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Just Need to Talk


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I honestly didn't expect to be back here for awhile. Things have been so much better for me for such a long time. But now, I've come to a very difficult time with my teenager that has rocked me to the core. I feel broken, unbelievably hurt, and lost. The most important person in my life has hurt me beyond belief. MY KID/TEENAGER! Never in my life have I been cursed at, yelled at, vulgarity spewed at, as I have recently experienced with my 16 yr old. I tried so hard to keep my cool during this "meltdown" on her part. I even tried to distance myself so all parties could calm down. But my teenager continued to follow me and spew such vulgarities! It has rocked me to my core. I have never been so hurt, confused, and frustrated. I don't know what to do. But I have scheduled time with a counselor for both my teenager and I. I'm not trying to be selfish. Obviously my kid has a lot going on in her head that we need to hash out. But this recentl prLedicament has put me in a tailspin to regress with my own depression and axiety. I am now personally struggling within as well as hurting for my child and all the hurt she is feelling. I feel lost, frustrated, and need help. I want to help my daughter, how do I help fix her own anguish, hurt, and hate.  Then I feel guilty for how I feel on a personal level. I am SO unbelievably hurt by her words. She is the MOST important person in my life. I would do anything for.  And I feel destroyed. I shouldn't be focusing on myself, but her anguish. But I CANT discount what this has done to ME and my own personal struggles. I don't know what to do. I have never in my life felt so much pain as I do now. I want to be there for my daughter, but to do that I NEED TO BE THERE. I dunno, maybe this is just me rambling.

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I'm currently raising the youngest of three, and she is 17.  We don't always see eye to eye, that's for sure!  And teenagers really know how to hit you where it hurts.  :console:

Do you know why she is striking out at you?  Maybe you can't talk about it, that's okay.  I know there are often times with our teenagers when we have to just listen and let them vent.  But if she is being so vitriolic and angry against you, I think it is a good call on your part to get a counselor involved.  I know it can be so hard, because they can say things that really hurt us.  It's okay to vent, sometimes it helps just to be able to express it.  It's clear from your post that you are doing your best to be there for your daughter despite your pain.  Going to a counselor is a good move.  Hang in there.  :console: 

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I am so sorry that this is going on :(

My mother and I had a difficult relationship for years, but now we are close. I think that when children get older, they mature and realize how important family is. In general, people become more compassionate the older they get. I think that family therapy might help. Another thing I wanted to suggest, is that could you do something positive together? Maybe gardening, visiting a botanical conservatory, taking a walk in the park together, or so forth. This might give you time to calm down together and maybe communicate more gently. 

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