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candy22

Never had a relationship (in my 30s)

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I have been single my entire life. I’m a female in my early thirties. I never had a relationship (no boyfriend). Recently, it’s starting to bother me more than ever (guess because my birthday is coming up). I guess it’s that a lot of people are already married with children yet I can’t even get a boyfriend or date. I’m worried because I really want a family before I’m too old. I socialize and hang out places, but seems like most guys are in their own little world or just not interested in me. I also don’t have any friends. I don’t know what’s wrong. But, it’s driving me crazy.  I don’t know if depression plays a role in this. 

Edited by candy22

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Dating in your 30s is just hard for those of us who are inexperienced, you're far from alone though, there are quite a few people on here who have never been in a relationship, including myself. Depression definitely pays a role in all of this, never feeling desired or experiencing affection makes you feel worse about yourself and in turn you become even less attractive to potential dates/partners. 

You mentioned that you socialize and hang out, do you make an effort to flirt with guys or do you just sit there hoping someone will approach you? Many normal guys (i.e. not players) will look for cues that you're interested before approaching you, depression can make you seem uninterested or aloof so it's only natural that you won't get approached as much as someone with a bubbly personality. 

Have you tried online dating? Given the overabundance of men on dating sites it should be possible to find someone as long as your standards aren't completely unrealistic. If any way possible you should try making some friends first though, when your whole life revolves around another person is tends to viewed as needy which seems to be a major turnoff for most "healthy" people out there. 

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I'm sorry to hear that... I'm almost 30 myself and in a similar situation. I've never really had a serious relationship. My relationship only last a couple weeks or so. It's very easy to feel inadequate, especially with so many people around you that seem to jump from one person to the next, or have started a family. You are most certainly not alone... The best advice I can give you is to try to get out and socialize more often. It can be especially tough with depression, but it does help! Wether you go to a bar, or wherever, just make sure to set a reasonable goal for yourself. I feel like when I go out trying to find a date, I feel terrible when it doesn't happen, and I hardly even talk to anyone because I feel like I will fail anyway... start your night by thinking " I'm gonna go out and say 'Hi' to one person tonight" instead... You put less pressure on yourself and feel accomplished rather than defeated at the end of the night. I would also suggest staying away from online dating for now... I've found that if you are having difficulty finding someone already, it won't help much, at least it hasn't with me. Good luck! I hope you find what you're looking for.

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