Changes in the wind moving the sails to journey across the sea...

[PsychT1987 225]

For me anxiety, frustration, and depression come along with change for me. I embrace it and become stronger after it that is a fact.

 

I know a trigger in my life is when I start a new job. Become a storm of emotions.

The months counting down till I got married. Then add in moving in my wife moving away from my life been living for some time. Another change and more emotions, but I made it through it all.

Fear of the unknown excaberates it the intensity of this storm.

 

The wife wants to work towards having a child. I am excited, but worried because our careers are kind of flat lined right now. I looked into a few different careers changes over the past year, but little panned out.

My wife and I are in school right now, but over the course of 2 years we hit a rut. Plans have been halted due to limited school options in our State. Financially we just pay bills and try to save, but it's difficult. Rents are expensive and have been living with the MIL for little over a year.

 

Wife and I talked about a plan. Wife is 100% a go me about 80%.

We done our research and found areas where both are current career are in demand. Within this area found more school options then we currently have in our State with lots more flexibility. Lower school cost and lower cost of living. Found rents that are $500 to $1000 less then where we currently live. Plus less times for SAD with winter only being brief and short.

 

Also add in more activities we enjoy like comic conventions, running, hiking, kayaking, reading clubs, more clubs, and festivals.

 

The crux is it's 8 hours away from family, pets, and friends. That idea is torture and tearing me apart inside. I have a huge fear of Death and feeling I never see thoss close to me enough. Feel guilty and will feel more guilty if O abandon them.

Realize it could be for the best and only temporary. So many  thoughts going through my head. How much life could change for those I am close to and not being able to be there for them. It scares me I don't know.

I was up and down last night. Rough sleep cried a little. Then the thoughts of wanting to end my life sank in and trying to turn those thoughts off to go go bed was rough.

Any advice insight feedback please.

[Epictetus 19,083]

Hi PsychT1987,

So sorry for what you are suffering through.  I am ashamed to say that I can't really think of any advice to give.  I am still in the grip of the flu and maybe it is affecting my thinking.    Hopefully other members will have something helpful and productive to say.  All I can say at the moment is that I feel for what you are going through and my heart goes out to you!!!!!  - epictetus

[PsychT1987 225]

Probably the biggest thing is I opened up to my wife about events last night. Told her about the crying, the intrusive thoughts, and planning ways to go. Actually was a relief to talk with my wife.

Also next week plan to talk to my mom and make her dinner tell her what's going on. That'l probably be the toughest part. Because my mom and I have a strong bond since I was 4 when my dad left. So figure make her a nice dinner and talk tibher about this new venture in life. Hopefully reassure her that it's not goodbye. Hope she can visit if it does pan out and maybe eventually move down that way with retirement nearing for her.

As far as grandparents go will do all I can to keep in touch. Maybe teach them how to Skype. I know the Aunt can help them out with that.

The pets will be tough to separate from. When having mental health issues form a strong healing bond with your critters.

I have a strong feeling few friends from the area might move with us as time progresses and know a few friends who wouldn't mind visiting us.

So hope isn't to bleak. Just have to persevere. This time not alone have my wife, which is a plus.

[PoeticProse 319]

Hi PsychT1987,

Thank you for sharing these details of your personal life - I hope it was somewhat helpful to get these things off your chest.  It is also great that you were able to share these things with your wife.  Sometimes little things like this are the hardest to do, and you seem to be doing all you can to make these circumstances positive.

It is also good to hear that "hope isn't to bleak" - this is a great insight.  It is completely understanding that transitions are difficult and anxiety-provoking.  When major life changes occur along with mental health concerns, they are even more stressful.  Leaving pets is certainly a meaningful experience for people, and that will certainly require some time to move past.  Moving geographically is known as one of the top stressors in the average person's life, even though it may seem minor in comparison to other life experiences.  But this is an entirely valid concern, and you are pursuing it with a goal-oriented, well-organized manner that I admire.

I hope that everything works out well for you.  You certainly seem to be on the right track and your planning related to maintaining strong ties with families is as good as it can be.  I wish you the very best of luck - be sure to keep us posted.