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Straybeast

I don't like introducing myself

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Hello,

Sorry to sound rude on my first post but I've got social anxiety disorder. I get really scared talking about myself in front of others and online.

I'm female, not young anymore, and have several issues going on. 

What the issues are is, I've got depression, as well as asthma, got a child, who I love very much. I'm in a loveless relationship with a man who is father to our daughter but he's not abusive or horrible. He's just become someone like a friend or brother instead of lover. I feel unattractive and dead inside. Everyone is happy, it seems, even those who say that thy're not. 

I've not made a single friend on the internet even though I've been using it for many years. I have trouble making friends in real life too. I don't have this connection with people and nobody warms to me or wants to see me.

I've cut off ties with relatives because they all hate me. Whats more upsetting is that they don't care about my child because they don't like me. I've decided to cut loose from toxic people. I also have trouble living day to day as I'm on several medications to help with asthma, blood, depression, cancer treatment and vitamin.

I use Facebook and was recently depressed to see a load of people celebrating Valentines Day. Only my daughter made a card for me and her dad, which was lovely, but my partner doesn't see me as a girlfriend anymore. He treats me as if I was his sister or even less than that. Whenever I try and talk to him, he gets angry and accuses me of "pressuring" him.

I've asked for help on other forums but get a lot of abuse mainly from people accusing me of being a disappointing woman for him. I mean what?

I'm sorry but I'm not a bundle of happiness and I will make this forum full of dreary storms and black clouds. I'm just miserable and unloved.

   

Edited by Straybeast
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Yes, I agree with Asta. Talk about yourself if and when you feel ready to! I have trouble with social anxiety, as well. I've never been very good at meeting people or keeping in contact with anyone. I'm always afraid of upsetting people or saying/doing the wrong thing. I don't really have anyone in my life now because of it. But it's a journey! And one that can be overcome, I'm sure of it.

In any case, I've found this forum to be extremely friendly and supportive! I hope you do, too! Take some time to browse, and when you feel comfortable, try reaching out. We're all going through our struggles here, but it helps to be around others who understand, even if online.

I'm sorry your relationship is struggling right now. I do hope you're able to find some peace soon in your relationship and your life.

We are all here for you! Best wishes!

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Good day to you and welcome to the forums, Straybeast. We're happy to have you here.

I'm truly sorry to hear that you're struggling with your relationships, to other people as well as to yourself. It's an awful thing when our feelings of being underappreciated, unloved and misunderstood are met with even less appreciation, love and understanding once we've gathered the courage to express them. I can, however, assure you that it won't be the case here.

We're a compassionate community of peers who can sympathize with battling both depression and anxiety as well as any issues that might accompany them. We even have a forum that specializes in Relationships & Depression.

If I may express my thoughts on the matter, based on what you've told us, I'd say that the Valentine's card your daughter gave you is a hint of how much she loves you. Many people with mental health issues find it impossible to raise children, which is understandable, but I commend you for finding the strength and love required to properly care for her.

Unfortunately, my romantic ineptitude prevents me from advising you on how you might improve your relationship with your husband. All I'm able to do is to encourage you to keep reaching out to more people on the forums so that you may further express your thoughts on the matter and possibly receive some counseling. I wish you the best of luck in your efforts to better your life. Take care! :icon12:

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9 hours ago, Straybeast said:
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Hello,

Sorry to sound rude on my first post but I've got social anxiety disorder. I get really scared talking about myself in front of others and online.

I'm female, not young anymore, and have several issues going on. 

What the issues are is, I've got depression, as well as asthma, got a child, who I love very much. I'm in a loveless relationship with a man who is father to our daughter but he's not abusive or horrible. He's just become someone like a friend or brother instead of lover. I feel unattractive and dead inside. Everyone is happy, it seems, even those who say that thy're not. 

I've not made a single friend on the internet even though I've been using it for many years. I have trouble making friends in real life too. I don't have this connection with people and nobody warms to me or wants to see me.

I've cut off ties with relatives because they all hate me. Whats more upsetting is that they don't care about my child because they don't like me. I've decided to cut loose from toxic people. I also have trouble living day to day as I'm on several medications to help with asthma, blood, depression, cancer treatment and vitamin.

I use Facebook and was recently depressed to see a load of people celebrating Valentines Day. Only my daughter made a card for me and her dad, which was lovely, but my partner doesn't see me as a girlfriend anymore. He treats me as if I was his sister or even less than that. Whenever I try and talk to him, he gets angry and accuses me of "pressuring" him.

I've asked for help on other forums but get a lot of abuse mainly from people accusing me of being a disappointing woman for him. I mean what?

I'm sorry but I'm not a bundle of happiness and I will make this forum full of dreary storms and black clouds. I'm just miserable and unloved.

   

Hi Straybeast,

Welcome to the forums and I totally know what you mean about experiencing anxiety in front of people.

Most people have it to some degree, the severity of it varies from person to person and also what they have going on in their life. When I'm in a good place and my life is ticking over nicely, I have little to none, but when things get tricky, its definitely more noticeable. Social anxiety is basically anticipation and worry about a future outcome, which may or may not happen, and it's the outcome that most humans fear - rejection.

The cruel thing about anxiety is that it takes us out of the moment and into one just one possible future - that our mind is 100% convinced will definitely happen. The only time we can actually affect our lives is in the present moment, anxiety distracts us from these unlimited opportunities/choices/decisions and it keeps us stuck (to prevent us from getting hurt). Its a natural, inbuilt, instinctive and almost automatic, protective mechanism which actually stems from our cavemen ancestors - who lived very fraught existences with constant threats to ongoing survival. Anxiety kept them alive.

I suppose a useful thing to hold onto is that anxiety is a sensation/thought process, its just something a person experiences and it only defines us by as much as we allow it. Yes, anxiety can be beat!

The internet is great for reaching out to people, especially in terms of distance and instant communication, however, it lacks the spontaneity of human interaction, we only get half the story and for someone like me who is very much attuned to people's energy, body language, tone of voice, eye contact etc, the internet takes a lot of my connection-making tools out of the game. Also, its easy to misinterpret online messages, I mean you could well be assuming right now that I am on my soap box when my intention is to empathise, share some of my own personal understanding of the psychology of anxiety in the hope that this reassures you that, given what you are dealing with in your personal life, you are responding like most people would (there is little/to no need to beat yourself up, only if you really want to :)

My painful experiences with toxic families led me to realise after too many years of enduring their negativity and destructive hate (of themselves, mainly), is that there is little you can do to change them, they have a position to defend and its usually driven by a very damaged ego that needs therapeutic help, lots of it, but they are unwilling to admit, or even recognise this. Trying to get them to see your point of view is like trying to catch wind - you'll drive yourself mad. I know I did and it took a long time to recover. I no longer have contact with my family, because I recognised they had long been a source of my depression, going 'no-contact' to infinity allowed me to get myself back together - it was one of my best decisions ever, wish I had done it 10 years sooner!

I used to use Facebook, I got bored of people's updates like "Barry is having a bacon sandwich, Sarah just yawned" etc etc, I also felt the entire thing was quite shallow and borderline narcissistic - I'm a Facebook rebel haha... Psychologists have also recognised that Facebook can trigger depression or make it worse, because we perceive everyone else's lives are better than ours by comparison: aka FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out). Its obviously difficult for you and your partner at the moment and you really appreciated that your child gave you both a homemade Valentine's card. I wouldnt worry too much about the opinions of those online accusing you of being a disappointing woman for him, they sound very judgemental, insensitive nor do they know you or what you've been through - the combination of all that means their opinions are highly worth... ignoring completely.

Like the above people have said, take your time on here, only sharing what, and when, you feel comfortable

 

So, hopefully you've found my contribution helpful and... probably, very honest at the same time! :)

 

Edited by Whostolemyfunny

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Hi Straybeast,

Thanks for having the courage to post.  I can relate to your story in that I had to cut myself off from some toxic relatives as well.  It was really difficult, but my interactions with them were terrible.  They seemed really sadistic towards me and always kicked me when I was down.  That's something a depressed person can't handle.  I also never found FB a particularly supportive forum, but that was my experience.

Like you as well, I have other medical problems that make handling depression challenging.  I'm glad you have your child in your life, that's a wonderful thing.  And you are reaching out on this forum for help so you are on the right track.  Yes you are depressed, but I see that you are fighting to get better and that takes courage.  Hope I haven't mis-stated anything here in this post, if so, I apologize, but I do feel for you and wish you the very best.

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Hi Straybeast,

     You sound like a very nice person to me.

      I am sorry for the grief you are enduring.   I can really identify with what you wrote about toxic people. 

      Hopefully you will find this site to be as nice a place as I have found it to be.  I am looking forward to reading your posts.  - epictetus

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