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The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" Topic (5)


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2 hours ago, sober4life said:

The light in me is burnt out at this point.  There is no fight left.:sniffle1:

You have this uncanny ability of re-igniting your own pilot light. I've seen you do it before. Again, this is encouraging for me as well. You definitely are an inspiration.

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50 minutes ago, JD4010 said:

You have this uncanny ability of re-igniting your own pilot light. I've seen you do it before. Again, this is encouraging for me as well. You definitely are an inspiration.

Thank you for this post.  It's exactly what I needed.  I won't give up I'm just hurt very deeply.:hugs:

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5 hours ago, RiverLight said:

Sober, you deserve happiness. You deserve to feel good. It's heartbreaking seeing you feeling this way. But yes, you've had a really rough go of things in life, and therefore, it creates struggles. Please be kind to yourself.. you can only do so much, and then we have to give into the universe and let life flow sometimes. Hang in there!! :hugs:

Thank you.  I hope I find happiness in this world.  Looking back through my life I am not sure if I ever felt happy.  I hope I find love like you have.  Then I will finally be happy.  I live my whole life feeling broken hearted and I am not sure how much longer I can do this.

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I changed my settings to try to follow this better. It's so hard for me to keep up, especially these days when I've been so busy with my writing (oh yes, I'm writing my novel). Anyway, I keep meaning to keep up but i keep losing my place. Is there any way to bookmark a page or should I just check in with the last page only. That's about all I can do, but not even that always because i feel like i lose context or I'm just so frustrated at that point. ha! I'm sorry, I also check other forums. I'm kinda forum obsessed, so that's partly why I haven't been on this site as much. 

Totally digressed. How do I feel right now??? Tired in the eyes, but wide awake. I wanna do so much! I wanna write, I wanna work out, I wanna eat (omg, if i don't watch myself I start walking and eating. I'm insane lately that way) ummm I don't know what else, but well, I guess I'm tired from the computer but also kindof addicted. I feel a little sad being away from it, unless I'm eating or exercising or writing in my journal/my novel.

Oh yes, a bookmark would be nice to followup after my post, but i guess folks tag or quote me if they want to?? Thanks guys. Hugs to anyone who needs em!

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1 hour ago, anxiousE said:

I changed my settings to try to follow this better. It's so hard for me to keep up, especially these days when I've been so busy with my writing (oh yes, I'm writing my novel). Anyway, I keep meaning to keep up but i keep losing my place. Is there any way to bookmark a page or should I just check in with the last page only. That's about all I can do, but not even that always because i feel like i lose context or I'm just so frustrated at that point. ha! I'm sorry, I also check other forums. I'm kinda forum obsessed, so that's partly why I haven't been on this site as much. 

Totally digressed. How do I feel right now??? Tired in the eyes, but wide awake. I wanna do so much! I wanna write, I wanna work out, I wanna eat (omg, if i don't watch myself I start walking and eating. I'm insane lately that way) ummm I don't know what else, but well, I guess I'm tired from the computer but also kindof addicted. I feel a little sad being away from it, unless I'm eating or exercising or writing in my journal/my novel.

Oh yes, a bookmark would be nice to followup after my post, but i guess folks tag or quote me if they want to?? Thanks guys. Hugs to anyone who needs em!

Hello Anxious.  Fellow novel writer here!!!

When I post on here, I get little notices on the bell icon at top that show me the number of people who have posted.  Click on any one of those, and, voila, your back in here.

Keep writing, my friend!

 

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Bad leg is hurting, but other leg feels kind of achy and stiff too. I just feel like crap both inside and out. I wish I had the ability to book a hotel room somewhere and just sleep for about a week without any interruptions or responsibilities. 

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11 hours ago, sober4life said:

Thank you.  I hope I find happiness in this world.  Looking back through my life I am not sure if I ever felt happy.  I hope I find love like you have.  Then I will finally be happy.  I live my whole life feeling broken hearted and I am not sure how much longer I can do this.

Love is beautiful, but it's not everything, that's for sure. It's like the icing on the cake, but it's not the whole cake. I do hope you find happiness..... you deserve it, like I said before. :icon12::hugs:

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Frustrated. Peeved. This day has been going great. Until I found out there are NO flights to where I need to go this weekend. I'm shocked. I've never had this happened before. Literally. I've just spent almost an hour trying to find other ways of getting there, but my computer has been outrageously slow for days. Trying another restart...

Disgusted, and getting bitter. I swear, some days I feel ****ing cursed. Or like there's this raincloud over me that follows me around like a psychopath or a demon. 

I just don't know what the hell to do. Will anything ever go right? When something good comes along, and things seem to go right, something else can come along and knock it out of my hands.

Wait - I just realized maybe I'm thinking like some childhood abusers talked. I don't want to be contaminated by their evil, ugly pseudo-victim mentality. Maybe I need to push back against this...

There must be other ways to get there. If I'm truly so inclined. I don't even know, actually. I'm so exhausted. But I do want to go...maybe I can ask someone at work to help me do it on my phone tomorrow...

Feeling better already. :) More in control. More like myself. Writing does help me sort out my thoughts!

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I feel good. I am finally exercising proper self-care for once. I am leaving this other forum that I have been on, which I have found to be extremely TOXIC to my mental health. I feel like I am making smarter and wiser decisions. I don't need to be on that forum. I certainly don't need harsh judgements and harsh criticisms. People argue with each other on that forum, and cut each other down. I am SO done with it and over it. I want to take good care of myself now. I want to feel supported, with empathy and understanding. What's the point of a mental health forum if you can't get that at the very least???? At least people here support each other and are not severely nasty to each other. UGH. Who needs that? Not me!

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2 hours ago, RiverLight said:

Love is beautiful, but it's not everything, that's for sure. It's like the icing on the cake, but it's not the whole cake. I do hope you find happiness..... you deserve it, like I said before. :icon12::hugs:

Thank you.  I know my mistake is thinking it's the whole cake.  I know I have to find a way to be happy on my own.  I get obsessed with love not because I feel unloved.  I am completely unloved in my life away from here.

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Just now, sober4life said:

Thank you.  I know my mistake is thinking it's the whole cake.  I know I have to find a way to be happy on my own.  I get obsessed with love not because I feel unloved.  I am completely unloved in my life away from here.

I sent you a PM with something that may help!! We have to love ourselves primarily, and not rely on love, affection or attention from others in order to truly be happy inside. Yes, it's more challenging when we don't receive love from those we care about the most or from those closest in our lives. But that doesn't mean we cannot develop self-love and self-respect, regardless of how others treat us. It starts with self-love and then extends outwards. Once we love ourselves, it shows and then attracts positive people and things in life. :icon12::flowers:

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OK, so even after trying to be positive, my computer woes continue. 

I just feel rattled, p***** off, and I don't know where to put these feelings. I wanted to spend 1/2 hour of this precious time off work doing something I enjoy. And I still want to. But I just feel...angry. I know I can't fix this problem now: it's too late at night, and I simply don't have time. I just don't know how to put away the feelings. UGH! 

It's weird, too...it's like they're not my feelings. It's like I act this way sometimes, get locked into this mental track, because that's how I "had to" behave as a child. I had an extremely toxic childhood environment, and truly evil, warped people sowing all kinds of unhealthy thoughts in my head. The dynamics I was taught to live into are indescribably destructive. If I ever showed any "weakness," abusers would jump all over me. My only "chance" at safety of any kind, much less getting my way in anything was to be angry, to shut them out, and sulk or join the pity party (be as negative as possible, even ridiculously so). I didn't agree. I intensely disagreed sometimes. But being genuine, letting my emotions show, showing hope or positivity or anything they construed as weakness...they punished me so viciously for it. Now I'm afraid to let any such thing show. Like, EVER. 

So it's like this childlike part of me feels obligated, trapped into hanging on to this anger, to be discouraged, to throw up my hands and say "woe is me," and huff. And say "it's just my luck." And give up. And let it ruin everything until another wind blows me another way.

But I don't want to. I want to be active, and direct my own life. I want to be the causal agent in my own life, instead of just letting things happen to me, and reacting, and drawing conclusions about my "fate." Because I know that's not how it really works.

I want to be me again, and live by my own truth. I want to set my heart free, and follow it. 

I'm making conscious changes day by day, and several days into sticking to my resolutions. I know it starts there.

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Frustrated and bitter. I'm so weary of getting repeatedly kicked in the head at work. Personnel issues in another part of our company are rolling downhill on top of my unit. It's going to get really ugly. I'm am going to be forced into doing things I am loathe to do...because of actions elsewhere that have nothing to do with me or my unit. I resent the hell out of that.

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2 hours ago, RiverLight said:

I feel good. I am finally exercising proper self-care for once. I am leaving this other forum that I have been on, which I have found to be extremely TOXIC to my mental health. I feel like I am making smarter and wiser decisions. I don't need to be on that forum. I certainly don't need harsh judgements and harsh criticisms. People argue with each other on that forum, and cut each other down. I am SO done with it and over it. I want to take good care of myself now. I want to feel supported, with empathy and understanding. What's the point of a mental health forum if you can't get that at the very least???? At least people here support each other and are not severely nasty to each other. UGH. Who needs that? Not me!

I have done the same thing.  The only way I have been able to stay sober is by cutting out toxic people in my life.

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6 minutes ago, sober4life said:

I have done the same thing.  The only way I have been able to stay sober is by cutting out toxic people in my life.

EXACTLY. Toxic people are pure POISON. They must be eliminated!!! Their poison can infect your whole being and soul!! EW!

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Paranoid... Ever since last night, I feel nothing is safe! I feel I'm being spied on through the Internet and everything is toxic thanks to money and greed... They add additives to food to make it addictive, add toxic chemicals in perfumes, shampoos etc make it smell good/feel good... Including makeup... They stage media and make social media addictive while fooling/harming people all for the sake of cash!!!

I am afraid of living now and really thinking of s--cide... Even s--cide scares me... But this world is full of evil and I just don't belong in it! There's too much brainwashing out there, too!  

Sorry if I sound stupid! I am getting so paranoid and thinking of s--cide to escape from all evil... That's the only way out... OR move to another planet? 

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On 11/04/2018 at 2:43 PM, JD4010 said:

Well, we both belong here, on the DF. I was talking more generally, in the sense of the world at large. Especially at work.

I am also naive when it comes to dealing with people. I get taken advantage of repeatedly. I merely want things to progress smoothly and without conflict. Unfortunately, very few other people want that, from my experience over the decades.

That's really sad... Your job seems toxic! Sorry for asking... If people take advantage of you and your job is making you more depressed, maybe search for a new job? 

It's okay, you don't have to listen to me... Nobody takes me seriously here because of my age...

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On 4/11/2018 at 11:44 PM, evalynn said:

Bad leg is hurting, but other leg feels kind of achy and stiff too. I just feel like crap both inside and out. I wish I had the ability to book a hotel room somewhere and just sleep for about a week without any interruptions or responsibilities. 

So sorry to hear.  HUGS.

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17 hours ago, RiverLight said:

EXACTLY. Toxic people are pure POISON. They must be eliminated!!! Their poison can infect your whole being and soul!! EW!

AMEN!!!!!

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