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I've been struggling to speak to my mum for a long time. Everytime i do it always goes the same way. She gets impatient with me if i take more than a few seconds to answer her questions. I know she doesnt understand depression but i feel like she doesnt even try to understand me. I feel like she doesn't have the time or patience to talk to me. It makes me feel like i dont matter and i really need the support. 

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Nic1991, I think I have an idea how you feel.  Many times when I was in deep distress, I wished I could have confided in my mother.  But I rarely tried, thinking that she wouldn't be up to listening to me.  Maybe I should have tried harder.

It's only natural that you need the support of your mum.  Maybe she doesn't know what to say, or she's too scared to listen to you, but I'm only guessing.  I think this is how my own mother was.  She did not understand depression and I would have been at a loss as to how to explain what I was going through even if I had made an effort.

I feel at a loss as to what to say to you, but wanted you to know I empathize with you.

Edited by gs22
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Hi Nic1991,

    I am so sorry that you are in the situation you describe.  Although I am 63 years old, I still have vivid memories of my younger days and of  being unable to communicate with my parents about how dreadful,  anguishing and debilitating depression was.  So your words are very real to me.

  I wish I knew what to say to help you.  

     Many people find it extremely difficult to understand depression and that it is an illness.  

     When one is suffering depression, not being understood by those near and dear is terribly painful regardless of the cause or causes.

     I sure hope your situation changes for the better!  Depression can be so brutal and so can its effects on one's life.  - epictetus

Edited by Epictetus
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Hello Nic,

Sounds like you have a communication problem with your Mother.  Depression won't help that or make things easier.  But communications problems can be a thing of their own.  And the parent/child relationship can be complicated.

My daughter is very resistent to communicating certain things verbally.  So, we resort to writing in some cases.  (texting isn't all bad)  I know I have had to sort some things out via letter (and left the continent to get some distance so I can think straight, take time to figure out what I want to say and then write it down...wait a week or two for a response, ah the good old days of snail mail)

So, if you have problems talking to your Mother (or anyone), is there a less interactive way to communicate, maybe in writing, that will give you some time to think, formulate your responses and then reply?  You would probably have to preface this to let your mother know that you need time and interactive talking is not helping since her patience seems to be short.   Just a thought...

And then...why do you think she gets impatient while awaiting a reply?  I can think of a couple reasons, but understanding her perspective helps moving forward and finding a constructive channel of communication.

m

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Hi there, sorry that you seems to have difficulty trying to communicate with your mum. Sometimes my daughter get frustrated with me too when I don’t understand her intention or her way of telling me stuff.  I’m sorry you feel the lack of love from your mother when she is impatient when listening to you. Sometimes I think we mothers can and should try to slow down a bit when our child tries to talk to us. Mothers always have plans in their head and am trying to keep their heads above water most of the time, trying to survive. But I also hope you know you are loved. Above all things, I’m sure your mother loves you. Life has a way of making people feel less affectionate, less patient and less loving towards the people around us. Life might have that effect on her but don’t let life get you ok?? You are stronger and braver than you think. You can rise above all these. Take care and be well. Praying for you. God bless! 

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