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What to do?


w00t

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This is going to be very scattered because I’m pretty absent minded but I feel like I’m a bit out of options so I’m kind of on my last leg here. To start, I feel so down most of the time, and it’s been affecting my life more and more. It started at a pretty young age I think (14), now I’m 17 and it’s only gotten worse. I feel hopeless, even though I could see myself pursuing a decent future I just have no interest? I have a pretty nice life too, I’m pretty sure my family loves me and it makes me feel so guilty for being upset. I feel guilty about so many things that don’t make sense but I can’t control it. I feel guilty whenever I get angry or irritable, so I just keep my distance because I’m probably just a burden anyway. I want to die but I’d hate to do that to my family. I feel hated amongst my friends and get so paranoid around them. I don’t do anything with them anymore. I’m terrible at socializing and always overthink and isolate myself because I feel insecure. I’ve turned to substances to feel better, but I always end up crying profusely or just feeling guilty. I’ve currently turned to cutting, even though it still makes me feel horrible I feel like I deserve it. I’ve tried talking to guidance counselors but I just feel like a whiny privileged problem child. Whenever I try to talk about it to my parents I’m accused of wanting attention or being too emotional. It makes me feel awful for feeling bad and I just want to end it all. I’m currently taking St. John’s Wort (day and night), samE (day), and melatonin (night) to help myself and they seem to work better for nervousness than sad feelings. I’ve convinced myself to hate everything and I know it just me. My dad struggles with emotional intensity too (according to my mom) but he has been holding it in so long that it’s almost like he’s forgotten about them, making him kind of robotic…Please help, I don’t know what to do, I want to be normal.

Edited by w00t
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I just read your post, w00t, and want to welcome you to the Forums.  Nice to meet you.

Let me say how sorry I am that you are suffering!  

Depression is an illness that doesn't discriminate when it strikes.  It strikes people of every nationality, culture, social strata and walk of life.  It is a horrible, cruel and brutal illness.  You have every right to be able to feel some peace of mind and joy of life as anyone else on the earth.  

Even without really knowing you, I know that in your 17 years on earth you have done thousands upon thousands of good things:  thousands upon thousands of strong and brave things, thousands upon thousands of wise and beautiful and nice things.  Depression may conceal those from you or cause you to discount them [that is what depression does] but they all happened and they all sprung from the core of your being.  Every single person on the earth has weaknesses and falls sometimes, but those are rare in comparison with the good.  Please consider this analogy . . .

A person's life is similar to walking.  One takes many, many steps.  One takes hundreds and thousands and thousands upon thousands of steps in life.  The vast majority of those are successful.  It isn't that a person falls down most of the time and rarely is able to walk.  The opposite is the case.  The little and big acts of strength and bravery you have made in your life, the little and big acts of intelligence and beauty and goodness vastly overwhelm anything negative.  A person like a parent, a relative, a friend could "appreciate" that about you and could treasure you as a person.  But often people are stuck in such negativity that they cannot appreciate things like that.  It is not necessarily malice that prevents people from appreciating the good in you.  Sometimes it is ignorance or other problems that blind them.

I believe you will be appreciated here on the Forums.  '

Another characteristic of depression is that it magnifies negative things.  A basically good human being might make a mistake, even a big mistake and depression makes it seem like the worst thing in the world.  Sometimes it can help to introduce some perspective into thinking when depressed.  For example in the last 100 years a couple of men, a couple of world leaders caused the deaths of tens of millions of human beings in concentration camps and through forced starvation and genocide.  Please consider that carefully:  acts which resulted in the deaths of tens of millions of men, women and children.  Now consider any weaknesses you might have or any mistakes you may have made.  Have you done anything in your 17 years that has caused the deaths of tens of millions of human beings?  Of course not.  Any weaknesses or mistakes you have made are far, far, far, far, far, far, far away from anything like that.

Have you ever consulted with a physician about your depressed mood?  I know you are taking some natural products.    But sometimes when things are not helping it can help to speak to a physician.  Different things work for different people.  Depressed mood can be idiosyncratic.  You deserve better than to be suffering and in mental anguish.

Although none of us here on the Forums are doctors or medical professionals, we are all fellow sufferers of depression or other illnesses.  Hopefully here you will find the compassion and understanding, the encouragement and consolation you are not finding elsewhere.  That is why we are here . . . to try to help each other.  

I do not think you are too emotional or are just wanting attention.  You are a human being who is in anguish.  Those not stricken with depressed mood might not be able to appreciate how awful that is, but I certainly do.  I respect you.  I consider it an honor and privilege to know you.  Hopefully you will make many friends here on the Forums.  

It is difficult sometimes to know what to say to someone.  I don't know if my words have helped or not.  If they have not helped, please allow me to substitute my best wishes in place of my unhelpful words.  Hopefully someone here will have something useful to say to you.  You deserve a good life.  Once again, I want to welcome you to the Forums.  I look forward to reading anything you post here.  All good things to you!  - epictetus

 

 

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Thank you for spending some time to read and reply to my little ramble :) Your response gives me hope and makes me feel less like an alien. I have actually wanted to talk to my parents about seeing a doctor for years but whenever I try to allude depression I either get a response like “get over it”, “what do you have to feel upset over” or “you’re just a little crazy”. So I don’t feel comfortable at all with talking to them about it, because I know that I will just be mocked.

But thank you for the warm welcome! I hope that I will be able to form some relationships here too :)

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17 hours ago, Epictetus said:

I just read your post, w00t, and want to welcome you to the Forums.  Nice to meet you.

Let me say how sorry I am that you are suffering!  

Depression is an illness that doesn't discriminate when it strikes.  It strikes people of every nationality, culture, social strata and walk of life.  It is a horrible, cruel and brutal illness.  You have every right to be able to feel some peace of mind and joy of life as anyone else on the earth.  

Even without really knowing you, I know that in your 17 years on earth you have done thousands upon thousands of good things:  thousands upon thousands of strong and brave things, thousands upon thousands of wise and beautiful and nice things.  Depression may conceal those from you or cause you to discount them [that is what depression does] but they all happened and they all sprung from the core of your being.  Every single person on the earth has weaknesses and falls sometimes, but those are rare in comparison with the good.  Please consider this analogy . . .

A person's life is similar to walking.  One takes many, many steps.  One takes hundreds and thousands and thousands upon thousands of steps in life.  The vast majority of those are successful.  It isn't that a person falls down most of the time and rarely is able to walk.  The opposite is the case.  The little and big acts of strength and bravery you have made in your life, the little and big acts of intelligence and beauty and goodness vastly overwhelm anything negative.  A person like a parent, a relative, a friend could "appreciate" that about you and could treasure you as a person.  But often people are stuck in such negativity that they cannot appreciate things like that.  It is not necessarily malice that prevents people from appreciating the good in you.  Sometimes it is ignorance or other problems that blind them.

I believe you will be appreciated here on the Forums.  '

Another characteristic of depression is that it magnifies negative things.  A basically good human being might make a mistake, even a big mistake and depression makes it seem like the worst thing in the world.  Sometimes it can help to introduce some perspective into thinking when depressed.  For example in the last 100 years a couple of men, a couple of world leaders caused the deaths of tens of millions of human beings in concentration camps and through forced starvation and genocide.  Please consider that carefully:  acts which resulted in the deaths of tens of millions of men, women and children.  Now consider any weaknesses you might have or any mistakes you may have made.  Have you done anything in your 17 years that has caused the deaths of tens of millions of human beings?  Of course not.  Any weaknesses or mistakes you have made are far, far, far, far, far, far, far away from anything like that.

Have you ever consulted with a physician about your depressed mood?  I know you are taking some natural products.    But sometimes when things are not helping it can help to speak to a physician.  Different things work for different people.  Depressed mood can be idiosyncratic.  You deserve better than to be suffering and in mental anguish.

Although none of us here on the Forums are doctors or medical professionals, we are all fellow sufferers of depression or other illnesses.  Hopefully here you will find the compassion and understanding, the encouragement and consolation you are not finding elsewhere.  That is why we are here . . . to try to help each other.  

I do not think you are too emotional or are just wanting attention.  You are a human being who is in anguish.  Those not stricken with depressed mood might not be able to appreciate how awful that is, but I certainly do.  I respect you.  I consider it an honor and privilege to know you.  Hopefully you will make many friends here on the Forums.  

It is difficult sometimes to know what to say to someone.  I don't know if my words have helped or not.  If they have not helped, please allow me to substitute my best wishes in place of my unhelpful words.  Hopefully someone here will have something useful to say to you.  You deserve a good life.  Once again, I want to welcome you to the Forums.  I look forward to reading anything you post here.  All good things to you!  - epictetus

 

 

Sorry I know I look so silly, I’ve never been part of a forum before so I’m not sure how replying works!

Thank you for spending some time to read and reply to my little ramble :) Your response gives me hope and makes me feel less like an alien. I have actually wanted to talk to my parents about seeing a doctor for years but whenever I try to allude depression I either get a response like “get over it”, “what do you have to feel upset over” or “you’re just a little crazy”. So I don’t feel comfortable at all with talking to them about it, because I know that I will just be mocked.

But thank you for the warm welcome! I hope that I will be able to form some relationships here too :)

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Hi w00t,

How great you are to be able too share your intense feelings with others here, it does show your compassion. Be loving to yourself and keep your understandings which demonstrate your self empathy

Forgive people who don/t  understand how you feel as most of  us here have been there I certainly have..Be as relaxed as you can possibly be and I know this is difficult.  Focus on your greatness even if you don.t see it or feel it , we are all great deep inside as it was built into us like all the other virtues that gets buried over time and in depression. 

Love yourself always as you can depend on yourself

Dad123

Edited by dad123
correct mistakes
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