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The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" Topic (5)


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Everybody belongs somewhere.

It might not feel like it or seem like it, but when people respond you to here on a positive note you could take something from that.

 

I am feeling pretty good, very tired and run down but happy with the new job, even though it is costing me more to get there and back and have my child looked after than I actually earn. But I am out there, I am surrounded by adults and I have a particular responsibility regarding the new job.  Gave into my darker place for a split second when my son decided to push buttons but handled it okay all the same, could have been better but it ended on a positive note.

I am not in a bad place, but reading things like this in the 'off topic' section makes me wonder if I have a place here on the forum tbh.

 

 

Is there a 'How do you feel right now' in any of the other sections? Would it not be more appropriate to place very heavy thoughts there instead? With a pinned section of which numbers to ring (regarding whatever country you happen to reside in) and immediate access to crisis help?

I just find it very triggering to read in the off topic section.

 

Edited by Tux
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Hi @Tux

There is another feeling thread in the Seniors area. Ill post a link in my next post. Copied the hotline section for this post.

If you are viewing the forums, the very top group is thea area for crisis information. It will take you here: 

https://www.depressionforums.org/forums/forum/2-suicide-help-please-read-this-if-you-or-someone-you-know-are-having-thoughts-about-suicide-call-1-800-273-talk-8255-calls-are-connected-to-a-certified-crisis-center-nearest-the-callers-location/

There is a thread for crisis centres for the US as well as international.

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@Natasha1  I am not the one needing crisis intervention. Thank you though :)  I was just pointing out that in the 'Off Topic' section, coming across very very triggering comments is.... difficult. I don't think heavy comments like that have a place in the 'off topic' section. I genuinely do not mean it in a bad way, it's just that some of the users on the forum are in a better place and only seek out the Watercooler as it is safe.  Not so much it seems.

 

PS: I hope the senior thing is referring to something other than age ha ha ha

Edited by Tux
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@Tux i will bring it up with staff. This thread is probably the most active and some might consider it their virtual lifeline. I think the café is more like a light place as it is where the games should be. I will discuss with the others though.

Edit: the suicide link...i misunderstood...but i did want to show that it is there.

Edited by Natasha1
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I love the people here but I hate myself and always will.  I have been hurt too many times in my life and I don't deserve it.  I live a life where I haven't felt safe anywhere in decades.  I barely sleep and when I do my sleep is filled with nightmares of awful abuse I've gone through.  I just want to spend the rest of my life hiding from people as much as I can.:sniffle1:I feel broken into a million pieces.

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I've just done my makeup and going out soon... I done it very nicely! I think I look pretty for once but... I also feel really fake with it on? I look really pretty today but I deep down feel ashamed and depressed how much makeup I am wearing right now to achieve beauty...

Sorry if I'm not making any sense, guys! I always sound dumb...

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8 hours ago, sober4life said:

I love the people here but I hate myself and always will.  I have been hurt too many times in my life and I don't deserve it.  I live a life where I haven't felt safe anywhere in decades.  I barely sleep and when I do my sleep is filled with nightmares of awful abuse I've gone through.  I just want to spend the rest of my life hiding from people as much as I can.:sniffle1:I feel broken into a million pieces.

Honey, it's like you just stole my diary! The similarity is unbelievable... I thought I was alone in this and nobody would ever understand...

I would always hate myself, deep down... I too have been hurt too many times... People wonder why I am so "strong" Really, I am just used to the pain... But I feel like I am about to lose all control...

I too don't sleep (like last night) and when I do, it's usually nightmares, including past memories...

I also love EVERYONE, I am so naive.. I love everyone and never leave them because I know the feeling of being ignored, dumped, hated, hopelessness and pain too well... People should not suffer this kind of pain...

I search love... The friends/guys I do have leave immediately when I tell them I love them... It's awful and sickening getting dumped all the time... They promise they'd never leave everytime... 

I will type more soon... I am ready to leave the house, sadly, I don't want to... Hope to talk soon... Love you dear :icon12:  

PS I know that I'm only 19 and won't be taken seriously... But I try my hardest to help people of all ages... :icon12:

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On 4/9/2018 at 5:03 AM, salparadise6132 said:

Hi UF - I am not a believer, but am spiritual, if you like.  I understand how lonely you feel.  I hope, though, that you can come to a relationship with your God that is your own, no matter what anyone else thinks! I would hate to see you throw away a relationship with God on account of the waywardness of others in organized religion.  From my perspective, you and God know each other - and that is what counts!!!!

Hugs!!!!

Thanks! Hugs back!!!!

I don't know that I have a relationship with any god at all anymore. I don't even know if I really believe in any god anymore. I don't know what believe, at least not about supernatural matters. I need to let resurface what I believe about other matters...moral...aesthetic...emotional. I'm trying to work out how I feel about life in general. I think I just need to play this by ear and see where I land...

Otherwise...I'm staving off depression today. I woke up on the proverbial wrong side of the bed again this morning...no, there's more to it than that. I started getting red flags from potential employers last night, and it irked the hell out of me. Here I am, just struggling to get through each day. I'm so lonely it hurts. I'm lucky if I have 2 1/2 hours each night that are NOT sucked up by this job. I DON'T need to deal with deception on top of it all! 

I HATE stress. Seriously, I have a personality that just is not built for conflict, instability, chaos, and all that. I FREAK OUT. I just want this job search settled. I'll still have to slog through the next few weeks, the effort of changing and all that. But I want it settled and done with so I don't have to worry about potentially not having a job when I finish out this contract position. 

I can't even give much time or energy to what matters most to me right now, which is relationships and health. I need a job that will allow me to do that. I wish I could just get grants to go back to school again. Or do *something* that would allow me more "personal" time. My life needs a major overhaul. What I really want -- I think -- is to move in an entirely new direction. 

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14 hours ago, babyxgothxx said:

You do belong :console:

I don't belong anywhere

Well, we both belong here, on the DF. I was talking more generally, in the sense of the world at large. Especially at work.

I am also naive when it comes to dealing with people. I get taken advantage of repeatedly. I merely want things to progress smoothly and without conflict. Unfortunately, very few other people want that, from my experience over the decades.

Edited by JD4010
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20 hours ago, JD4010 said:

I hope you don't try to OD, or any other method of suicide. Please don't.

Stay here with us. We have all been through pure hell so we can relate with each other.

I am doing my very very best. Im keeping myself really busy and occupied. I might enroll to muay thai to keep my mind off this pain. I really appreciate all of the support I am getting here. Lots of love xoxo

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46 minutes ago, AlleroiD said:

I am doing my very very best. Im keeping myself really busy and occupied. I might enroll to muay thai to keep my mind off this pain. I really appreciate all of the support I am getting here. Lots of love xoxo

 

Thank you. It's great that you found this place. The best family I've ever had!

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On 4/9/2018 at 1:36 AM, salparadise6132 said:

Hmm, Dolphin, girl, it all sounds amazing to me, your lifestyle changes, that is!  Ten hearty pats on the back!  Please let yourself accept the accolades for such an effort.

As far as the confidence bit goes, I suspect it's just a blip for you.  EVERYONE, even the seemingly most together among us (not me LOL) feels these moments of doubt.  It is really part of being human. From what I have learned and read about you, you need not worry about the down times.  They come.  They go.  Keep on keeping on!!!  You're doing great.

It is difficult to age.  But it is better than the alternative.  Embrace life while you're here!!!  

Thanks, Brian...I think I needed that :) Perspective is everything, sometimes.

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16 hours ago, sober4life said:

I love the people here but I hate myself and always will.  I have been hurt too many times in my life and I don't deserve it.  I live a life where I haven't felt safe anywhere in decades.  I barely sleep and when I do my sleep is filled with nightmares of awful abuse I've gone through.  I just want to spend the rest of my life hiding from people as much as I can.:sniffle1:I feel broken into a million pieces.

Sober, you deserve happiness. You deserve to feel good. It's heartbreaking seeing you feeling this way. But yes, you've had a really rough go of things in life, and therefore, it creates struggles. Please be kind to yourself.. you can only do so much, and then we have to give into the universe and let life flow sometimes. Hang in there!! :hugs:

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I feel slightly disgusted. This other MH forum I have been on is no good for my mental health -- in fact, it's just full of toxicity. I need to stop going there and stop interacting with people there. Many there are just so obnoxious, caustic, judgemental and harsh... they're not understanding of people's issues and problems. I can't go on there anymore. I'm going to stick around here! It's far better for me.

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