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What's On Your Mind Right Now? (2)


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On 3/21/2018 at 0:54 AM, Asta said:

Now I want a whiptail scorpion, it's a scorpion only it has twig looking things instead of a stinger.  I think I want it for the same reason people want fairy gardens, bring some summer indoors. 

Gah. I just saw this. I'm not scared of much of anything...but that scorpion would send me running. Wasps and scorpions both give me the creeps. Spiders and snakes don't.

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Wondering how I'm going to get through this work week. Working away from home until I get a project done - which means probably the rest of this week at an unfamiliar place with unfamiliar people doing frustrating work without any of my creature comforts or daily routines and rhythms. After going through today like this, I think it at least partially explains my miserable and irritable mood these last few days.

Also, speaking of bad drivers, I almost got slammed head on by some a****** driving in my lane to get around an Amish horse and buggy.

I'm ****ing drained. Emotionally, mentally, and physically.

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On 4/12/2018 at 7:30 PM, LouisRiel said:

Playoffs, my show, and pizza :) Finally some light hearted things

Hockey playoffs?  Oilers are not in. 

I just received a text "Hello" from area code 405...........Oklahoma.   What should I do?  Reply? or No?

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Monday 10:45 pm.

Doing my income taxes and hating life.  Because I have a few dollars in the bank I am being treated like a fourth class citizen by the tax man or to be political correct should I say tax lady?  :smilingteeth:

Stock markets up today which is always good.  

Edited by duck
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52 minutes ago, sober4life said:

Oh I feel like going away for weekend in my old ways.  I guess part of me wishes partying was still fun.

Yes, a poor man's vacation. I understand the appeal all too well. But the after effects suck so badly.

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5 hours ago, JD4010 said:

Yes, a poor man's vacation. I understand the appeal all too well. But the after effects suck so badly.

I will not give up.  I know how dangerous it would be after being sober for so long.  Of course my brain is trying hard to convince me during this holiday.  There's too much at stake right now.  If I mess up now my family will never speak to me again.  

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I wish my life was like the film 'The butterfly effect'. I want so much to be able to go back in time and redo things differently, make better choices, avoid certain things. My mind is all over the place, I'm angry at myself and full to the brim of emotion about so many different things. 

Knock me out and let me go back to sleep 

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I’m in a self loathing vicious circle. I’m having trouble being productive in studying and applying to jobs. I’ve struggled with productivity for the past two weeks even with adderall. I just can’t execute being productive even though that’s what I really want to do and be. The motivation doesn’t push me enough to actually do even though in my heart I really want to. I feel really behind and all of a sudden right now at this second I feel like I’m crashing and it’s the first time in a real long time the thought I wish I were dead came across. Any SI terrifies me because I’ve attempted before. Even if just simple thoughts like this. I just want to feel and be better. I’m feeling defeated. My parents pressured me to go out with them right now. I normally enjoy this but I can’t right now because I’m consumed by these depressed feelings of failure, shame, and disgust.

What’s worse is that I’d like someone to smother me with love and cheer me up and tell me I’m the best etc but I know it’s not healthy. I wanna root and feel good about myself but being so productiveless I feel like . And then I get in this circle of feeling like and not being able to get out of it because I’m not productive 

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