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Being called names online has made me into a depressed monster. I need help and advice.


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Almost two years an app called Canid. It was meant to allow people to speak their minds with little to no interruptions and regulations from the AI or Bot that ran the program. While I was in the app, I found myself seeing girls, very average to pretty girls (all white, I will tell you why that is important later,) posting pics of themselves. A lot of the unknown users on that app will say they were pretty or they were this or they were that and some of them were actually really pretty but a lot of them were average looking women, subjectively. I would hardly see black women posting their pics so I thought I would break the tide and crash in with my picture. The picture I used was the picture of me graduating. Granted, I looked trash but I was not expecting people to say I was hideous. I was always told by my parents that I was pretty. I now know they are blind because I am their kid. Parents never mean that objectively. However, that took to be my surprise and I soon developed this habit that I would post face pics of myself and see if people really thought I was ugly. Let me remind you, I was the only black girl doing that. Each time I posted, I would get an onslaught of people calling my face grotesque. I had always had suspicions that the reason I could not find a boyfriend and I still can't is because I am ugly but I never thought grotesque. It soon got so bad that I would post every day just to get my feelings hurt, during this time, I developed this obsession with looking good. I am poor enough that I can't afford makeup an I don't like it, but I would work hard to take the right picture that would capture the right rate of beauty my parents always said I had. But nothing worked. I later realized that a lot of the people were told that my nose was too big and my hair was too his or my skin color was too that. Not all but a lot. It didn't help the guys I wasn't attracted to found me attractive. 

That's how it started and more and more I find that guys call me ugly all the time online and I don't know what to do. It has become an obsession of sorts, where if I see someone calling me ugly, I would just break down and all the confidence I had tried to build up is useless. I mention the girls were all white because they look at my African features, like the kinky hair and broad nose and say that I am ugly because of that. I don't think am so ugly that I don't think I could find love, but I not so pretty that I can find it. I am just so tired of being alone and depressed and I can't afford to get the help I need. I am hoping you people can help me. 

BTW, That's me in the pic. 

 

 

 

*pics removed*

Edited by Natasha1
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Hi There,

Remember you are unique and there is only one like you so you are special.  Bullying and name calling online in such sites is a real problem for many people. Please do not judge yourself by ignorant comments and statements as these people are not worth knowing. They have nothing in their life to make them happy so they take delight in hurting other peoples feelings.

You are beautiful in many ways and you have a good heart. We need people who build up other peoples confidence, esteem and give them positive regard. Cancel your account on that awful site and contribute on here instead.  Your opinion of yourself is very important so list your achievements and personal skills and forget those shallow minded people by closing that account online.

 

Dad123 

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8 hours ago, ProbablyNeedaTherapist said:

I had always had suspicions that the reason I could not find a boyfriend and I still can't is because I am ugly but I never thought grotesque. It soon got so bad that I would post every day just to get my feelings hurt, during this time, I developed this obsession with looking good. I am poor enough that I can't afford makeup an I don't like it, but I would work hard to take the right picture that would capture the right rate of beauty my parents always said I had. But nothing worked. I later realized that a lot of the people were told that my nose was too big and my hair was too his or my skin color was too that. Not all but a lot. It didn't help the guys I wasn't attracted to found me attractive. 

I saw the pictures before they were removed and you're not ugly at all, I'd say you're average looking which isn't a bad thing. Sure, it will limit the choices you have in men but at least you'll know that if you find one he'll like you for who you are, not just your looks. When a woman looks like a model guys will tell her whatever she wants to hear when all most really want is to get into bed with her so it comes with its own set of problems. I can understand that it's hard though, I myself am below average looking and struggle with it because I see how much more positive attention attractive people get. As a woman there's even more pressure to have perfect looks so your pain is understandable. 

What kind of guys are you attracted to? If you're going for the super tall well-built ones then yeah, it'll be an uphill battle. 

8 hours ago, ProbablyNeedaTherapist said:

That's how it started and more and more I find that guys call me ugly all the time online and I don't know what to do. It has become an obsession of sorts, where if I see someone calling me ugly, I would just break down and all the confidence I had tried to build up is useless. I mention the girls were all white because they look at my African features, like the kinky hair and broad nose and say that I am ugly because of that. I don't think am so ugly that I don't think I could find love, but I not so pretty that I can find it. I am just so tired of being alone and depressed and I can't afford to get the help I need. 

You really shouldn't listen to people online, they will say things just to hurt you and using looks and race are just the easiest things to pick on, doesn't take much creativity. Your African features are perfectly OK, most guys I know would have no problem dating a black woman. Nothing wrong with your nose either. The only advice I would give you is to use some concealer to cover the acne marks on your cheeks and let your hair grow out since long hair is deemed more feminine and attractive by most people. Most potential partners do judge the book by its cover at least initially so improving those things should give you more options. 

Most important of all is that you learn to accept yourself and your body, when you're feeling insecure people pick up on that and it creates a self-fulfilling prophecy. The majority of people out there are average looking so you shouldn't feel inferior in any way. Don't waste time comparing yourself to the likes of Tyra Banks or Beyoncé, you'll just end up feeling miserable for no good reason. 

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On 12/8/2017 at 1:18 AM, ProbablyNeedaTherapist said:
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Almost two years an app called Canid. It was meant to allow people to speak their minds with little to no interruptions and regulations from the AI or Bot that ran the program. While I was in the app, I found myself seeing girls, very average to pretty girls (all white, I will tell you why that is important later,) posting pics of themselves. A lot of the unknown users on that app will say they were pretty or they were this or they were that and some of them were actually really pretty but a lot of them were average looking women, subjectively. I would hardly see black women posting their pics so I thought I would break the tide and crash in with my picture. The picture I used was the picture of me graduating. Granted, I looked trash but I was not expecting people to say I was hideous. I was always told by my parents that I was pretty. I now know they are blind because I am their kid. Parents never mean that objectively. However, that took to be my surprise and I soon developed this habit that I would post face pics of myself and see if people really thought I was ugly. Let me remind you, I was the only black girl doing that. Each time I posted, I would get an onslaught of people calling my face grotesque. I had always had suspicions that the reason I could not find a boyfriend and I still can't is because I am ugly but I never thought grotesque. It soon got so bad that I would post every day just to get my feelings hurt, during this time, I developed this obsession with looking good. I am poor enough that I can't afford makeup an I don't like it, but I would work hard to take the right picture that would capture the right rate of beauty my parents always said I had. But nothing worked. I later realized that a lot of the people were told that my nose was too big and my hair was too his or my skin color was too that. Not all but a lot. It didn't help the guys I wasn't attracted to found me attractive. 

That's how it started and more and more I find that guys call me ugly all the time online and I don't know what to do. It has become an obsession of sorts, where if I see someone calling me ugly, I would just break down and all the confidence I had tried to build up is useless. I mention the girls were all white because they look at my African features, like the kinky hair and broad nose and say that I am ugly because of that. I don't think am so ugly that I don't think I could find love, but I not so pretty that I can find it. I am just so tired of being alone and depressed and I can't afford to get the help I need. I am hoping you people can help me. 

BTW, That's me in the pic. 

 

 

 

*pics removed*

Are you in the south? If so, this isn't because of you...it's them. I will go ahead and say a terribly offensive thing right now and that is in my experience that southern white males can be hurtful. People wanna act like girls are bad bullies, no-there are more sympathetic women than there are men in my opinion and I know I'm being sexist when I say that ,but as someone who has been bullied by both genders I definitely say men are by far worse. It's easier finding a real nice girl than a nice guy. The internet and the people who hide behind their screens to bully are the same kind who call overweight women landwhales, and make jokes about black people. For some reason fat women and black people are seen as "okay targets" for these guys. They feel safe because no one can break their nose from the internet. It's usually these super insecure males too that do this. I've experienced this myself.  It's not you. I highly doubt you are ugly. Don't let a bunch of racists define you. 

 

To the men reading this-I apologize for my sexism, but I have been treated terribly by your gender so it's hard for me to not think girls are more sympathetic. I am aware there are decent men out there, but I've not encountered many so I tend to be a tad biased.

Edited by 20YearsandCounting
remove insulting comment about race of people and comment about racist sexist president
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23 minutes ago, Chubbybunny89 said:

Are you in the south? If so, this isn't because of you...it's them. I will go ahead and say a terribly offensive thing right now and that is in my experience that southern white males can be some of the worst people on earth. People wanna act like girls are bad bullies, no-there are more sympathetic women than there are men in my opinion and I know I'm being sexist when I say that ,but as someone who has been bullied by both genders I definitely say men are by far worse. It's easier finding a real nice girl than a nice guy. The internet and the people who hide behind their screens to bully are the same kind who call overweight women landwhales, and make jokes about black people. For some reason fat women and black people are seen as "okay targets" for these guys. They feel safe because no one can break their nose from the internet. It's usually these super insecure males too that do this. I've experienced this myself. Remember we are living in a time where a sexist racist is president-and people are happy about it. Let that sink in. It's not you. I highly doubt you are ugly. Don't let a bunch of racists define you. 

 

To the men reading this-I apologize for my sexism, but I have been treated terribly by your gender so it's hard for me to not think girls are more sympathetic. I am aware there are decent men out there, but I've not encountered many so I tend to be a tad biased.

I live under the Mason Dixon line, but  spoke to people from all over the world

 

 

 

Edited by Natasha1
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Hi'

I'm sorry for all the heart break that you are experiencing right now. Cyber bullying  is one of the most damaging things to a person these days. Do you have any family and or friends who are supportive of you and are willing to hep you out? Do you go to church or have a nearby church that you can get involved in? Getting out and getting involved in the community somehow is a great way to give back and to help others like you, in the process it is also helping you heal too! Do you have any hobbies or things that you like to do beside the computer or or texting? I know it is hard to find a good friend. Sometimes, to have a friend, you have to step outside of your comfort zone and be a friend to someone else first.  Find a way to be a positive influence in another persons life can be very healing for yourself. 

Edited by JkBrauer
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12 hours ago, ProbablyNeedaTherapist said:
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Almost two years an app called Canid. It was meant to allow people to speak their minds with little to no interruptions and regulations from the AI or Bot that ran the program. While I was in the app, I found myself seeing girls, very average to pretty girls (all white, I will tell you why that is important later,) posting pics of themselves. A lot of the unknown users on that app will say they were pretty or they were this or they were that and some of them were actually really pretty but a lot of them were average looking women, subjectively. I would hardly see black women posting their pics so I thought I would break the tide and crash in with my picture. The picture I used was the picture of me graduating. Granted, I looked trash but I was not expecting people to say I was hideous. I was always told by my parents that I was pretty. I now know they are blind because I am their kid. Parents never mean that objectively. However, that took to be my surprise and I soon developed this habit that I would post face pics of myself and see if people really thought I was ugly. Let me remind you, I was the only black girl doing that. Each time I posted, I would get an onslaught of people calling my face grotesque. I had always had suspicions that the reason I could not find a boyfriend and I still can't is because I am ugly but I never thought grotesque. It soon got so bad that I would post every day just to get my feelings hurt, during this time, I developed this obsession with looking good. I am poor enough that I can't afford makeup an I don't like it, but I would work hard to take the right picture that would capture the right rate of beauty my parents always said I had. But nothing worked. I later realized that a lot of the people were told that my nose was too big and my hair was too his or my skin color was too that. Not all but a lot. It didn't help the guys I wasn't attracted to found me attractive. 

That's how it started and more and more I find that guys call me ugly all the time online and I don't know what to do. It has become an obsession of sorts, where if I see someone calling me ugly, I would just break down and all the confidence I had tried to build up is useless. I mention the girls were all white because they look at my African features, like the kinky hair and broad nose and say that I am ugly because of that. I don't think am so ugly that I don't think I could find love, but I not so pretty that I can find it. I am just so tired of being alone and depressed and I can't afford to get the help I need. I am hoping you people can help me. 

BTW, That's me in the pic. 

 

 

 

*pics removed*

Honey going online for anyone, white or black, the Internet is a treacherous place.  You've got to stop posting your picture.  Because even if ten men said you're beautiful you will get fixated (humans do this) on the two or three who say you aren't beautiful.  Somehow, somewhere, probably going back hundreds of years ago (check history books) US society determined who is pretty and who isn't.  Recently a US study was done on black women's hair and white women were ask to comment on it and they said that natural women's black hair looked "unkempt."  

That right there is a clue.  And American society is never going to change it's mind on what it deems beautiful, and ugly.  YOU have to build that up inside of you.  You cannot count on the Internet to care about your feelings or make you feel or believe you are beautiful.  Particularly if you are in the US (calm down ppl), in this country women of color aren't picked first for looks and aren't considered the pretty girls.  Hair, nose, lips, back side, women of color are picked apart, it's a fact and the only way to overcome these negative opinions is to build up inside of you YOUR truth.

What you believe about yourself.  Your parents did not lie.  In their eyes you are beautiful.  Believe them!  And if your self-esteem is taking a hit, speak to a therapist about this.  You deserve to feel good about yourself, you deserve to feel worthy but you will never find your worth from strangers on the Internet.  I wish you peace, and happiness.  Take care :)

PS - yes you did mention you communicated worldwide...?  Keep in mind the media also determines who is deemed pretty and not pretty.  In college I had a class on "media and its effects and perceptions"...  

Edited by HeatherG
accurate info
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