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The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" Topic (5)


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1 minute ago, RiverLight said:

TY KS! :hugs:

I wish I had the confidence. I was just demoted in my current job and I don't know why yet. I have no confidence anymore in what I am doing. I have failed all interviews for the last year, along with personality and skills tests.

I am a failure.

I cannot keep doing this, but I have to get another job -- I have no choice. Maybe I'll be a waitress. Maybe I'll abandon my career altogether. I am no good at this. =( =( =(

 

You're not a failure, in any definition of the word. I'm starting to wonder if it's the business world that's failed everyone else.

 

- KS

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3 minutes ago, KidSurvivor2011 said:

You're not a failure, in any definition of the word. I'm starting to wonder if it's the business world that's failed everyone else.

 

- KS

TY... it just feels like I'm a failure. But perhaps you're right. Had I been more supported in my current job, perhaps I could feel more successful. I've tried to leave my job for almost two years now, without any luck. My field is very very very difficult -- perhaps it's not right for me at all. On paper I look successful though. I'm just not getting to that final job offer. It's so maddening, I want to cry.

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1 hour ago, RiverLight said:

TY KS! :hugs:

I wish I had the confidence. I was just demoted in my current job and I don't know why yet. I have no confidence anymore in what I am doing. I have failed all interviews for the last year, along with personality and skills tests.

I am a failure.

I cannot keep doing this, but I have to get another job -- I have no choice. Maybe I'll be a waitress. Maybe I'll abandon my career altogether. I am no good at this. =( =( =(

 

You can do this. You are NOT a failure. You’re dealing with s chronic severely debilitating illness. One that makes everything much much harder. 

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3 minutes ago, bigtattoo said:

You can do this. You are NOT a failure. You’re dealing with s chronic severely debilitating illness. One that makes everything much much harder. 

TY. :hugs:Thing is, to date, I don't even have a proper diagnosis. It's situational depression that comes and goes due to my life circumstances. I get more depressed in depressing/challenging life situations, but my mind can go to the far negative, which I think is depression ruling my head. My therapist calls it chronic depression. But she is not a psych doc. When things are good, I am totally fine. When my life is unstable, I unravel. It almost feels like a normal response to challenging life circumstances, but I've had suicidal tendencies too. I know no one here can diagnose I'm really just rambling. lol. But yes, in response, my mentality & resulting depression makes life harder when I am facing life challenges.

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2 hours ago, RiverLight said:

thank you, Heather! I have agreed to move in with a male roommate. It's in a safe neighborhood, it's in the middle of downtown, and my room is on the third floor. I think it is OK... I hope!

Thank you for the update.  Congratulations on finding a place, and yes, I hope it is okay/safe for you.  I know trying to find a place really quick brings anxieties and worries.  Take care honey :)

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4 minutes ago, HeatherG said:

Thank you for the update.  Congratulations on finding a place, and yes, I hope it is okay/safe for you.  I know trying to find a place really quick brings anxieties and worries.  Take care honey :)

awwww, thanks sweetheart!!! Y:hugs:Yes, it's a pressure cooker of a situation for sure. Many anxieties! I think this apartment and roommate will be OK though. He seems very nice and very laid back. I think we will get along well.

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1 minute ago, RiverLight said:

awwww, thanks sweetheart!!! Y:hugs:Yes, it's a pressure cooker of a situation for sure. Many anxieties! I think this apartment and roommate will be OK though. He seems very nice and very laid back. I think we will get along well.

Good!  You too sweetie :hugs:

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3 hours ago, RiverLight said:

TY. :hugs:Thing is, to date, I don't even have a proper diagnosis. It's situational depression that comes and goes due to my life circumstances. I get more depressed in depressing/challenging life situations, but my mind can go to the far negative, which I think is depression ruling my head. My therapist calls it chronic depression. But she is not a psych doc. When things are good, I am totally fine. When my life is unstable, I unravel. It almost feels like a normal response to challenging life circumstances, but I've had suicidal tendencies too. I know no one here can diagnose I'm really just rambling. lol. But yes, in response, my mentality & resulting depression makes life harder when I am facing life challenges.

These are old, out of date terms/ but depression used be called reactive or endogenous. You sound as if you have reactive- ie- you react to stressors/ life events. I have endogenous- stressors and life events can exacerbate what’s already there, but I can be depressed at great times in my life. It may be worth going to see a dr and getting a formal diagnosis. 

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Every day I slip another notch. I feel worse every day. This morning I spent three hours just sitting on the couch staring at the wall like a zombie. My life is in utter ruins. I know how overly dramatic that sounds, but it's how I feel. I don't know what to do anymore. This disease has robbed me of everything good I ever had. I feel like I'm just marking time until I die. I hate my life. I curse my parents for having me. Wasn't four kids enough? I'm in agony that defies all rational descriptors. 

All I have is pain. 

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10 minutes ago, LonelyHiker said:

Every day I slip another notch. I feel worse every day. This morning I spent three hours just sitting on the couch staring at the wall like a zombie. My life is in utter ruins. I know how overly dramatic that sounds, but it's how I feel. I don't know what to do anymore. This disease has robbed me of everything good I ever had. I feel like I'm just marking time until I die. I hate my life. I curse my parents for having me. Wasn't four kids enough? I'm in agony that defies rational descriptors. 

All I have is pain. 

I’m sorry to hear you’re struggling so much. Is there an thing that can help? 

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5 minutes ago, bigtattoo said:

I’m sorry to hear you’re struggling so much. Is there an thing that can help? 

Thanks for commiserating bigtattoo.....

To answer your question: I don't think anything can help at this point. My soul and spirit are rotted and putrefied beyond repair.

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52 minutes ago, bigtattoo said:

These are old, out of date terms/ but depression used be called reactive or endogenous. You sound as if you have reactive- ie- you react to stressors/ life events. I have endogenous- stressors and life events can exacerbate what’s already there, but I can be depressed at great times in my life. It may be worth going to see a dr and getting a formal diagnosis. 

Interesting. Yes, I truly need a real diagosis!

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Just wanted to send hugs and good thoughts out to everyone here who is suffering badly. You are all good souls!

I also want to say thank you for the support I've received from so many of you. It means so much and has been greatly appreciated. If I didn't respond to you personally, my apologies. Just logging on takes Herculean effort most days.

 

I love you all.

Tim

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3 hours ago, LonelyHiker said:

Thanks for commiserating bigtattoo.....

To answer your question: I don't think anything can help at this point. My soul and spirit are rotted and putrefied beyond repair.

They’re not. That’s your illness talking. Please try to love yourself. 

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3 hours ago, LonelyHiker said:

Just wanted to send hugs and good thoughts out to everyone here who is suffering badly. You are all good souls!

I also want to say thank you for the support I've received from so many of you. It means so much and has been greatly appreciated. If I didn't respond to you personally, my apologies. Just logging on takes Herculean effort most days.

 

I love you all.

Tim

I want to second this. I don't say thank you nearly often enough to y'all. This is my home away from home, in many ways...and I feel that we are a close family too. I've made some very good friends here...and I can honestly say I wouldn't be alive if not for this place.

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I've been so anxious, I'm barely eating.  My ocd, which is about thoughts, is the most awful bout I've ever had.  I also have no one to talk to or count on.  I wish I didn't worry so much.  I'm finding life harder and harder, kind of like how @LonelyHiker describes it, but due to anxiety.  I cannot believe how poorly I've been feeling.  It's inhumane.

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8 minutes ago, gs22 said:

I've been so anxious, I'm barely eating.  My ocd, which is about thoughts, is the most awful bout I've ever had.  I also have no one to talk to or count on.  I wish I didn't worry so much.  I'm finding life harder and harder, kind of like how @LonelyHiker describes it, but due to anxiety.  I cannot believe how poorly I've been feeling.  It's inhumane.

I feel exactly the same. I just can't shut my mind off! 

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Im p***** off. Im done with snow and figured that we woukd be kinda in the clear at this point.

It cane down. I shovelled. Half an hour goes by and its coming down like a f***** and i start working soon. I have to keep things clear and salted but i cant do that with back to back students. Ive salted at this point but...sigh

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6 hours ago, LonelyHiker said:

Thanks for commiserating bigtattoo.....

To answer your question: I don't think anything can help at this point. My soul and spirit are rotted and putrefied beyond repair.

Your soul isn't putrefied, it's just under a dark cloud.  Clouds can lift.  

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