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psychocandy

Son 14 with OCD and Anxiety - violent and aggressive

5 posts in this topic

Posted · Report post  

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Having experience myself I know how tough things can be and how hard it must be for him. Mental health services for teenagers in the uk is appalling and we've waited months for a specialist appointment (and the GP wont prescribe meds until hes seen by a specialist). We've paid for counselling and tried to do things right to help him.

But, the counsellor confirms, he just cannot be bothered to help himself or make any attempts. Hes getting worse and worse, and just seems to do what he wants at the moment. He seems to blame everyone else. Hes very aggressive and can be violent. He throws things, punches cupboards. We've tried to get him to walk away and go and calm down (and he promised to do this) but every day now he will stand in the middle of the floor and shout and scream and when you ask him he will refuse to move. Then he'll say what are you going to do about it and come on there! He seems to want to escalate things even further.

So far, Ive  walked away from him. You realise you can't physically force a 14 year old. Hes got a 4 year old sister who he does this in front of and gets very upset. We also suspect hes hurt her once or twice by being rough or pinhcing her when shes annoyed him.

We really want to help him but we fear hes becoming a danger for others in the house. Its just going to take one day before he loses it completely and escalates the violence. I fear one day coming home from work and hes physically attacked his mother (who hes bigger than) or his sister - I just know it.

I know its not his fault but surely we've got to draw the line somewhere sensible.

Anyone in the same situation - what can we do?

Not keen to get social services involves because they may make things worse - Im not a big fan....

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Posted · Report post  

It’s nice that you can sympathize with him because of your own past issues. :) The situation sounds very scary. Do you know how much longer it will be before he sees the specialist? Is there another relative (one bigger than him) he can stay with until this time so he doesn’t continue scaring and possibly hurting his younger sister? My heart goes out to you and the family. Things don’t always move as fast as we would like them to in the U.S. either. :( If there is no improvement you may have to consider calling social services to see what your options are. I will be praying for all of you in the meantime, that this teenager gets the help he deserves and for peace for the family. Please keep us posted. Big hug! 

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Posted · Report post  


Initial specialist appointment two weeks ago now and nothing. It was with a nurse sort of like an assessment = it called CAMHS in the uk. I get the impression they got the appointment in to meet their targets and now its back on the waiting list.

Things continue to get worse. I dont know if its all related but its moving away from OCD onto general behaviour which apparently is everyone elses fault.  I would say 6 days out of 7 we have him screaming at us. He refuses to do a thing even pick up dishes hes used. He just kicks off.

Its starting to affect the health and wellbeing of the rest of the family if I'm honest. His 4 year old sister is scared to go near him. My wife who has Fibro is in bits (a lot of Fibro is stress related) and I just cant wait to get to work to get away from him.

Mental health provision in this country UK is appalling. We've tried and tried but no-one is interested in helping. I tried to call the primary care people  the other day (not CAMHS but someone else he had an appointment with). They promised to call me back - took them THREE WEEKS to call back.

I can't help thinking no-one will listen until theres a death or serious injury to someone. Seriously considering taking him to A&E kicking off, refusing to take him home, and let them deal with him. It might focus attention.

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Posted · Report post  

Hi Psychocandy -- You may find Mind useful to gain information and support.

However, I'm not sure what services are in Wales.

You can also find useful information from your GP, and if your son feels ready or at a point where he can accept his issues and possible illness -- can take medication for anger outbursts. As he is under 18, I'm not sure if you can force meds on him but either way, I would suggest that conversing with him when you feel he may listen. Talk to him on a mature, mutual level and not as a parent. Of course, this may be hard to do but if you sense he is being reflective and non-aggressive, that may well be a time where you can talk to him on his level.

I remember being aggressive in my teens and having severe hate towards my parents, but, they persisted and were more then happy to welcome me back from my illness. I was sectioned under the mental health act and detained in hospital. This was in my early 20's (I'm 27 now) and although I still had issues with family, they were there to welcome me back to normality. Don't give up feeling that he won't come back to you. Give him the time and support he needs, and he will be thankful that you were there and are there to welcome him back.

Tungsten.

 

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Posted · Report post  

My brother was very difficult as a teenager and there was no reasoning with him. The only time he really seemed worried is when he got into trouble with the police, that was kind of a wake-up call to him. Sometimes it takes an authority figure to get teenage boys under control, as painful as it may be as a parent. Even looking back at myself I mouthed off to my mother a lot because I knew she couldn't do anything, I would have NEVER dared to talk to my father the way I talked to her because he would've kicked my ass. 

Be supportive of him but if he gets way out of line don't feel bad calling the cops on him. He'll forgive you someday, even if it'll take him a while to realize that he was in the wrong.

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