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Being Bisexual


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Why is Bisexuality so hard for people to understand? I've met plenty of both gay and straight people who have told me to just pick a gender to like. It gets so tiring having so many people think that they know who I am and how I should feel. Every day it's a struggle dealing with gay people acting like I'm not all the way gay, and straight people acting like I'm not all the way straight. It's like a s***ty middle ground, where both parties treat you like an outcast instead of letting you be apart of both. I love being bi, but when people treat me like a freak rather than a human being, it makes me feel less welcome in my own community. I've always had self image issues, and they've always contributed to my depression, so having people treat me like this has had a really negative effect on me, to the point where I'm not even telling my friends about my sexuality, out of fear of them thinking less of me. Has anyone else here had to deal with something like this?

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Some things are best left alone and not discussed with anyone other than a potential partner. Sexuality is a touchy subject and many people have a "what I like is normal, anything else is perverted"-attitude so you can't expect much tolerance from them. Just think of how many people have kinks that they need to hide because others may say "eww, that's gross", it would be nice if people could be completely honest about who and what they like but that's not the world we live in so if what others think is important to you it may be best to keep quiet about it. 

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Hi Nafo23,

    I wish I had something really profound to say in answer to your post, but sadly I am at a loss.  

    My experience is that a lot of people are prone to hostile framing of others.  This hostile framing might be expressed or unexpressed but it can lead to a lot of  mean spirited criticism, hostile labeling, mocking, gossip and sarcasm.  I don't think there is necessarily a lot of conscious malice in this.  It is often an attitude passed from one generation to another.  But anyone who is different from the majority can often be especially targeted. 

     It would be nice if others could appreciate and treasure you for who you are.  Hopefully you will find the understanding and compassion here that you so richly deserve but which is so hard to find elsewhere.  If I am not wrong, I think there are some specialists in gender psychology who think that all human beings are bisexual to some degree.

     Sorry I do not have anything really helpful to say.  Hopefully others here will.  Best to you and welcome to the Forums.  - epictetus

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On 1/1/2018 at 2:25 PM, Nisemono said:

Getting drunk with another man while watching Brokeback Mountain would do nothing for me, because that's a ****ing boring film. 

Aw, I love Brokeback Mountain! I appreciate the reply. Because of the binary nature of sex, male and female (not that someone can't identify to something outside of that) people also perceive sexuality the same way. A man either likes the opposite gender or their own.

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On 12/29/2017 at 1:51 AM, lonelyforeigner said:

if what others think is important to you it may be best to keep quiet about it.

I appreciate the reply, but I shouldn't have to keep quiet about it. I understand that some people won't agree with me being bisexual, but when the lgbt community proclaims itself as a place of safety and acceptance, I should be able to be who I am without fear of being judged or bullied. Straight people and gay people are allowed to wear their sexuality on their sleeve, so why should I have to hide it?

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2 hours ago, Nafo23 said:

I appreciate the reply, but I shouldn't have to keep quiet about it. I understand that some people won't agree with me being bisexual, but when the lgbt community proclaims itself as a place of safety and acceptance, I should be able to be who I am without fear of being judged or bullied. Straight people and gay people are allowed to wear their sexuality on their sleeve, so why should I have to hide it?

You're right, you shouldn't have to but the reality of the situation is that even people in the LGBT community can and sometimes do have prejudices so your only options are being quiet about it or facing and accepting potentially negative feedback. Sometimes people are very open-minded as long as it serves their own purposes but they hold on to bigoted values when it comes to others, you see this type of behavior in numerous communities. Immigrant communities come to mind as an example, you'd think they'd be super accepting based on their own experiences and yet some are hostile toward newcomers once they themselves belong to an accepted group. 

Why do you feel the need to wear your sexuality on your sleeve though? I'm straight and I virtually never discuss who or what I'm attracted to in real life, most people probably think I'm asexual because of this but I can't say that ever bothered me. 

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Do you really have to wear a label can you not just enjoy yourself with the one you

are currently with whether that be female or male.  Just enjoy yourself with your mate

and don't worry about what people think or say.  If you worry about what people think

of you, you will never find true happiness or a peace of mind.  People can be just like

the weather pleasant one day and like a major storm the next day and you don't even

see it coming it just hit you by surprise.  Just live your life the way you think you all too

and maybe one day you will wake up and none of this matter any longer.    

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Just do whatever makes you happy. None of those people who criticize you matter... I am straight , but I have nothing against it, and a few friends in the past came out to me because they were afraid to tell their parents. however, I found it weird that a female friend once told me "its okay, for a girl to be bi-sexual but not for a guy, that's weird." I didn't argue with her, but I got mad because she was bi-sexual too, and that comment made no sense to me. but like others said it's a touchy subject. if you are happy with who you are , don't waste your time worrying about what others think.

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43 minutes ago, ladysmurf said:

I found it weird that a female friend once told me "its okay, for a girl to be bi-sexual but not for a guy, that's weird."

I've heard the same from female friends, a few of them explored their sexuality with women but if a guy did the same they'd consider it a no-go, they consider any guy who touches another guy 100% gay. Double-standards... Same goes for men though, a lot are very accepting of lesbians and bi-sexual women but hate gay men, I guess they perceive them as a threat to their masculinity whereas they consider a lesbian or bi-sexual woman confused (because they haven't had an amazing guy like them) or a potential for a great 3-some. Some beliefs just don't make any sense but it is what it is, no point in arguing with people like that. 

Edited by lonelyforeigner
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4 hours ago, lonelyforeigner said:

I've heard the same from female friends, a few of them explored their sexuality with women but if a guy did the same they'd consider it a no-go, they consider any guy who touches another guy 100% gay. Double-standards... Same goes for men though, a lot are very accepting of lesbians and bi-sexual women but hate gay men, I guess they perceive them as a threat to their masculinity whereas they consider a lesbian or bi-sexual woman confused (because they haven't had an amazing guy like them) or a potential for a great 3-some. Some beliefs just don't make any sense but it is what it is, no point in arguing with people like that. 

yeah i didn't bother to argue with her, because i didn't think it made sense. i don't get the males that are accepting of lesbians or bi-sexual women either, but a gay guy they make fun of ..it makes no sense..just live your life and forget about them..

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  • 5 weeks later...

I'm Bi too. And at least in my bubble of a world, yes, those comments and opinions do tend to present themselves often. The one thing I fire back, because it's my main reason for being bi, and cause I'm a disturber, is "I'm attracted to a person who treats me how I want to be treated, respectful and positive, and is a blast to be around, not for what's between your legs" Most will accept that and shush, there are always gonna be those too ignorant to see anything then their own picture of the world. Let em be, not worth your hassle or brain energy. 

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I'm trans, mostly attracted to fem people but I went through a phase experimenting with guys. I think the issue you're talking about is called "bisexual erasure" buy some. It's frustrating, and seems a lot of people want to put sexuality (and gender too for that matter) into a neat little dichotomy that's easy to understand. And it's like anything outside that freaks them out.

I'm sorry to hear you have to deal with that, especially within the lgbt community. I hope you can find some chill people who are willing to accept that sexuality is more than "you're either a or b! No C-Z!"

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  • 9 months later...

When I was born, my mom asked the doctor to tell her if it was a girl or a boy. He said, "You've had a question mark. Congratulations.)

I consider myself bisexual, but more sexually attracted to females. It was hard for my family to understand it. Even today my mom and brother don't understand it much.

The LGBT Community has always shunned me. Especially females. But this is only speaking about the people in my own life, who I have encountered online or off.

Straight people don' t like me. LGBT don't want me. Asexual's say that I'm not like them, and that I won't fit in. So you know what I done?

I stopped worrying about what they think of me. And I am building a unique beautiful person in myself, inside and out. I listen to my Spiritual Life Coach everyday. Everyday he's got a new video. I'm learning to love myself, in and out, because if I don't love myself, how can anyone else love me?

The hardest part of working on the inner and outer beauty is the inner. The outer I'm exercising. But the inner has a LOT to learn, and when Karma/The Universe presents me with a big task to work out the outside, it eventually affects the inner man too. I exercise 15-20 minutes a day on the treadmill. When we get some work done here at home, I'll be using my weight bench. I've already lost 50 pounds. That's huge.

Patience is one of the hardest things I learn for the inside. I believe we all can get some great work done on our inner man/woman with patience, moderation and peace. 🙂   I wish I had more time to type here. But I must go for now.

(If this sounds stupid, forgive me please).

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  • 1 month later...

I'm bisexual and I Only let a very few people know. Perhaps this has contributed to my depression throughout my life. I've read where studies have shown bi people suffer more from depression and anxiety than any other demographic. It would be great if we all could be open about our sexuality with everyone and some day I believe that will be the case but for now......

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3 hours ago, Oldtroll said:

Perhaps this has contributed to my depression throughout my life.

Definitely sounds like it might. Feeling like you are not fully accepted by society and having to keep a large part of who you are a secret is stressful, especially if you're not feeling your best to begin with. 

3 hours ago, sober4life said:

It shouldn't be any big deal at all.

Indeed! As long as you do not hurt someone else it really shouldn't matter. Its sad that there are still so many prudes out there. Considering how much LGBT stuff is shown in the media you'd think everybody would be accepting by now but sadly it's often used for comedic effect rather than representing them as normal people with different sexual preferences. 

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