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GAJ123

What do I have to do to get people to treat me more seriously?

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This isn't one of my typical being p***** off about not having a g/f thread but more so about the relationships in general that I have with others. I just notice a pattern that people for whatever reason just don't take me seriously. I just always feel like no one actually cares about being my friend or anything at all. For instance my friend is getting engaged to get married in March of 2019 yet I didn't even hear from him about it yet he told a bunch of others. Or my other friend had to get surgery a week or two ago & I found out from someone else about it & texted him asking how he was but literally got no response back. My cousin doesn't even ask for my number yet she has my brother's cell & talks to him & his g/f & even went out with them a few weeks ago. Yet she never asks for my number & I was going to ask when I last saw her but I was just thinking like screw it, if she actually wanted to talk to me she would ask for my number. It's just a joke. It makes me feel like that people don't view me in high regard, even my own family members. It seriously pi**es me off beyond belief. What do I have to seriously do to get people to treat me better? Do I need to look more intimidating or something since I'm thin currently & short? Do I need to gain like 40 pounds of muscle or some s***t for people to notice me & want to talk to me? I'm planning on going back to the gym to get into better shape where I really need to stick with it since I keep slacking off. Is it something so shallow like that that I have to do to get people to want to talk to me or be around me? I feel the only place ironically where people talk to me & seem to like me is at my job, where I hate being the most. I just don't get this. Also, I feel my other friend might screw me over soon again since he was mentioning us going on a trip to California in February about 2 months ago yet I haven't heard from him about it since. But it wouldn't surprise me if he already made plans with someone else about it & than will just say "we'll go next time". He's done that to me already in the past & I stopped talking to him for about a year until we connected again. I just need serious suggestions on what I have to do for people to actually take me more seriously. Since it seems being introverted as well as being thin & short is affecting how people view me. It's like if I do make new friends or something I'll always be feeling like they have some sort of agenda or something due to how I notice how people treat me. It's probably part of why I'm always paranoid about the women situation & feeling like I'm always going to get screwed over. If I got a great job for instance & a woman wanted to go out with me it's like I'll feel like they have a hidden agenda towards me. People just always treat me like I'm a nobody. 

Edited by GAJ123

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1 hour ago, Teddy545 said:

People treat me like this too, I think it's because of depression.  It's especially bad if the people know I have depression.  Do the people at your work know you have depression?

Nope they don't. The only one who knows for sure is my Mom. I don't know if even my Dad really knows.  I think he does but he never really thinks about me having it I guess is the best way to put it. So it can't be depression for why people treat me the way I do. Something is turning them off that's for sure. All I can think of is that I'm short & thin currently & just am not an extroverted person. I don't treat anyone bad or anything so it can't be the way I treat them. It's just for whatever reason they just aren't drawn to me as a person since I'm not outgoing. I really do believe my height has something to do with not being taken seriously though. All throughout my life I've always been one of the shortest a lot of the time so I feel people don't respect me as much. I've been taken advantage of a lot since no one views a short guy as tough especially if he's not in shape.

Edited by GAJ123

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Hi, I've read a few of your posts, and some of your points align with issues that I have faced.

I think that your statement " I feel the only place ironically where people talk to me & seem to like me is at my job, where I hate being the most. " is something to reflect on.

It doesn't mean that being where you hate equals to getting positive attention, but more likely has to do with you staying focused on the tasks in front of you.

Again, your frustrations are similar to ones I've faced and the "solution" always tends to be focusing on staying productive and focused on things that I enjoy and make me happy (which also includes accomplishments in some way).

When I posted a thread about wishing I had a relationship with a girl, someone replied to me saying to stay focused on myself, so when I do meet a girl I have the best of myself to offer.

Basically the best advice I can give is to follow the things that make you happy and uplifted.

I know it sounds basic and maybe you've heard it before but filling your idle time on hobbies, watching your favorite programs,or something that gives you peace of mind will help turn the tide.
 

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16 hours ago, zzzsheepyzzz said:

Hi, I've read a few of your posts, and some of your points align with issues that I have faced.

I think that your statement " I feel the only place ironically where people talk to me & seem to like me is at my job, where I hate being the most. " is something to reflect on.

It doesn't mean that being where you hate equals to getting positive attention, but more likely has to do with you staying focused on the tasks in front of you.

Again, your frustrations are similar to ones I've faced and the "solution" always tends to be focusing on staying productive and focused on things that I enjoy and make me happy (which also includes accomplishments in some way).

When I posted a thread about wishing I had a relationship with a girl, someone replied to me saying to stay focused on myself, so when I do meet a girl I have the best of myself to offer.

Basically the best advice I can give is to follow the things that make you happy and uplifted.

I know it sounds basic and maybe you've heard it before but filling your idle time on hobbies, watching your favorite programs,or something that gives you peace of mind will help turn the tide.
 

I really don’t know. I just feel my height is a big detriment in how people view me. Today I was at the dentist again & the woman who was helping the dentist with my teeth even mentioned my height too because my feet didn’t pass the chair all the way. I’m about 5’7” with shoes on. She was nice & all but it just sucks that everyone always notices my height. I used to never think about my height in any way until I got older & it’s got me thinking that I seriously think people think less of me or don’t take me as seriously as if I was taller. I used to get picked on a lot in school & looking back it’s because they thought they could get away with it being that I was the short skinny kid. It just sucks that something I have no control over makes people think less of me & not take me seriously. Also, being quiet doesn’t help me. My Aunt & Grandma went to my job yesterday asking for me & I wasn’t working yesterday & supposedly the woman that helped them said I was a nice guy but I’m quiet but I talk to him. I just don’t know anymore. I just give off vibes that people don’t view me in a way outside of being the short quiet guy. I guess I can see why women aren’t interested since they want something different. I guess I have to weigh 180 pounds filled with muscle for anyone to think different of me & maybe treat me different. It’s really the only thing I can think of doing for where maybe people would notice my height less & see that I’m in great shape & maybe want to talk to me than being turned off by me. 

Edited by GAJ123

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1 hour ago, GAJ123 said:

I really don’t know. I just feel my height is a big detriment in how people view me. Today I was at the dentist again & the woman who was helping the dentist with my teeth even mentioned my height too because my feet didn’t pass the chair all the way. I’m about 5’7” with shoes on. She was nice & all but it just sucks that everyone always notices my height. I used to never think about my height in any way until I got older & it’s got me thinking that I seriously think people think less of me or don’t take me as seriously as if I was taller. I used to get picked on a lot in school & looking back it’s because they thought they could get away with it being that I was the short skinny kid. It just sucks that something I have no control over makes people think less of me & not take me seriously. Also, being quiet doesn’t help me. My Aunt & Grandma went to my job yesterday asking for me & I wasn’t working yesterday & supposedly the woman that helped them said I was a nice guy but I’m quiet but I talk to him. I just don’t know anymore. I just give off vibes that people don’t view me in a way outside of being the short quiet guy. I guess I can see why women aren’t interested since they want something different. I guess I have to weigh 180 pounds filled with muscle for anyone to think different of me & maybe treat me different. It’s really the only thing I can think of doing for where maybe people would notice my height less & see that I’m in great shape & maybe want to talk to me than being turned off by me. 

In highschool I felt that way about my height a lot.

I'm actually maybe a few inches shorter than you, but height and appearance is somewhat.. superficial.

I read a passage from a book the other day alluding to Ghandi. It said something like "Ghandi wouldn't look in the mirror, but would rather judge his appearance by his interactions with people and their responses to him."

I've seen tall people become embarrassed, and I've also seen tall people who are humble, gentle and quiet. I suppose you could say the same about shorter people who are more of a "firecracker" type of person.

Anyways, similar to me, the idea of a relationship with a girl occupies your mind quite a bit. It really comes down to attitude and I guess... confidence, but not necessarily in a superficial way either. The key thing in all of this isn't addressing the insecurities per say.. but occupying your mind with calming things, activities, and ideas. Once you aren't engaging in these "what ifs" or "how this person views me, or might view me" they are no longer issues.

 

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10 minutes ago, zzzsheepyzzz said:

In highschool I felt that way about my height a lot.

I'm actually maybe a few inches shorter than you, but height and appearance is somewhat.. superficial.

I read a passage from a book the other day alluding to Ghandi. It said something like "Ghandi wouldn't look in the mirror, but would rather judge his appearance by his interactions with people and their responses to him."

I've seen tall people become embarrassed, and I've also seen tall people who are humble, gentle and quiet. I suppose you could say the same about shorter people who are more of a "firecracker" type of person.

Anyways, similar to me, the idea of a relationship with a girl occupies your mind quite a bit. It really comes down to attitude and I guess... confidence, but not necessarily in a superficial way either. The key thing in all of this isn't addressing the insecurities per say.. but occupying your mind with calming things, activities, and ideas. Once you aren't engaging in these "what ifs" or "how this person views me, or might view me" they are no longer issues.

 

It's not even about just women it's how people in general seem to treat me not just potential romantic interests. It's just like in everyday life I just get this feeling no one takes me seriously & it just makes me angry. It's like I have to change my entire persona of some outgoing ***** cracking corny stupid unfunny jokes just to get people to want to talk to me. I genuinely just don't know. People say for me to just be myself but that obviously is getting me nowhere. I'm the one that's always left out of everything or people always have to mention my height or that I'm quiet or whatever else that I hate when people mention. It's just very degrading & you can't say anything since it's like if you do than you're labeled insecure so you just have to stand there & take it. I just get this sense that people don't particularly take a liking to me since I'm short & quiet. I just wish I can change into the outgoing guy so bad but I don't have it in me to do that since it's just not my personality. It would be so fake & I couldn't keep up that persona if I even wanted to. I envy those people sometimes since they just are naturally outgoing & can talk to anyone since those people usually always have the best social lives & have a lot of friends. As I said, I feel the only thing I can think of to maybe get people to notice & treat me better & more seriously is if I gain a lot of muscle. I want to do it for myself first & foremost of course since I want to be in better shape, but I just want people to take me more seriously instead of feeling like I'm a joke to people. 

Edited by GAJ123

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I think that working out and gaining muscle isn't a bad idea especially if you feel like it is a healthy choice and it will make you feel more confident. From experience I would just say not to overdo it for risk injury.

However, I don't think that alone is going to be the be all end all.

" since it's just not my personality. It would be so fake & I couldn't keep up that persona if I even wanted to. "

I think you have to keep this in mind. I've faced the exact same circumstances, and I know how isolating and even degrading it can feel. What do you do with your free time? You mentioned you are quiet and introverted so you must be engaging in things during that time that appeals to you in some way.

When it comes to what you are describing with people, and I can only really draw from my personal experience, I've found there are two things to keep in mind as far as choices go:
1) Do you genuinely enjoy being around these people, or doing things with them? I've found that friends and family I have spent time with growing up are actually sometimes a chore to be around nowadays especially if our personalities and interests have changed. I am still friends with them, and every once in awhile I talk to them or see them, but I am content with not being "intertwined" with them since there lacks mutual interest I guess you can say. I don't know, I can't claim to be perfect, and I often wonder if it is part of growing up. I have issues with loneliness for this reason, but at the same time I don't chase after social situations that don't genuinely appeal to me. It's an introvert's dilemma I guess.

2) Are you making an effort to appeal to the people you like, respect, or want to be around? From what you describe you definitely feel you are in a different state of mind than people around you (for whatever reason), but a lot of the time in order to be in tune with other social circles you do have to conform or appeal in some way. For example, I have faced times in my life where my friends went off to University and I did not, and felt frustration since I couldn't engage socially the way they were, but I had to face that what people engage in in terms of vocation, be it school, work, or hobbies/activities, will align them with people of similar goals.

In the end then, it comes down to asking yourself what your "vocational" goals are like? As in, do you want to go to school, work, get promotions, go traveling, become an expert at something?
It's backwards, but engaging in anything but chasing after social situations will likely lead to more genuine social situations (though I don't mean staying in your room playing video games when I say this). For whatever reason I've found fate play the same dubious trick on me.. that is as soon as I put emphasis on a social situation or relationship situation - it goes south (at least in my mind), and as soon as I don't care about it and engage in tasks like schoolwork, or errands I find myself in social situations.

I think it's pretty natural, especially with social pressures, to want to be liked or have positive attention and I'm pretty sure just about everyone has this inclination at some point in their life.
What do people who are liked or receive this kind of attention look like to you? Often times I look at my favourite actors, musicians/bands, or writers for examples.

I think it's a balance of doing things you genuinely like, and finding accomplishment and success in them. Any way where you *feel* like your going up in life. Saving money, practicing healthy habits, getting things done.

Anyways, these are just my thoughts, and I hope anything can help

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