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So fed up with being a jobless loser


Chubbybunny89

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Failed a stupid pre-quiz so didn't get this dumb work from home thing from Gaggle, then the recruiter who was supposed to call me today to do a phone interview emails and tells me that the job has been filled. I've been unable to get a real job since I graduated in 2015. It will be 2018 soon, I will be unemployable . Pizza Hut didn't even get back to me!

I can't drive so Uber is out of the question. I can't pay my loans or any of my bills. I'm done. I'm fed up. I am not suicidal because I am afraid to die. I have a weird complex where I obsess over what happens after death, I don't feel ready, I am scared etc... All my fears and anxieties and phobias are linked to either being alone, dying/nonexistance or suffering. 

I've been a loser my whole life. Extroverted ,but socially awkward and people always talk down to me or dislike me. I was bullied in school, had brief good time in college before my inner issues hit and destroyed everything. Got fired from the only job I got after college and it was part-time as well at a fishy place. I have never had a real full-time job. I've never been liked by my peers. I was always bad at sports and was that embarrassing fat girl who couldn't even do one chin-up. I clearly remember the entire class staring at me while I struggling to lift myself and wasn't able to do it. I got made fun of by boys for my looks all the time. I have always made bad grades. In college, I would skip class because being in a giant classroom gave me bad anxiety. I once showed up and there was a test that day. I had no clue. I had to take "medical withdrawals" multiple times for my depression. I would try stupid things like doing a YouTuber channel, or trying to make a Zazzle store. Everything I've touched has failed. I just want to be normal. I want to be a normal pretty girl who has a normal job and can afford to live. I want to not have anxiety attacks, and not be weird. I want a group of loyal girlfriends who won't leave me. I want to feel capable and competent. Even my boyfriend doubts I could be competent. I have no guidance, I'm almost 30, no health insurance, no money, having health problems. Forget getting mental help only the rich can afford that. If it were not for my boyfriend letting me live here and paying for , I would be homeless. I would be on the streets. I've lost three best friends these past two years. One was a stable successful nurse driving an expensive car. She probably was tired of my loser ass. It is only time before my boyfriend does that same. I'm fed up. Fed up. I've done everything, sent resume to temp agencies, etc...

 

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1 hour ago, Chubbybunny89 said:

I just want to be normal. I want to be a normal pretty girl who has a normal job and can afford to live. I want to not have anxiety attacks, and not be weird. I want a group of loyal girlfriends who won't leave me. I want to feel capable and competent.

Amen to that, it's sad how simple things like that can seem so far beyond our reach. 

1 hour ago, Chubbybunny89 said:

I would try stupid things like doing a YouTuber channel, or trying to make a Zazzle store.

Don't worry about that, everybody plays with those ideas and virtually everybody fails. Came across an article some time ago that said only about 0.3% of YouTubers make more than minimum wage with it. Once you're talking about someone able to live comfortably you're probably talking one out of a few thousand people, that's pretty much as competitive as being a movie star used to be, it just seems easier because we see so many people who don't see that much more talented than us make a living that way. Takes a good portion of luck and likability is important too, if people don't respond well to you in real life then they probably won't online either. Doesn't make you a loser though!

Have you tried improving your resume? 90% of them suck and it can make a world of difference when you have a really good one that's tailored to whatever position you're applying to. Listing your degree for example could look bad to Pizza Hut, if I were a manager there I wouldn't hire you. Not because I didn't think you could do the job but because I'd feel like it's just an in-between-job and I don't want to train you just to see you walk out the door 2 months later. 

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You will get a job just don't give up and try to improve yourself a little each day anyone who has been successful just has a higher tolerance for failure I have sent well over 1000 applications gone over 25 interviews and just got rejected again this week but I will not give up even if I new failure was guaranteed I would fight for where I wanted to be in life till I die . I failed my driving test 8 times well beyond anyone I know i was 22 when I finally got it. i got put on academic probation when I was younger and told myself I was to stupid to get my degree I eventually got it I retook organic chemistry 3 times but I got my bachelors despite what I told myself . To hell with what everyone thinks, just pursue what you want we all end up in the same place it doesn't matter what you achieve its that you accept the journey and can enjoy the path that life takes you, go outside enjoy the trees, notice the different flowers, the clouds the animals, the wind, and the sun.  Do things and don't worry about the outcome people who worry about being successful are robbing themselves of joy.

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On 12/5/2017 at 1:33 PM, lonelyforeigner said:

Amen to that, it's sad how simple things like that can seem so far beyond our reach. 

Don't worry about that, everybody plays with those ideas and virtually everybody fails. Came across an article some time ago that said only about 0.3% of YouTubers make more than minimum wage with it. Once you're talking about someone able to live comfortably you're probably talking one out of a few thousand people, that's pretty much as competitive as being a movie star used to be, it just seems easier because we see so many people who don't see that much more talented than us make a living that way. Takes a good portion of luck and likability is important too, if people don't respond well to you in real life then they probably won't online either. Doesn't make you a loser though!

 

On 12/5/2017 at 1:33 PM, lonelyforeigner said:

Amen to that, it's sad how simple things like that can seem so far beyond our reach. 

Don't worry about that, everybody plays with those ideas and virtually everybody fails. Came across an article some time ago that said only about 0.3% of YouTubers make more than minimum wage with it. Once you're talking about someone able to live comfortably you're probably talking one out of a few thousand people, that's pretty much as competitive as being a movie star used to be, it just seems easier because we see so many people who don't see that much more talented than us make a living that way. Takes a good portion of luck and likability is important too, if people don't respond well to you in real life then they probably won't online either. Doesn't make you a loser though!

Have you tried improving your resume? 90% of them suck and it can make a world of difference when you have a really good one that's tailored to whatever position you're applying to. Listing your degree for example could look bad to Pizza Hut, if I were a manager there I wouldn't hire you. Not because I didn't think you could do the job but because I'd feel like it's just an in-between-job and I don't want to train you just to see you walk out the door 2 months later. 

True.. there are multiple reasons I didn't do well on YouTube, most notably being camera quality, not knowing how to edit, and I'm pretty sure my appearance had a lot to do with it (to quote someone who replied to a comment I made one "I think you're ugly ...****ing fat")

You're right about the likeability in person thing. That's one thing I think hinders me when I get an interview. I could go on for hours of examples how people don't like me(bullying, being excluded, laughed at). Really I'm the only common denominator so has to be me. I'm the kind of person who is so weird and lacking in social skills that I would be best suited as an extreme introvert. But I'm actually extroverted so I put myself out there and end up a target. That's why I need and desire to change myself so bad. I am tired of the same pattern. 

On 12/5/2017 at 10:21 PM, scienceguy said:

You will get a job just don't give up and try to improve yourself a little each day anyone who has been successful just has a higher tolerance for failure I have sent well over 1000 applications gone over 25 interviews and just got rejected again this week but I will not give up even if I new failure was guaranteed I would fight for where I wanted to be in life till I die . I failed my driving test 8 times well beyond anyone I know i was 22 when I finally got it. i got put on academic probation when I was younger and told myself I was to stupid to get my degree I eventually got it I retook organic chemistry 3 times but I got my bachelors despite what I told myself . To hell with what everyone thinks, just pursue what you want we all end up in the same place it doesn't matter what you achieve its that you accept the journey and can enjoy the path that life takes you, go outside enjoy the trees, notice the different flowers, the clouds the animals, the wind, and the sun.  Do things and don't worry about the outcome people who worry about being successful are robbing themselves of joy.

I really wish I knew someone like you in real life. Granted none of my friends have science degrees except for the one in pharmacy school so it's really hard to compare with everyone I know that gets jobs easily. I even lost a friend I suspect because she got tired of me. Either that or because she doesn't like my boyfriend, but we used to be really close. Funny how money and success can tear people apart.

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Hi Chubbybunny89,

I see parallels of myself in what you described. Try to hang in there. I think I know what you mean about suicide. Fear seems to be the main reason why I won't go through with it. I'm not religious, but for some strange reason I believe I would end up somewhere horrible if I did that. I also don't feel ready, but sometimes the idea invades my mind. 

How are things today? Feeling any better?

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