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Too embarrassed to go back


samsquared

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This has been weighing on me since the beginning of the semester. Last year, I attended both group and individual therapy through the school's counseling centre. When the semester ends, so does the treatment. At the end of the year, my therapist told me she thought that though I could potentially benefit from more therapy, if I didn't go back I would be OK.
I know in my head that she was trying to be encouraging and soothe my emotions because I was crying, but in my heart, I can't help but feel ashamed that I want to go back. Though I realize that I am internalizing something that was likely not intended to be taken that way, I feel like I would be disappointing her and myself by not being strong enough. Therapy has given me so many tools and now I am more equipped to deal with my emotions and I've definitely taken major steps to cope with my trauma in and out of therapy. I'm no longer afraid to ask for help when I'm feeling bad- which is why I'm here! That's all thanks to therapy. I want to have more tools like that and more support. I want the help, but I can't shake the feeling that going back is admitting that I'm weak and stupid and I can't do it on my own.

Has anyone else ever felt this way? If so, what did you do to fight the feeling or how did you ease yourself back into therapy? 

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Personally, no, but in my opinion therapy is the best treatment to depression. Therapy can come in many ways as well, it doesn't always have to be a professional. My pet has given me a lot of therapy on her own without even trying, a good friend who wants to listen, a sibling or loved one who's there... Therapy doesn't inherently mean therapist. Everyone needs therapy, depressed or not, maybe that's what your therapist meant? To move forward in life we have to deal with our past or we're just anchored to old emotions. 

And old things tend to be s***ty.

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I want to welcome you to the Forums, Samsquared!

The dilemma you describe is one I experienced too.  I don't know what advice to give except to be gentle with yourself and not force yourself to do anything you are not ready for.   I wish I could be more helpful.  It is difficult to be conflicted about things!!!  Best to you whatever you decide to do!!! - epictetus

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  • 4 years later...
On 12/1/2017 at 8:14 AM, samsquared said:

Thanks for the welcome. I appreciate all of your thoughts on this. I still am confused but i appreciate the different perspectives. I never would have thought of some of this!

The more we fight/resist our inner calling, the more we suffer. At one side, it is really good that you understood your inner call to get back to therapy. But thinking that to do so means you're weak, is a pure injustice to the need that your body and mind are asking for. Please think this way, will you not give food to your body when your body asks for it?

You have got courage, because you have admitted the need for therapy. Many would try to hide. Now must you act with your courage.

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  • 2 months later...

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