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What does he mean?


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Hi all,

I am a little nervous about posting, as let’s face it I don’t want to hear something that will hurt me but at the same time I want to understand and get some clarification.

I am not really sure where to start but here goes. I am 32 my boyfriend is turning 50 this year. We have been together almost 2 years and went through a similar situation to this around the same time last year. My boyfriend advised me when we first started dating that he suffered from SADS and I am extremely supportive, give him space when he needs it and never put any pressure on him. To the point that we never really discuss a future or moving in together etc. At times I do feel like I am walking on eggshells at times but the past week or so he has been in a real grump. We had been away with friends for a few days and he always does tend to struggle with being around people for too long so he was distant when we initially came home. However he went out with a friend and had drinks on Thursday and he believes this friend (he has told me) suffers from bi polar but is undiagnosed. His friend was having a rough time so agreed to go for some drinks to chat. He ensured his friend didn’t drink much but he drank too much as a result so was feeling tender the next day (he doesn’t deal with hangovers very well). My BF advised me he felt drained after seeing his friend and was going to use a mediation app before bed (he later told me he hadn’t). So Friday when he was hungover we went for lunch and he was on his phone the whole time and later I dropped him home and said I’d cook us tea as he said he would stay at mine for the weekend as he went out with his friend (to make up for it) and we were meant to be at an engagement party of another of his friends this evening. He didn’t come round last night, he was hinting that he didn’t want to do I asked if we were to cancel and he agreed. I got annoyed and upset which I normally don’t react this way as I understand how he is when he is hungover but I was upset. I called him selfish and that he was not thinking about how I felt. He snapped and got angry and ignored me all evening. I tried to call and after the third time he picked up only to shout and then hang up on me. I messaged him and said it was silly to argue over such a little thing and he said I was overthinking everything and that we would talk today as he was in a foul mood. I tried calling and txting this morning to which he again ignored but then finally rang me back to say that he was finding our relationship difficult. I’ll admit I’m not proud but I then hung up on him and txt him to say if he wanted to break up with me he should have the decency to tell me to my face.

He ignored me for a good while and then replied saying he wanted space he is finding our relationship stressful he didn’t want any confrontation or arguing and just wanted space to sort himself out. I replied and asked him what space meant but he just used the word again......has he broken up with me? What should I do? I am mad at him but I love him so much and am not sure if he wants me to hang around for him or not?

I’m absolutely breaking inside and feel I have no one to talk to, can anyone advise me at all.

Thank you so much in advance 😞

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Hi and welcome to the Forums, Newbie7.

First let me tell you how sorry I am that you are going through this difficult ordeal.  Just from reading your post I can tell that you are a really good person.  I wish I had some wisdom or good advice to share with you but even after wracking my brain I am coming up empty.  Hopefully other members here will make up for my total lack of helpfulness to you.  The situation you are in is stressful beyond the power of words to convey.  I must confess that just reading your story here on the Forums nearly brought me to tears, which is rare for me.  

I am hoping and hoping that your BF's attitude is the result of his SAD and therefore temporary.  Sadly I cannot foresee what will happen in the future for you..  I do hope these Forums will be of some use to you.  Sometimes it helps to have a place to go to just vent one's thoughts and feelings.  It also helps, I think, to have a place to go where one is not left all alone with one's questions, doubts, thoughts, feelings, pain and anguish.

I want to thank you for posting here today.  You have helped me and countless others feel less alone with our suffering and that is one of the greatest gifts one person can give another.  Although I am ignoranct of a solution to this painful dilemma you are in, I want you to know that I am rooting for you.  You deserve a life where you can experience peace of mind and joy of living.  I wish you only good things!  - epictetus

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Thank you so much for your kind words, I guess no one can really give me the answers but I am hoping that people can maybe share their experiences. I am really struggling to understand at the moment. But this happened at the same time last year and we had just been away with friends then so I am not sure whether everything has got on top of him and he has reacted badly to me as he knows how patient I am (not in an intentional way) as it is always easy to lash out on those you love......I hope he loves me.

 

Thanks again for your very kind words, they actually made me cry! haha

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Thanks both, I have decided to give him a few days even a week of 'space' and do my own thing, I am finding it hard tonight but I can't force him to listen so messaging him will only make things worse. As much as he is not feeling good he is not the kind of guy to break up without seeing me I'm pretty sure. I am just hoping he is ok :(

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I think that being straightforward is the best idea here if you really want to know. Ask him flat out, “have you broken up with me?” Unfortunately it’s a question only he can answer.

 

 I’m sorry that you are having to handle this, know that regardless of his answer, this is temporary.

 

I hope you get the answers you need and deserve. Sending you well wishes.

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