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      Donate Now   11/12/2017

        Give the gift that will keep on giving. Donate Now  Thank you and have a healthy, joyful and peaceful holiday season.   Lindsay Reday Forum Administrator, Founder LGJ Managing Director, Owner LioninWinters Administrative Technician 
                         
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Ekkix

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3 posts in this topic

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Hello, i'm new here and to be honest i only made this account so that i can talk about this specific issue that i have. I am not sure if i have come to the right place to talk about this, but i dont know what to do and i feel that i need to talk to someone about it.

I am a 30 y/o gay man living in the UK with my parents as i am studying full time at college and working part time. About a year ago i met someone who i've been seeing on and off. He is 23 and is living on his own in a one bedroom flat. I am going to refer to him as daniel. When i first met daniel he seemed like a really nice guy, but as i have gotten to know him more there are some things about him that at first didn't bother me much but lately have become a bit worrying.

We have spent alot of our time together watching movies and the occasional dinner at his place. As i have gotten to know him he has told me that when he was younger he got sectioned, but he didnt say why and i was affraid to ask him about it in any more detail. He has scars on his forearms from where he used to cut himself and he is on some sort of medication which he has refered to as mood stabilizers. I have heard him whispering to himself in bed when he thought i was sleeping, but i couldn't make out what he was saying. All i can say is that it sounded like a conversation. He is dyslexic and seems to have alot of difficulty concentrating, because of this he has had difficulty with learning though i'm not sure how much, but it seems like he struggles alot.

Recently he has told me that he loves me and while i do have feelings for him i havent fallen in love with him, but i do feel alot of pitty for him especially as of late because i've noticed his flat is starting look messy, he is struggling to get out of bed in the mornings and go to college, he has no money to buy himself food for the cupboards and fridge. I had to give him some money so he could do some shopping. And i see alot of sadness in his eyes, especially when its time for me to go to work or college. I just feel like he really doesn't like being on his own, he is having a hard time and that he is beginning to slip, because of all of the above reasons i refrain from falling for him as i do not have the time or financial stability of my own to really help him out and i do not wish to continue our relationship.

My problem is that i really don't want to break his heart because i fear what that might do to him especially now. I worry about him, i've cried about this and i don't know what to do.

 

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Posted · Report post  

He does have family, his mother and father don't live too far away and he has a sister too, but from what i understand his parents are no longer living together. I not sure what his relationship is like with them as from what i have come to understand he may have been very difficult, but he does talk to them. His father invited him around for dinner the other night, but he didnt go for some reason.

I've never met his family and i dont think they know about me, but i think you are right. i'm just gunna have to find a way to get a hold of them and talk to them about it.

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Posted · Report post  

Ok, i'de just like to make an update for this and to request some advice.

During the time after this post to now i have spent a bit more time with daniel and have made some discoveries which have now got me even more concerned, however at this point there is not much more i can do help him and infact i think he needs some help and perhaps some sort of intervention.

He is currently taking Quetiapine and Convulex pills which is used to treat bipolar, schizophrenia and epilepsy problems and on top of that he told me that he is about 3k in debt with his bank. The other day he bought a new xbox s 500gb and furniture and is talking about buying a new TV all on finance. I don't believe he has the means to pay for it all on top of his debt as he is not working and is only getting £240 a month which should be used to feed himself and pay his utilities while he finds a job.

I have adviced him that he shouldn't be buying these things he doesn't need and that he should keep what little money he does get to pay for the things he does need and to pay his debt to the bank and find a job so he can earn more money. I reached out to his sister this afternoon, who should have a better understanding of his circumstances, but i havent had a reply yet. This is the most i can do for him in this situation and at this point i need to step back.

I am concerned because he seems to be burrying his head in the sand and smoking garden shrub which i dont think is good for his mental health. Any advice on what to do next or what i should do if i am unable to contact his family would be really appreciated as i have no experience in these matters and i am not quite sure what is happening with him.

Thank you.

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