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So, hi. I just recently turned 45, had my first diagnose for (severe) depression 15 years ago. Now after two years of therapy I've come to a realization that I've been depressed from childhood. I work full time in IT (development), I'm medicated, I function. Last week I took the BDI test scoring 35 (severe depression). And started to think if this is it. Is this the new normal, living in a hazy routine waiting for the next major relapse and added medication and sick leave.

I'm so tired.

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Hi Alceste.  Its nice to meet you.

I want to welcome you to the Forums. I am from the USA but was briefly in Helsinki to change planes.  Unfortunately I only saw the airport and what could be seen from the airport windows.  It all looked quite beautiful to me.  

I'm sorry you are suffering from depression and have been since childhood.  I feel the same [I am 63].  Depression is such a cruel and brutal illness.  I hope you will find some benefit from this site.  It has helped me a lot to feel less alone with my illness.  Sometimes it seems like those who have not been stricken with this illness are unable to really understand and empathize.  

My last twenty years have been better than all the others although I realize I am still vulnerable to relapses.  A physician put me on a rather high dose of a medication called Celexa and that helped more than anything before.  Of course different things work and don't work for different people.  

Sorry if I haven't been able to say anything that is really helpful.  Hopefully others here will make up for the poverty or my feelings, thoughts and words. I wish you only the best!  - epictetus

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Someone once said that God's phone number appears in the Bible, well it is actually a verse that says:  "Call to Me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things, which you do not know." That is from the Book of Jeremiah 33:3.  I don't know if you have read any of the Narnia series of books written by CS Lewis, he once said, " God whispers to us in our pleasures...but shouts [to us] in our pain."   God maybe trying to get your attention.  Why? Because through His Son Jesus, we can have a Peace that surpasses understanding; and

so that you will be filled with joy. Yes, your joy will overflow!

When I focused on my hurt, when I focused on my pain, it did one thing- it became intensified, it was exacerbated.  I called out to God, as I learned His Word, He blessed me by giving me that joy and peace in my life which was missing.  Instead of focusing on those thoughts which bring me down, I focus on this powerful verse: “Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.” Focusing, giving my attention to those things, I daily receive His joy and His peace.  Someone once wrote ‘when you have tried everything and nothing works, just look up.’


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