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anxiousE

BPD the description here sounds really familiar. Can anyone share further insight?

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I'm just making another post because it's the way to communicate that makes sense right now as I try to find the right places to post. Hopefully, I'm doing ok and or folks are still understanding of me. Perhaps what I'm about to share or talk about will explain a bit more why I'm so insecure.

So, yes, the Borderline Personality disorder description here sounds very familiar. I'm still trying to figure out my "issues" with my therapist and doctor. Firstly though, it sounds an awful lot like a description an old friend (ex friend, but a recent one), who was undiagnosed, but who's personality and words very much resonated with this and also resonated in me. It's why I took to them so deeply. The worst part though is that we could not keep the friendship. There was a lot going on there, but I thought I could trust that they'd stay and I thought I was getting the reassurances... For my side of it, I definitely had some trust issues. I was convinced I was being lied to to protect my feelings or to make me feel better, but lied to all the same. I cannot take lies. So, yea, I broke away. But i half expected and hoped that theyd pull me back. But they didn't. Said one last thing but that they couldnt take my overthinking, probably because they were always trying to escape their own overthinking (??) Their personality was such that they would disappear for long periods of time because of their "bad moods" (i paraphrase) and they kept saying, "nobody wants to be around 'that' person" (paraphrase). But I wanted to be around that person! I mean, i just wanted to be around that whole person. I cared! I didnt want them to feel they had to disappear and i guess maybe i wanted to understand this about me or i just wanted some company or to offer company when either of us was feeling low. But it didnt happen. Theyd eventually disappear anyway. Oh, theyd come back too, but it kept happening and it was straining on me. I wanted to leave by the time they returned, but i didn't want to miss out on time with them, so i stayed. I wonder if that was said and done because of a particular group we were both in, but then again, maybe there is some truth or wisdom in that. See, because I've now been told by another (And I say this in confidence because I know this person means well. I really do) that with some of my behaviors "nobody else is gonna put up with this", and I've kind of seen some truth to that. Not entirely,  of course, but unfortunately, with that one group, one I really wanted to stay around, well, i lost it. They left me/had enough. :/

The mother stuff really hits home too. I had an intense separation anxiety moment as a child with her once, and I'd been feeling it again this year because she's been physically distant (in another state) much of the time, when she previously had been living on the same block and been my number 1 confidant in recent years. And of course, My old friend has a very close relationship with their mother as well.

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I was reading more on this tonight, particularly off of one of the links, and I think that maybe I was just going through a really rough time and I was going through a lot of these thoughts, but I probably don't have this. I can truly say with heart though, that I really feel for anyone struggling with this on a day to day basis. Knowing I can generally talk myself out of or get someone else to do so of these distorted thoughts and feelings, well that makes me really sad for those who can't get that relief. And as someone who's struggled a lot with anxiety...I mean, I can relate to that fear. I'm sorry if I wasted anybody's time here, but something did strike me in this the few times I was looking into it, hence the post...and I suppose now I will just end this with some good wishes for anyone else struggling and who happens upon this.

Best wishes!

 

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This may be premature, as has happened with some of my past posting, but my psychiatrist (technically nurse practicioner) says she doesn't even know about me anymore, possibly a personality disorder (have you ever heard of borderline? She asks me) and so she is referring me to her colleague, an actual psychiatrist, but of course I have to wait until March because she's on vacation. Waah waaah!

So I'm left feeling kinda frustrated and mopey and without antidepressants and that makes me sad and scared! :(

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Omg one month is awesome! I have a psychiatrist. It took me 3 months to get in to see him and i was told i was EXTREMELY LUCKY to get him tgat soon.

Youre ok you have all of us in tge meantime not for medical expertise but support.

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19 hours ago, Natasha1 said:

Omg one month is awesome! I have a psychiatrist. It took me 3 months to get in to see him and i was told i was EXTREMELY LUCKY to get him tgat soon.

Youre ok you have all of us in tge meantime not for medical expertise but support.

Oh, I understand. Ok ok that is reassuring some, but in a way, it kinda already has been three months. I decided to opt for the NP right away, because she was highly recommended too, but just to get something for my intense anxiety and feelings, just to get started. And then, we had talked about seeing the psychiatrist before and so I feel like I missed that chance because the NP diagnosed me with bipolar and I felt satisfied. But then, in all truthfulness, well, let's just say someone close to me came in yesterday to share their perspective, and now the NP doesn't know what to do with me, despite me feeling like stuff was helping. Something I forgot to tell you yesterday, as I'm typically shy about stuff like this in public, but if it helps and is what I have, well, PMDD is also on the table for consideration. And both me and my close folks can attest to the issues there, either exclusively, or I believe, it's in conjunction with bipolar or something else. Hmm, so I just posted in the Zoloft section, but I feel like that was on and off helpful, but I'm reluctantly being told to come off it. I understand why, but I worry about anxiety and depression returning. At least i still have an anti anxiety med, but the next month could be very hard and I could be back to square one, presenting with the depression again, ahh, but I should shut up because this psychiatrist specializes in PMDD.

Sorry again for wavering a bit off topic. But seriously, the NP just has no idea what to do with me and personality disorder, particularly bpd was suggested, so bleh! But she did emphasis that this isn't necessarily anything bad (wait, the disorder or her not knowing? Or both? Meh, forgive me, I'm kinda emotional and was half paying attention when the news broke.), its just out of her expertise. Anyway, so I may be back. :P

Edited by anxiousE

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I currently have been struggling with my wife who has bpd she has been diagnosed a while back but in the advent of having children and getting married it feels almost impossible to work with her and I fear its tearing the family apart. As of right now I'm reaching out to anybody either with the disorder or loves somebody with it to help with some personal advice on how to best help her feel validated and how to help with her constant negative worldview. Anything helps really thank you! 

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