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a call for help - please read


AlexMCR

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Hi, I’m Alex, I’m 15 years old and new to the site.

In 2015, I was diagnosed with severe depression & bipolar disorder, despite this, friends and family failed to believe this and as a result my condition is ignored by loved ones and I am often times stigmatised & made fun of simply for having these conditions, only adding to the difficulty of dealing with them. I have had various experiences with drug & alcohol abuse over the past 3 years and as a result was kicked out of my school. With no one to turn to, I was extremely lost and just last night attempted to take my own life. I have lost a lot of friends due to the fact that concealing my emotions is not always easy and the narcotics I take only add to the strangeness of my behaviour. I planned to throw myself in front of a train, it was late at night and I live in a quiet suburb so I thought I would be undisturbed, however, no train came. I waited and waited, but nothing. I decided to go home and try one last time to seek some sort of guidance, and here I am. One thing that I thought last night, whilst I was sat, waiting for a train to fly past, is that the only reason I feel the way I do and take the drugs I take is because I do not have people to talk to. Coming back from the station, I had an idea, I would like to one day set up a forum or blog that could offer people like me someone to talk to, but first I need to understand depression from an outsiders perspective and to ensure that I’m not alone. It is not easy to talk about your emotions, especially to loved ones, but it is fundamental that we create a society in which people can understand mental health and support those suffering from it. For now though, I need that reinforcement and understanding on a personal level. I have never truly felt loved or understood, by friends or family and as a result have always felt isolated, this causes me to think and act in very irrational ways, like bursting out in tears in the middle of class, or resorting to drugs. Surely someone on this website can understand my feeling. This is the last chance I am giving myself before I finally commit suicide, even if only to make those who doubted my condition feel bad.

this is not a cry for attention, it is a cry for help

Alex

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Hi AlexMCR and welcome to the Forums!

I am so sorry you are suffering!  You are so young to be undergoing so much pain and anguish in your life.

  To not be understood and appreciated by others when suffering from depression and bipolar disease makes the suffering so much worse.  It is so difficult for those who have not been afflicted with these brutal illnesses to really understand how awful and debilitating they can be.  Hopefully you will find us to be more capable of understanding and compassion, of comfort and encouragement since we understand these illnesses from the "inside".

Although none of us here are doctors or medical professionals, we are fellow sufferers.  We are young and old and from many different backgrounds, cultures and countries.  I hope the physician who diagnosed your depression and bipolar illness provided treatments for you, such as medications and therapy.  It would scary to be suffering such brutal illnesses without being in the care of a licensed physician.

Please do not harm yourself, AlexMCR.  There is only one of you in this whole universe.  You are a person who has never existed before and never will exist again in all of time, history and eternity and that; your very being, is the basis of your irreplaceable and inalienable worth and dignity.  No one can ever replace you. 

Regardless of what others may think, I can see that you are a very good person.  The message you posted here is poignant and sincere and it will help countless people who read it to feel less alone with their own pain and suffering.  And that is just a terrific gift to give someone.  But beyond that gift, what you wrote will help others who are struggling mightily with suffering . . . will help them to keep going . . . and to go on, and that is a life saving gift, the greatest thing in the whole world. 

  There is an old saying that goes:  "Whoever helps save one life, saves the earth entire."  You have helped do that with your words.  So in my eyes, you are a person of great nobility and stature.  Helping to save another person's life:  if one were to do nothing else in one's whole life, one's whole life would be justified and heroic.  So I can only look up to you in respect and admiration.

Although we are co-sufferers of depression and other things, none of us here are trained as crisis counselors.  Please call a crisis counselor whenever you are feeling suicidal or in crisis because they are trained to be able to help in crises.  Do you know the number of the National Suicide Prevention Helpline, Alex? You can call them anytime, 24/7 toll free at 1- 800 273-8255.   We do not want to lose you.  You are important to us.  

There is greatness in you, Alex.  Please do not do anything to harm yourself.  Your loss would be tragic beyond all reckoning!

My apologies if anything I have said may have been unhelpful.  I am just a fellow sufferer and sometimes it is hard to know what to say to someone who is suffering.  I suffered a terrible depression once and it was only by going to a hospital that my life was saved.  I did not know about crisis hotlines at that time.

  Depression and bipolar illness are nothing to be ashamed of.  Even doctors and medical researchers who fight against these terrible illnesses sometimes get them.  Trying to self-medicate with illegal or legal substances is also something that can strike anyone. 

I hope you will be alright.  Please do not be shy to call a crisis hotline when you are feeling suicidal.  They can connect you to other resources and help too.  You deserve the best and the best, if you cannot connect to a licensed physician is a crisis hotline counselor.  You are irreplaceable! 

- epictetus

 

Edited by Epictetus
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Alex,

You are not alone. At all. 

I certainly understand the isolation, and I know from spending time on this site that you are among comrades. We all get the isolation and the loneliness  

I don’t have any special wisdom but I am here often enough to offer a listening ear.  And others do too. 

Your life is important,, we can never know what a difference we will make in someone else’s life.. I wish only good things for you. 

Please take care and keep coming back here if you need a lifeline.  

 

warmly, 

Katzenjammer

 

 

 

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Welcome to our forum.

We are here for you and hear you.

This forum has helped me and countless others.

Our goal is to not leave anyone behind in their depression cave.

We all have been through hell and only want the best for you.

Keep posting and step by step we will help you find the way out of your abyss.

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Hey, Alex!

I can relate to what you are going through. When I was around your age I struggled with addictions, depression, and suicidal thoughts as well. Now in my 20s I have learned how to deal with my emotions better. I no longer have to rely on substances to feel like I can function, and I have dropped many other bad habits. So it is possible to get better.

I'm really sorry your family & friends aren't supportive, but it's really great that you decided to post here. Many people are willing to listen & give good advice, so I hope that you keep posting.

Feel free to message me if you want to talk!

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I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You are most definitely not alone. Depression can feel so incredibly isolating, especially when you’re surrounded by people that don’t understand.

 

Rest assured, here you are surrounded by people that get it, and are or we’re fighting the same battles.

 

I go through waves of severe depression and suicidal ideation. And even when I am “happiest”, I still feel utterly alone. I have to hide my depression from my family and friends, because of my anxiety and insecurities. Which in turn makes me feel isolated and lonely. I may not know the people on this site, but to know I am not alone in my battle is comforting. It makes the depression a little more bearable.

 

Just know that you are worth living. You can pull through this. You’re an amazing soul with so much to give and life to live. Know that we’ve all been in your shoes on here. The burden is heavy but well worth the battle. If you ever need a chat don’t hesitate to come here, this is what this community was made for. Don’t forget your battle may be the key to uplift someone else, don’t doubt your greatness.

 

message me anytime. Hugs friend!

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Dear Alex,

You have been through so much for being so young.  I am so sorry!

We are here for you!  As a much older person, I can assure you that life will throw you "hardballs" but we are able to handle them better as we get older.  Please know that there is HOPE, and although life may not seem "fair' right now, you can do this.  

Please keep posting and know that we understand!

Blessings and prayers!

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