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Dixie

What is bipolar vs What is my boyfriend?

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Background: Dating boyfriend for 3 months- we were friends before that for six months and tried to date but living situation was too difficult (see end of background), so we stayed friends and started dating 5 months later. He revealed his bipolar to me last year and he was diagnosed when he stopped drinking over 3 years ago. He's been sober and taking meds for bipolar and anxiety for 3.5 years. He's been divorced almost 4 years and the drinking and other issues caused divorce. I'm the first girl he seriously dated after divorce. He has 2 kids - 11 yo girl and 15 yo boy who has "on the spectrum" autism. He lives with ex wife to help with 15 yo but had planned on moving out b/c we were dating. Once ex found out he was dating me, she freaked out. And there is absolutely nothing romantically going on between them - we have had extensive conversations on that topic.

We were great for 3 months - very emotionally, physically attracted and had amazing days together. He told me he was falling in love with me one month in. 

Then at 3 month dating mark, he said that he didn't feel like himself, work was overwhelming and his sons apparent regression (with autism) was making it hard for him to get up go to work - he didn't want to socialize, talk with anyone and just wanted to sleep. He started seeing a therapist when this started happening. Also continued taking his meds and exercising. He knew it was depression creeping in and it scared him as this was the worst he had felt.

We always had spoke very openly about everything. He was starting to be distant and we kept trying to meet up and something would come up. He finally said my therapist wants me to simplify my life and focus on my sobriety, work and kids. And I said "what about dating me?" He said the therapist thinks I shouldn't date you now, but I'm not willing to give you up. He said let's just slow down as there just natural pressure from us dating and right now I can't handle that. I can't move out of the house as the thought of not seeing the kids right now is not possible. I need that consistency and I just cannot move out of the house with what I'm going through. 

We spoke more and he said that his feelings for me had been stagnant when the depression started happening- as if he was running first (with the feelings), then I caught up then when the depression came his feelings didn't move forward, but mine did. He said he still had very strong feelings for me, cared for me deeply and was still very physicality attracted (more than friends) for me. 

Give the situation, we agreed to step back and not be intimate and remove pressure from him to get through this time, but still talk and meet up. 

We met up in person after that convo and talked about everything including us and he said he has to focus on day to day activities and we'll go from there. He still was attracted to me and had very strong feeelings for me. 

I've read SO much about depression and bipolar, which as helped me understand this backwards world.

We now haven't seen each other since that meet up a month ago nor talked live. We've texted during that time...but I stopped texting two weeks ago as I wanted him to be the initiator. And I've heard nothing in two weeks. And he said he would call, but didn't call - again not like him. He likes my social media posts but that's it. 

My question is should I just wait for him to contact me or call just to see what's up/nothing heavy?

I know depression turns everything upside down so I don't know if he still needs this time to get bettter or if it's making it worse not hearing from me? The most difficult part of this is understanding what behavior is the depression and what is him.

Thoughts from those going through depression or partners of this with depression? 

 

PS I started seeing a therapist after our convo to help my emotional needs too. 

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