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Tungsten Aromatics

What's On Your Mind Right Now? (2)

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22 hours ago, JD4010 said:

My long lost girlfriend. I'm pathetic. If only I knew what happened to her.

You are not pathetic.  You love her.  The one I love is always on my mind I just don't talk about her anymore.

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Unmotivated.  Terrified of what's next without my medicine any longer.  Tired of thinking about this depression I feel. Realizing  my strength to encourage is waning.  Two sons have been in the er this week both also battling depression and I no longer have the strength to be there as I am down in the dark hole with them finally.

My husband is at a loss as to this chemical has run its course through each of his lived ones and he is not depressed from genetics yet becoming that way through circumstances.  He is so upset that the drs wont help me get back on my meds that my psych talked me off of.

 

 

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On 1/19/2018 at 7:56 AM, LonelyHiker said:

Death can't come soon enough. Nothing is any good anymore. Nothing. I wish I'd never been born.

@LonelyHiker, I’m sorry that your struggling right now. Wish i some amazing words of wisdom to share w you. I don’t. But i do relate to your feelings. On days that I’m feeling really down, I force myself to find just one thing, in the entire waking hours of that day - that I didn’t mind so much, or that something was cool to look at, even a crack on my wall i never noticed before, or even that someone actually smiled & held the door open for me (like I mattered for just that single moment), it can literally be ANYthing! And when it’s time to go to bed (that’s usualy when things are much worse for me) I remember that stupid/silly/pointless thing ... and I lay in bed basically dissecting it in my mind until I fall asleep. Then I do it all over the nxt day. And it’s all mine- my thing - my game - my rules. Anyways, might sound dumb, but thought i wld share it w ya. Keep ur head up ok! Find ur thing tomorrow & let me know what it was ok!?

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20 hours ago, sober4life said:

You are not pathetic.  You love her.  The one I love is always on my mind I just don't talk about her anymore.

There are big holes in our hearts. I'm trying to get mine to heal but the wound seems to keep reopening.

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16 minutes ago, JD4010 said:

There are big holes in our hearts. I'm trying to get mine to heal but the wound seems to keep reopening.

I know I feel the same way.  We both feel love very deeply.

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8 minutes ago, Aki Sky said:

Out in public envying other people my age hanging out with their friends... looking at myself always doing stuff alone.

Same. Just got back from the store. The only other people I saw alone were elderly. I try to get myself out of the house, but it's this painful realization every time.

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Just now, velvetpuddles said:

Same. Just got back from the store. The only other people I saw alone were elderly. I try to get myself out of the house, but it's this painful realization every time.

Same here everytime you try and go out... it's like poison in your vains. The outcasts, pariahs, and misfits of society.

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56 minutes ago, Aki Sky said:

Same here everytime you try and go out... it's like poison in your vains. The outcasts, pariahs, and misfits of society.

I want to say something to ease your pain and help myself, but I'm at a loss right now. So instead, here... :hugs:

Someway, somehow we will all get through this pain and misery; I'm sure of it.

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1 hour ago, velvetpuddles said:

I want to say something to ease your pain and help myself, but I'm at a loss right now. So instead, here... :hugs:

Someway, somehow we will all get through this pain and misery; I'm sure of it.

Thank you so much *hugs back* :hugs:

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I know how you feel and I am tired of being the misfit but I always have been.  I have fought for years to change and do better just for everyone to still be like nope we still hate you.  I am the person that everyone points and laughs at every time I go anywhere.  I am the outcast that even the other outcasts throw away.

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My husband got us tickets to see Swan Lake (the ballet) as a belated Valentine's Day gift, and I spent most of it barely able to concentrate and super cold because I had wet hair. It's not like I was bored, but I kept finding my mind drifting which sucks. I've seen other ballets and enjoyed them. I feel like it I wasn't so freezing cold, my focus would've been at least 50 percent better.

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I am so bored with laying down and watching TV all day. But I have absolutely no motivation to do anything else. I even washed dishes earlier to break up the monotony. I just want to want to do things.

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I keep thinking about my psychiatrist appointment today. There were a couple cop cars pulling in when I showed up. Turns out they were going to the same office I was. Then a couple paramedics showed up. 

I don't know exactly what was going on (they talked in the hall since I was sitting in the waiting room). The late teen-ish patient and one of the paramedics were talking really loudly, though. I guess he was being aggressive and threatening to hurt himself in the office and agreed to sign himself into a psych hold at the hospital.

I don't know why I keep thinking about it, really. The whole experience felt very surreal. I just can't get it out of my head.

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I took a shower, but I didn't wash my hair. Every time I have something planned just for me, my husband or son, out of the blue demand my time and attention. That was the way it was yesterday and I just suck at being interrupted.

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On 2/24/2018 at 4:45 PM, sober4life said:

I know how you feel and I am tired of being the misfit but I always have been.  I have fought for years to change and do better just for everyone to still be like nope we still hate you.  I am the person that everyone points and laughs at every time I go anywhere.  I am the outcast that even the other outcasts throw away.

Another "weirdo" here. People can sense that I'm different apparently.

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What's on my mind right now, is that I am such an emotional paradox.

I relapsed, I had a very difficult past few days and near burn out due to acquaintances substituting me for their therapist.

Whilst at the same time I find myself making appointments with local politicians to address issues in our area.

 

Yikes.

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1 hour ago, JD4010 said:

Another "weirdo" here. People can sense that I'm different apparently.

I feel like I'm branded for life.  So there is probably nothing I can do.  I'm just automatically out.  I'm the loneliest person you will ever meet but I have no choice but to be alone forever.:sniffle1:

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My urging need to book when im doing my wilderness hikes. Can never be set in stone based on husbands work schedule which is never set this early. Between him and the k8ds activities and my biz ...its a challenge. 

But i have this horrible need to plan it out right now.

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At this point I just want to die.  I don't want to get better and don't believe I ever will.  I just want this to be over.  The sooner it can happen the better. I hate every single moment of this hell they call life. 

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13 minutes ago, Lady Mozzer said:

I`m disappointed in myself. I overslept and didn`t get anything done compared to yesterday .I feel quite useless.

Im like that too. Feeling that way is probs the worst thing we can do! Try instead to celebrate your efforts and success from yesterday!!

Kudos!

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