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My therapist yelled at me today, and I feel afraid to go back


ghostwriter89

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Today, during my session, my therapist yelled at me today and was very nasty. I told her that she was being really Biotchy and I asked her if she could give me a list of other therapists, as Iv'e only been seeing her for less than a month. After that, I began to cry really hard and she apologized many times, and agreed that she was being a Biotch and that she was sorry. I know that I was being stubborn before she yelled at me, but I have been having severe depression/anxiety and I'm really mixed up inside about a myriad of issues, past and present. We made up and feel that her apology was geuine, and that she was proud of me to put her in her place. It felt really mortifying for me. I'm from the East coast, where people/therapists are really New Agey and low key. Here in the midwest, most of my doctors have been rude !@#$%$%s. I feel as though she and other doctors here do not understand me, or fully get the weight of the issues of how mortifying it is to be away from my home. God, after leaving there I felt so much more awful. My SO was really worried about me, and I cried in the car and in the bathroom of the restaurant we went to afterwards to pick up dinner.

I am going to go  back, to give her another chance, because everyone has bad days and I could tell she was having one. I am also going to give her another try because there is just almost no one in this area who takes Medicaid. It is a serious, freaking problem. There are  many problems with where I live (for me) and we are moving to one of the coasts next year. I want to go back to the east coast so badly, but I will run to either just to get the hell out of here. No one seems to understand the things that upset me. I think that part of the problem with my therapist is that we have not discussed my past almost at all, and it is vital that we do because my present issues are nearly meaningless without going back through my 28 years of life. She finally spoke in the calm voice I had asked her many, many, times to have. I had to break down and cry before she did this. I felt really angry that she kept saying that she wasn't going to coddle me. "I KNOW," I told her. "I just want you to speak calmly and be gentle." I wasn't looking for someone to hold my hand and all that I just wanted kindness which I explained before we even met.

I feel angry, hurt, shocked, and mortified that we had this upsetting discussion today. She said that it was good that we had it, and I think that she understands more about my issues now. I think she does cognitive behavioral therapy if that makes any difference. I have trouble with confrontation and being angry with others. This is because I have childhood trauma involving shouting, alot of it. I just don't get why people can't be gentler with each other, goddammit. Especially doctors. What do I do if she continues this hurtful behavior when there is practically no one else I can see? I think that she is an innatly good person, and I hope that we can work together but sometimes I feel like she dosen't get me, and our personalities are very different. I don't mind being challenged, but it is the approach that scares me half to death. I feel like a piece of . I feel like everything I am doing is wrong. She said that she thought that all disabled people could work, and that I could work (I have applied for SSDI/SSI) and have worked many, many, jobs and tried so hard throughout my life in all areas. I feel like I am at the end of my rope with life, with therapists. I can't wait to get the hell out of this Fr***ing part of the country because I have had a really hard time, I miss what I know, and I have been hurt by the doctors here. I feel close to a breakdown. 

Edited by ghostwriter89
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Yeah, I'd walk away too.

When we are fragile, we are soooo dependent on our therapists.

If they are toxic for us in some way, that is really bad.

I'm sure we've all been to a bad hairdresser in our lives, where we've walked out thinking "OMG, what did that person just do to my hair...?????"

Well, when you have a bad therapist, they are mucking with your soul.

Your hair grows back - it's not a disaster.

But letting someone mess over your soul once a week or once a fortnight is no good.

Even if they are "a nice person".

If someone's bad at hairdressing, I'm not letting them do my hair, no matter how "nice" they are.

But I get it. It's hard. We're desperate when we're looking for a therapist and will tend to settle for "anyone".

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I am so sorry you have had a poor representation of therapy!  It is not ok for a therapist to shout or yell ever!  I do understand how hard it is to find therapists that are willing to take Medicare/Medicaid.  I also get the misunderstandings and judgements others tend to have towards disabilities.  I also get how hard it is to give your all, work hard the majority of your life, and find that you had to concede to a SSI claim.  I am right now in limbo without a pcp and have found the only help for my many healthy issues has been doctors that are either integrative medicine or holistic.  I have had really great group insurance where I could pick the cream of the crop in the Midwest and have had the worst fee aide services offered because of limited insurance through IHN or Medicare.  I honestly believe it's a system issue, not a location issue.  I am sorry you are in so much pain!  Have you looked into referral services?  I'm surprised this therapist you have visited with isn't rehashing your history with CBT.  Usually CBT looks at the past, sometimes too long.  I found for trauma EMDR and trauma academy to be helpful.  I also found DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy).  When I took DBT I tried two different therapists and found one just didn't work for me.  I needed, due to the trauma of my situations, a therapist that was more nurturing and gentle.  Please keep trying to find the support you need.  I believe when we seek the door is only to be found will open.  It's hard in the wait of pain to realize that help and healing are on the way.  Please know you are loved, cherished and deserve to be supported in love!  Hang in there and don't give up!  You'll have your break through!  I am sorry for the pain you have experienced in life!  My heart breaks.  It's not the way life was intended.  We live in a broken world.  You are a woman of great strength and can find the healing and love you deserve if you will pursue it!

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I've had a lot of experience with therapists (and every other kind of doctor) AND I live in the Midwest (well, according to some).  I don't think this is a regional problem; I think it's a personal and, maybe, a training issue. Depending on the kind of therapy she does, she may think this kind of behavior - in small doses - is therapeutic.

If you see this in her again, I would absolutely look for a new therapist. Yes, everyone can have a bad day. But if it's a repeated problem, she is not putting you first and she should. Also, I've noticed that this sort of behavior in therapists tends not to change over time.

Best to you.

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Hi, I'm really sorry to read what happened to you. You certainly don't deserve or need this type of behavior from a therapist. It is not professional at all and her attitude is not your responsibility. Under no circumstance is it acceptable for a therapist to shout at anybody, it is inhuman. " she was proud of me to put her in her place" , " She finally spoke in the calm voice I had asked her many, many, times to have" were phrases that really shocked me. Sounds like you need to change Therapists. If your therapist is uncomprehending and makes you feel unconformable it is not a good sign and is doing you more harm than good. I agree with Sophy if people are toxic for us then you need to let go and keep away from them. You deserve better. I hope that you can find a better therapist. There are good ones out there. Hang in there you'll find someone who suits you. I went through a few which made me feel worse about myself before finding the right person. My therapist is kind, gentle and is compassionate. We can talk openly together without any judgement and she gives me some good tools that work for me because she listens to where i'm coming from and what i'm capable of and what i'm not capable of. I'm sure you'll find someone like that too. My best wishes go out with you. and remember a wrong therapist is never your fault.

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I broke my ankle in 3 places and had to have surgery. I can't walk and am housebound for 2 months. I needed a prescription for pain killers and my anti-depressants and as my friend works during the day I couldn't go to the doctors. My other friends have left me because they are sick of my depression. I guess I can understand. So this left me with no way to go to the doctors. As I've known my Doctor for 7 years now and we get on well, i thought i would ring her and ask if she could send me the prescription. She screamed at me on the phone and told me that doctors had better things to do than post letters. I felt so horrible and guilty for even asking. I apologized but she wouldn't listen to my apologizes or explanation of why i couldn't come to her and continued shouting. She ended up faxing the chemist, but I felt so bad that I cried most of the night. I hate conflict as well and felt like it was my fault. I know it's not and said the same as you, that she was having a bad day. But it's hard to shake that feeling of I did something wrong. Bad days shouldn't be an excuse for doctors or health care professionals shouting at people.

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On 3/12/2018 at 11:00 PM, ghostwriter89 said:
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Today, during my session, my therapist yelled at me today and was very nasty. I told her that she was being really Biotchy and I asked her if she could give me a list of other therapists, as Iv'e only been seeing her for less than a month. After that, I began to cry really hard and she apologized many times, and agreed that she was being a Biotch and that she was sorry. I know that I was being stubborn before she yelled at me, but I have been having severe depression/anxiety and I'm really mixed up inside about a myriad of issues, past and present. We made up and feel that her apology was geuine, and that she was proud of me to put her in her place. It felt really mortifying for me. I'm from the East coast, where people/therapists are really New Agey and low key. Here in the midwest, most of my doctors have been rude !@#$%$%s. I feel as though she and other doctors here do not understand me, or fully get the weight of the issues of how mortifying it is to be away from my home. God, after leaving there I felt so much more awful. My SO was really worried about me, and I cried in the car and in the bathroom of the restaurant we went to afterwards to pick up dinner.

I am going to go  back, to give her another chance, because everyone has bad days and I could tell she was having one. I am also going to give her another try because there is just almost no one in this area who takes Medicaid. It is a serious, freaking problem. There are  many problems with where I live (for me) and we are moving to one of the coasts next year. I want to go back to the east coast so badly, but I will run to either just to get the hell out of here. No one seems to understand the things that upset me. I think that part of the problem with my therapist is that we have not discussed my past almost at all, and it is vital that we do because my present issues are nearly meaningless without going back through my 28 years of life. She finally spoke in the calm voice I had asked her many, many, times to have. I had to break down and cry before she did this. I felt really angry that she kept saying that she wasn't going to coddle me. "I KNOW," I told her. "I just want you to speak calmly and be gentle." I wasn't looking for someone to hold my hand and all that I just wanted kindness which I explained before we even met.

I feel angry, hurt, shocked, and mortified that we had this upsetting discussion today. She said that it was good that we had it, and I think that she understands more about my issues now. I think she does cognitive behavioral therapy if that makes any difference. I have trouble with confrontation and being angry with others. This is because I have childhood trauma involving shouting, alot of it. I just don't get why people can't be gentler with each other, goddammit. Especially doctors. What do I do if she continues this hurtful behavior when there is practically no one else I can see? I think that she is an innatly good person, and I hope that we can work together but sometimes I feel like she dosen't get me, and our personalities are very different. I don't mind being challenged, but it is the approach that scares me half to death. I feel like a piece of . I feel like everything I am doing is wrong. She said that she thought that all disabled people could work, and that I could work (I have applied for SSDI/SSI) and have worked many, many, jobs and tried so hard throughout my life in all areas. I feel like I am at the end of my rope with life, with therapists. I can't wait to get the hell out of this Fr***ing part of the country because I have had a really hard time, I miss what I know, and I have been hurt by the doctors here. I feel close to a breakdown. 

I'm so terribly sorry you had to experience that. Honestly, I would get a new doctor/therapist. Situations like yours just make me want to get into psychiatry because who is better to understand someone than someone who's equally hurt? Please update us on your progress. Breakdowns come without warning, do be careful. This isn't the end of it all, but it might be the end of a chapter for you. Things come to a head. Please message me if you wanna talk more.

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9 hours ago, sabiflitch said:

I'm so terribly sorry you had to experience that. Honestly, I would get a new doctor/therapist. Situations like yours just make me want to get into psychiatry because who is better to understand someone than someone who's equally hurt? Please update us on your progress. Breakdowns come without warning, do be careful. This isn't the end of it all, but it might be the end of a chapter for you. Things come to a head. Please message me if you wanna talk more.

Thank you for your kind words :) I actually emailed her today, simply saying that I was not returning and that I wanted to find a better match. She was polite, but short, and I could tell she did not really care. I don't need someone like her for a doctor. There are two possible places that I could go for therapy, and I hope to connect with one of them tomorrow. I spoke to the coordinators there and they recommended specific counselors for my needs. I will keep you guys updated :) Sometimes I feel close to the breaking point, and I really hope with all of my heart that my next therapist is actually kind, calm, and caring. The woman I went to should not have become a therapist. I hope that it is the beginning of a chapter in which I finally get the (caring) help that I need.

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11 hours ago, upandbeyond said:

I broke my ankle in 3 places and had to have surgery. I can't walk and am housebound for 2 months. I needed a prescription for pain killers and my anti-depressants and as my friend works during the day I couldn't go to the doctors. My other friends have left me because they are sick of my depression. I guess I can understand. So this left me with no way to go to the doctors. As I've known my Doctor for 7 years now and we get on well, i thought i would ring her and ask if she could send me the prescription. She screamed at me on the phone and told me that doctors had better things to do than post letters. I felt so horrible and guilty for even asking. I apologized but she wouldn't listen to my apologizes or explanation of why i couldn't come to her and continued shouting. She ended up faxing the chemist, but I felt so bad that I cried most of the night. I hate conflict as well and felt like it was my fault. I know it's not and said the same as you, that she was having a bad day. But it's hard to shake that feeling of I did something wrong. Bad days shouldn't be an excuse for doctors or health care professionals shouting at people.

Oh my goodness, that is a terrible situation :( :( I am so, so sorry. I hope that your ankle heals soon, and as for your doctor, what an awful person!!! There are so many people in the medical field that should not be. I have my share of horror stories. I hope that you are able to see another doctor soon. Again, I am so sorry!! I can't deal well with conflict either and I know how you feel. I feel as though she was lashing out at you :/ Maybe she was upset about something else and took it out on you. No matter the reason, it is totally wrong and unfair.

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On 3/14/2018 at 7:09 AM, upandbeyond said:

Hi, I'm really sorry to read what happened to you. You certainly don't deserve or need this type of behavior from a therapist. It is not professional at all and her attitude is not your responsibility. Under no circumstance is it acceptable for a therapist to shout at anybody, it is inhuman. " she was proud of me to put her in her place" , " She finally spoke in the calm voice I had asked her many, many, times to have" were phrases that really shocked me. Sounds like you need to change Therapists. If your therapist is uncomprehending and makes you feel unconformable it is not a good sign and is doing you more harm than good. I agree with Sophy if people are toxic for us then you need to let go and keep away from them. You deserve better. I hope that you can find a better therapist. There are good ones out there. Hang in there you'll find someone who suits you. I went through a few which made me feel worse about myself before finding the right person. My therapist is kind, gentle and is compassionate. We can talk openly together without any judgement and she gives me some good tools that work for me because she listens to where i'm coming from and what i'm capable of and what i'm not capable of. I'm sure you'll find someone like that too. My best wishes go out with you. and remember a wrong therapist is never your fault.

Thank you. I agree, and I am still shocked that it happened at all. Actually, I also thought that both instances were odd, and in my experience with bullies, they are all hallmarks. I went over our conversation in my head many times, and it was strange to me that she had wanted me to stand up to her. I just don't think that therapist and client shoulden't have to duke it out. Whatever. I fired her. I'm going to try to get a hold of a therapist that will be a better fit for me to today. A lot of people are toxic, and I have had to remove many from life in the past. I'm trying not to let this bother me, but it really does because I was completely disrespected and on. Thank you, I hope very much that I find someone kind as well. I am super happy that you have a kind, compassionate therapist. She sounds wonderful. 

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On 3/13/2018 at 4:04 PM, Peacebwu2017 said:

I am so sorry you have had a poor representation of therapy!  It is not ok for a therapist to shout or yell ever!  I do understand how hard it is to find therapists that are willing to take Medicare/Medicaid.  I also get the misunderstandings and judgements others tend to have towards disabilities.  I also get how hard it is to give your all, work hard the majority of your life, and find that you had to concede to a SSI claim.  I am right now in limbo without a pcp and have found the only help for my many healthy issues has been doctors that are either integrative medicine or holistic.  I have had really great group insurance where I could pick the cream of the crop in the Midwest and have had the worst fee aide services offered because of limited insurance through IHN or Medicare.  I honestly believe it's a system issue, not a location issue.  I am sorry you are in so much pain!  Have you looked into referral services?  I'm surprised this therapist you have visited with isn't rehashing your history with CBT.  Usually CBT looks at the past, sometimes too long.  I found for trauma EMDR and trauma academy to be helpful.  I also found DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy).  When I took DBT I tried two different therapists and found one just didn't work for me.  I needed, due to the trauma of my situations, a therapist that was more nurturing and gentle.  Please keep trying to find the support you need.  I believe when we seek the door is only to be found will open.  It's hard in the wait of pain to realize that help and healing are on the way.  Please know you are loved, cherished and deserve to be supported in love!  Hang in there and don't give up!  You'll have your break through!  I am sorry for the pain you have experienced in life!  My heart breaks.  It's not the way life was intended.  We live in a broken world.  You are a woman of great strength and can find the healing and love you deserve if you will pursue it!

I found her attitude towards disabled people very judgmental and ignorant. That particularly upset me. I have struggled throughout my life (school, work, life in general) with bullies, and she certainly was one. I hope that you find a therapist soon who  is caring and can help you.

Thank you, that means alot. I have worked very hard in the short time I have been alive, and it's awful and frustrating that I can't work anymore. I am sorry that you are struggling as well :( I hope that things get better for you. It may be a system issue, you could be right. Thank you, I have just been through the wringer and I am ready to get out of this part of the country forever. No, she didn't really ask much about the past. She was just like, "Okay, what's going on today." I am going to work on finding someone who is caring and kind, and hopefully this mess is resolved soon. 

You are very kind, your words alot to me. Sometimes I don't feel cherished by the world around me. I know that life was supposed to be better. If it wasen't for my SO, I don't know what I would do. You guys are so understanding, and it helps me so much when I come on here and people get what I am going through.

 

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