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New here, this is what's on my mind at the moment


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Hi,

My name is Isabella and I'm new here. I am 25 and live with my cute little dog. I have been battling with depressio/anxiety/OCD for about 2,5 years now. It all started when I had a breakdown after having had general anxiety, anxiety attacks, insomnia, worry etc for about 1,5 year. Actually, I hate talking about what "has been", because I am so afraid that I will start identifying too much with this.. but for some reason I also have the need to talk about it and to talk about what is going on now... At first I thought that I just needed to take a short vacation and then get back on track. I honestly thought that this would take 1-2 months max. But things seemed to get worse, and sometimes I find it very hard to recognize myself. And sometimes I honestly feel like I am drifting further away. And sometimes I wish that I could just be someone else and get away from myself. I mean, if I could live as myself but without being myself inside, because at times it feels like I am the one complicating things and sabotaging myself.

 

This is what felt most natural to say about myself right now. And I am very curious as to whether some of you can relate to this.

 

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Hey I'm 21 years old and I'm a college female student. Man, I can relate a bit of what you're going through. I've went through food anxiety in late 2016 and then in the summer of 2017 I went through stress and a bit of depression. And yeah, I have had really bad insomnia for 8 months now and it's really a struggle. I would sleep 1-3 hours per night and there were times where I would not sleep at all and then you get body aches because of it...its crazy. Because of stress and all those things, it can really affect your sleep patterns dramatically.

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1 hour ago, Create your own sunshine said:
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Hi,

My name is Isabella and I'm new here. I am 25 and live with my cute little dog. I have been battling with depressio/anxiety/OCD for about 2,5 years now. It all started when I had a breakdown after having had general anxiety, anxiety attacks, insomnia, worry etc for about 1,5 year. Actually, I hate talking about what "has been", because I am so afraid that I will start identifying too much with this.. but for some reason I also have the need to talk about it and to talk about what is going on now... At first I thought that I just needed to take a short vacation and then get back on track. I honestly thought that this would take 1-2 months max. But things seemed to get worse, and sometimes I find it very hard to recognize myself. And sometimes I honestly feel like I am drifting further away. And sometimes I wish that I could just be someone else and get away from myself. I mean, if I could live as myself but without being myself inside, because at times it feels like I am the one complicating things and sabotaging myself.

 

This is what felt most natural to say about myself right now. And I am very curious as to whether some of you can relate to this.

 

Hi Isabella! welcome to the forum. Hopefully this place can be of some comfort and use for you. We dont really all have the answers since were all here suffering similar things. But sometimes it helps to vent and no others relate. I definitely can relate to what you are saying :( I was feeling particularly off today too. it sucks because we feel like we have no control over how we view the world and we cant seem to enjoy things like others do. Anxiety and depression can be very consuming especially when we develop ocd which I have as well. OCD makes us just overthink it that much more and thats why we feel like like were not us anymore and were just those things. But were not just those things and no one is just depressed or anxious. those are just things that anchor us down but dont entirely make us up as people. Dont let it discourage you! sometimes when were batteling something like this we've ignored it for so long that it finally explodes and it seems like we've never had it  so bad before but its just that its always been there its tired of being there and its screaming for your attention. its important not to run from it and finally address it. Idk if something happened for you to be more intensely triggered but I really hope that you get some sort of help that works for you and to not feel completely lost in this because its normal not to feel normal and such complex things take time for it to get better.

But definely also understand the fear of not wanting to give it too much thought as to not wanting to identify yourself too much with it but I think addressing it will do you good.  

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Hi Isabella, 

welcome to the forums, you should find that there are a lot of members on here that can relate to what your going through, myself included, this is a safe space where you can share your thoughts and feelings as you wish and get a wealth of support. 

Depression sucks and I’m sorry that your going through this, I know the feeling well as I suffered badly at one point, including the insomnia as I used to “jump” myself out of sleep constantly (that feeling of falling due to anxiety) 

what I would recommend is speaking to a professional as they will be able to advise and work with you on the best way to go about easing your symptoms and getting better. In the meantime there are some things that helped me to feel more relaxed when anxiety was running high.. meditation and deep breathing, yoga, walks and exercise. The one that I still suffer with is OCD, however I find that the power of it is lessened when you stop trying to stop the thoughts, you can’t control your thoughts so let them come and go without attachment or judgement, they are not you, they don’t say anything about you, they are just thoughts. 

I hope this gets better for you soon :flowers:

Leila 

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