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Natasha1

What is your URGE?

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2 hours ago, sober4life said:

Yes that was amazing!  You are very talented.  That was like I said amazing!  I have to listen to that again!

Thank you for the kind words.  I feel this way sometimes and wanted others to know and perhaps relate to not being alone in our struggles..

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1 hour ago, sober4life said:

It's not just kind words.  It's a very powerful song.  Honestly it's one of the best songs I have ever heard.  It relates to so many people out there.

Agreed. It definitely resonates with me.

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On 4/24/2018 at 6:42 AM, JD4010 said:

Up and walk away from my current life. Become a bum.

Where would you most like to be a bum?

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Like others here have said, run away. Find somewhere where I can get myself together. Figure out what I want and how to get it.  But it's a fantasy as that will never happen.

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13 hours ago, Bbqdad said:

Where would you most like to be a bum?

Alaska. Hahaha!

I just no longer want to be buried under all of the crap in my life.

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Maybe I should drink today.  Things will be different this time.  I can control myself.  I'm stronger now.  I deserve to take a break today.  What other trash should I put down brain?

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18 minutes ago, sober4life said:

Maybe I should drink today.  Things will be different this time.  I can control myself.  I'm stronger now.  I deserve to take a break today.  What other trash should I put down brain?

Amazing! I was just thinking the same thing. I had an event trigger a very painful memory a few minutes ago. It sent me into a tailspin. I wanted to buy a bottle and disappear from reality. I still do. But I know better.

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20 minutes ago, JD4010 said:

Amazing! I was just thinking the same thing. I had an event trigger a very painful memory a few minutes ago. It sent me into a tailspin. I wanted to buy a bottle and disappear from reality. I still do. But I know better.

For me my mind has been trying to get me to relapse through nightmares.  It's obvious my life as is isn't enough so bringing back long forgotten toxic people from my past might work it thinks but it's wrong.  The diseased part of our brain knows we are stronger than it is.  The disease is on it's last leg with both of us.  We win!

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To obsess again, that's my comfort zone.  But it's just wasting life, time, my life.  Not that there's anything to waste.  But still.  Love dreaming my life away.. *sarcasm*

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9 hours ago, sober4life said:

As long as I have been sober this has been the hardest day to stay sober so far.  The dream that was meant to make me relapse will be what keeps me sober.  

Hang in there. I can relate to the “dreams” As for alcohol, it causes my mind to kick into psychosis. And that doesn’t stop after the booze is gone. I want to stay sane. Your reason may be different but I applaud your choices.

”angry dreams invade my head...bitter memories of things best unsaid”

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13 hours ago, JD4010 said:

Amazing! I was just thinking the same thing. I had an event trigger a very painful memory a few minutes ago. It sent me into a tailspin. I wanted to buy a bottle and disappear from reality. I still do. But I know better.

You are better.

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6 hours ago, Bbqdad said:

Hang in there. I can relate to the “dreams” As for alcohol, it causes my mind to kick into psychosis. And that doesn’t stop after the booze is gone. I want to stay sane. Your reason may be different but I applaud your choices.

”angry dreams invade my head...bitter memories of things best unsaid”

I have problems with psychosis as well.  Which came first the drugs and alcohol or the paranoia and hallucinations?  I'm honestly not sure.  The alcohol definitely makes things worse though.  You stay strong too.  It's scary how it will try to keep making us go back to it no matter how bad things get.

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On 17-4-2018 at 11:53 AM, sober4life said:

I want to build a space ship or time machine.  Anything to get me the hell out of here is good!

:roll2:

 

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