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museumgirl

i can't put into words what's happening to me

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i should clarify i am a highly sensitive girl. these last month or so i have been such an emotional wreck, i have cried almost on a daily basis over the tiniest situations (which, to me, seem to matter a great deal). I don't feel i am articulate or smart enough to explain what's going on. i just don't want to live anymore and i'm scared to tell my therapist. my body wants to be constantly asleep to avoid the pain that i deal with all the time. i'm irritable and angry and mean to people when i try to be the exact opposite. when i do something wrong, i obsess over it and can't let it go, forgive myself and learn from it, i have no tools to do that. i just feel like the worst person ever and that i'm worthless and  i deserve to die. i have realized that a lot of things that i criticize about my mother are behaviours that i copy myself and feel terribly guilty about it. i have no pillars to support me and have no methods to counteract these excessive and unreasonable emotional responses. I have been stuck like this for this long and i don't know how longer i can take it.

i feel so stupid because i can't possibly think about reasons why i've become so intensely overwhelmed, and also because I have no idea how to overcome this.

sorry for being so vague and incoherent i don't know how to express myself 

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18 hours ago, museumgirl said:
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i should clarify i am a highly sensitive girl. these last month or so i have been such an emotional wreck, i have cried almost on a daily basis over the tiniest situations (which, to me, seem to matter a great deal). I don't feel i am articulate or smart enough to explain what's going on. i just don't want to live anymore and i'm scared to tell my therapist. my body wants to be constantly asleep to avoid the pain that i deal with all the time. i'm irritable and angry and mean to people when i try to be the exact opposite. when i do something wrong, i obsess over it and can't let it go, forgive myself and learn from it, i have no tools to do that. i just feel like the worst person ever and that i'm worthless and  i deserve to die. i have realized that a lot of things that i criticize about my mother are behaviours that i copy myself and feel terribly guilty about it. i have no pillars to support me and have no methods to counteract these excessive and unreasonable emotional responses. I have been stuck like this for this long and i don't know how longer i can take it.

i feel so stupid because i can't possibly think about reasons why i've become so intensely overwhelmed, and also because I have no idea how to overcome this.

sorry for being so vague and incoherent i don't know how to express myself 

I feel the same way, you described my situation too. Wish I knew what to say to help you but just hold on and keep on trying eventually things have a way of falling into place-hopefully or at least that's something that might help I dunno.

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Hello. I would definitely talk to your therapist about how you're feeling, especially around feeling like you deserve to die and want to die. This is no way to live life, feeling this bad and awful. I feel for you. You are not worthless and deserve to feel good about yourself, and about life in general! You deserve to be happy. So talk to your therapist and work with him/her on all of this.... hugs to you.

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You're not worthless, none of us are. Easy to say, hard to believe and feel, I know. It's almost certain that there are people around you who like you a lot more than you do yourself. I have no idea what the answers are, but there is a big positive here, in that you're recognising that there's something wrong with how you react. Of course we can't always control the way we react, but being aware of the problem is a great step.

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