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Melvin12

My wife has fallen out of love with me

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My wife of 26 years was on a high dose of prozac for many years and drinking farily heavily during that 10 year period. When she drinks more that 3 glasss of alcohol she turns into another person. After a prozac dosage increase by her doctor, and while drinking, I recently caught her sexting with an old boyfriend in the middle of the night and subsequently asked her to change her meds thinking that she was being influenced by the alcohol and meds combo. The doctor put her on Effexor 37.5. This seemed to help initially and we were working on our relationship but right after this change she went on a trip to New England on the pretense of visiting her sisters and went to see this sexting guy there. I busted her through the texts on her phone upon her return. She now tells me she no longer wants to be married to me and does not love me. We have three kids and a great life. Help me?  Will she change back if she gets off the meds? We were so much in love.

Helpless in San Francisco

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Welcome to DF, melvin12.  :console:  I'm so sorry you are having to go through this.  It sounds like your wife is not as invested in mending your relationship. I don't think a change in meds would make much difference - after all she did change from prozac to effexor and still pursued this person. Is she willing to go to marriage counseling with you? I hope you are able to work this out.

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I agree with what @20YearsandCounting said, meds and alcohol may lower someone's inhibition but it sounds rather unlikely that it explains why she pursued that other guy in the first place. Sometimes people get bored or feel unappreciated in a relationship so marriage counseling would indeed be a great idea to try to get of the bottom of this. Rekindling the love after someone has fallen out of love would seem rather difficult but perhaps you and your wife can work out some of the issues so you can stay together at least for the sake of your children. 

Does  she admit to having an alcohol problem? This is something that she definitely needs to address, alcohol makes depression worse and it tends to negate the positive effect people get from antidepressants. It's also quite common for people who abuse alcohol to blame others for their unhappiness which can lead to "if I only were with someone else my life would be OK"-type of thinking. 

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Sorry you are experiencing this. Have you both spoken with a counselor, pastor or minister that can offer wise and long-term, effective advise. Please don't live in fear, anger or unforgiveness. I'll stand with you that you will make wise decisions that leads you to a brighter future.

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