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Making my veteran claim.


glfinding

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Hi guys. Havent made a thread in a while. Today i have apointments to get my claim. I made it 5 years ago. 5 god damn years ago. So i didnt even know what the guy was talkin about when they called me about it. I have to take this really long test and interview after. The whole thing just feels like i have to prove i suffer from depression and ptsd. Just doesnt feel good. I have been admitted in the psych ward more times than i can remember. Many doctor and therapists appointments. I even went to an inpatient ptsd clinic a few years ago where i had to travel to another city for a couple months. I mean, all these people would have to do is look at my record. Once i had to pull all my records to fight a charge i caught, was like 3 boxes of documents.  Filled to the brim with my disfunction. I do not blame the army for my mental state. But the fact is when i came back from iraq i was just never the same. I had always battled depression, but my perception of death was refined. I have been obssessed with death ever since. And especially for the first couple years i was out, i was overly hostile with everyone. Became addicted to opiates for five years just to not feel it.  I dont think i should get special treatment, but i had no support getting out. Nobody told me how things were going to be. I feel like they rushed me out when my time was up. I guess i go back and forth of who is really to blame for my plight. But i mostly blame myself for not being strong enough. But now im in this office trying to get my claim. Sometimes i tell people how my deployment took everything from me. And that the only reason i survived was because i executed my missions perfect. That and i was lucky. But i hardly even like admitting i suffer from ptsd let alone fighting someone for a claim about it.

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Honestly its dificult to talk about. I did a lot of therapy to help reduce tensions from it. But i do my best to avoid it. So my emotions are bit slurry right now. Havent had a doctors appointment in over a year. Im not sure how i do it. Its a damn miracle to still be here, and to do what i do. I have 3 jobs, do a very good job, always focused and vigilant. The worst i get is when im over worked. But i def dont like talking about specific events from over there. Ptsd is still pretty unkown to most. But something i found out is that a lot of people get it outside the military. Very common in sexual trauma victims. Probably common in people that have been to prison. Car crashes. Atleast i am not alone. Another thing i found out, is that is very necessary to work through. My answer was drugs, and in the end i was a scrambled mess. Thx for always talkin to me nat. Would never dream of talking to people about this stuff in real life.

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My heart goes out to you. I too cannot imagine what you must have endured. You mentioned that you blame yourself for not being strong and I just want to say that I feel the exact opposite, you are extremely strong. Your service was protecting a whole country! Thats huge. I don't know a lot about ptsd, I have depression/anxiety, but I do hope you can get the help you so deserve. Thank you so much for your service.

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