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babyxgothxx

I need some advice

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Hi everyone! Just start by saying that I'm 19, depressed and feel like a loner. Well I probably am. I'm in my 3rd year of college and all these years, no one wants to get to know me. I have crippling social anxiety and try my best to talk to them first but they just go back to their group of friends. They never even look at me... When they do, they look at me weird. Maybe it's because I'm ugly but do take pride in my appearance; makeup, clothes etc. I'm always sweet and polite too, just don't get it. I never seem to fit into ANY group. Like yesterday, we were making blogs and none of my class followed my blog but added each other! I'm so upset right now.  :coopcray:

I've never even had a boyfriend... I wish I had a boy to comfort me and tell me everything's okay. :hugs:I liked this guy since my 2nd year in college. He has a gf but I crave his hugs so bad... Feel like I'm in love. I know it's wrong/childish I hate myself for it. Not trying to separate them. No guy compares to him, he's just amazing :icon12: His friends always laugh and make fun of me all because I like him. He was on my last course, it was a living nightmare because his gf found out then bullied me. Still does. I didn't even talk to him though! Never flirted too. Maybe people hate me because I'm ugly and should die. I'm so sick of dealing with my anxiety every day that I have breakdowns and have an urge to rip/shave my hair off! I know people will pick on me bald though.... I'm even too afraid to leave my house over people judging. If anxiety was a person, I would **** it even though I wouldn't hurt a fly. I love people, never judge them but they do with me... Not fair or maybe my anxiety's telling me lies? :bomb:

Sorry if I sound stupid. Have any advice? Just any positive advice please just to make me feel better. I have no friends to really talk to. No hate... Thanks! xxx :icon12: 

Edited by babyxgothxx

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But all I do is hate... anyway, Don't let them do that to you. You're not truly ****d up in anyway, am I correct on that assumption? Be introspective on the thought. When you let the little s***s f*** with you, they get emboldened by it. I held back knowing I had the devil's gifts of sorts (I can get extremely vicious and cold) and people just walked all over me. Only now do I see the long lasting effects of such mistakes. It's better to be gothic in nature about things than end up eternally damaged by your failure. Be brave and make them stop being *****. Life is an eternal crusade, you either fight or submit. There's a point you get to where you tell your anxiety to "sit the f*** down, I've got this".

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It's not about your looks, even if you were ugly that wouldn't prevent you from making friends or finding a boyfriend (as long as your expectations are in line with your looks anyway), The real problem is your social anxiety. People can sense when you're uncomfortable and it makes them uncomfortable too so they'll try to avoid you. And yes, your anxiety lies to you about people judging you, most people just don't even care enough to judge you and even the ones that do care usually don't think what anxiety is telling you. Have you seen a therapist about any of this? May be a good idea to work on the issues that led to you having social anxiety so you'll be more comfortable around people which will go a long way in making you more approachable and likable. 

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4 hours ago, babyxgothxx said:
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Hi everyone! Just start by saying that I'm 19, depressed and feel like a loner. Well I probably am. I'm in my 3rd year of college and all these years, no one wants to get to know me. I have crippling social anxiety and try my best to talk to them first but they just go back to their group of friends. They never even look at me... When they do, they look at me weird. Maybe it's because I'm ugly but do take pride in my appearance; makeup, clothes etc. I'm always sweet and polite too, just don't get it. I never seem to fit into ANY group. Like yesterday, we were making blogs and none of my class followed my blog but added each other! I'm so upset right now.  :coopcray:

I've never even had a boyfriend... I wish I had a boy to comfort me and tell me everything's okay. :hugs:I liked this guy since my 2nd year in college. He has a gf but I crave his hugs so bad... Feel like I'm in love. I know it's wrong/childish I hate myself for it. Not trying to separate them. No guy compares to him, he's just amazing :icon12: His friends always laugh and make fun of me all because I like him. He was on my last course, it was a living nightmare because his gf found out then bullied me. Still does. I didn't even talk to him though! Never flirted too. Maybe people hate me because I'm ugly and should die. I'm so sick of dealing with my anxiety every day that I have breakdowns and have an urge to rip/shave my hair off! I know people will pick on me bald though.... I'm even too afraid to leave my house over people judging. If anxiety was a person, I would **** it even though I wouldn't hurt a fly. I love people, never judge them but they do with me... Not fair or maybe my anxiety's telling me lies? :bomb:

Sorry if I sound stupid. Have any advice? Just any positive advice please just to make me feel better. I have no friends to really talk to. No hate... Thanks! xxx :icon12: 

You sound completely normal, with some issues of insecurities that most young people have and I'm assuming most young people are suppose to feel some uncertainties?  First, I would reach out to a guidance counselor about the way you feel.  you could just use some time with a therapist to see if you're dealing with depression.  One of my biggest mistakes was believing that getting a boyfriend or a boy to notice when I felt so insecure--believing a boy noticing me will make me feel better or feel pretty.  In fact, it was easy for that boy to take advantage because I was so super insecure.  If this happens, please don't beat yourself up about it.  I did, and it just made things so bad.  But you, have a chance to feel better on your own, get yourself together before you are together with someone else.  Talk to a therapist.  Please.  Reach out to your guidance counselor, every college kid is assigned one (last I heard).  Reach out to your family?  A pastor? Family doctor?  What you are feeling is normal, but it shouldn't make you this unhappy.  These are precious years, enjoy them.  You deserve to be happy :console: 

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19 hours ago, HeatherG said:

You sound completely normal, with some issues of insecurities that most young people have and I'm assuming most young people are suppose to feel some uncertainties?  First, I would reach out to a guidance counselor about the way you feel.  you could just use some time with a therapist to see if you're dealing with depression.  One of my biggest mistakes was believing that getting a boyfriend or a boy to notice when I felt so insecure--believing a boy noticing me will make me feel better or feel pretty.  In fact, it was easy for that boy to take advantage because I was so super insecure.  If this happens, please don't beat yourself up about it.  I did, and it just made things so bad.  But you, have a chance to feel better on your own, get yourself together before you are together with someone else.  Talk to a therapist.  Please.  Reach out to your guidance counselor, every college kid is assigned one (last I heard).  Reach out to your family?  A pastor? Family doctor?  What you are feeling is normal, but it shouldn't make you this unhappy.  These are precious years, enjoy them.  You deserve to be happy :console: 

Hi Heather! Thank you for the advice. I haven't been to doctors with depression yet but have with anxiety. I felt depressed for years but haven't gotten help yet, not self-diagnosing. You're right, most young people have insecurities it is quite normal! I've tried talking to my college counsellors but they see my problems as a joke because they think I'm going crazy just for this guy. It's not! It's everything else and him. Ohh that's awful to hear that pos that took advantage of you! :sniffle1: Hope you are okay! :hugs: Guys can be real jerks these days it's not your fault... You are such a strong person for dealing with that! I'll try to get better on my own... I am independent but crave a guy's affection tho now not as much. I'll try talking to therapists. Again thank you and the other answerers too! 

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9 hours ago, babyxgothxx said:

Hi Heather! Thank you for the advice. I haven't been to doctors with depression yet but have with anxiety. I felt depressed for years but haven't gotten help yet, not self-diagnosing. You're right, most young people have insecurities it is quite normal! I've tried talking to my college counsellors but they see my problems as a joke because they think I'm going crazy just for this guy. It's not! It's everything else and him. Ohh that's awful to hear that pos that took advantage of you! :sniffle1: Hope you are okay! :hugs: Guys can be real jerks these days it's not your fault... You are such a strong person for dealing with that! I'll try to get better on my own... I am independent but crave a guy's affection tho now not as much. I'll try talking to therapists. Again thank you and the other answerers too! 

Whoa a college guidance counselor was dismissive, making assumptions it's just about a boy?  Hmm.  I'm not feeling that.  And honey it was so long ago when a boy I liked took advantage, thank you for your kind words but I'm okay.  Way in the past.  Yes guys can be jerks but so can girls.  I'm not that strong, at all, I go seek help, whether a therapists or psychologists.  I don't stop until I know the person I'm seeking help from can and will help me.  Yes please talk to a therapist and make sure nothing else is going on inside of you.  Also, she/he should help you reach out to friends, join a sorority, be friends with both guys and girls and have your college experience be the most fulfilling time of your life right now.  These are those years where you build connections and contacts and lifelong friends.  Since you've felt depressed for years, why not look into what's going on and have a therapist help you?  It'll be the best thing you've ever done for yourself.  You take care, and be good to yourself *hugs*.  Have a lovely Sunday.

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20 hours ago, HeatherG said:

Whoa a college guidance counselor was dismissive, making assumptions it's just about a boy?  Hmm.  I'm not feeling that.  And honey it was so long ago when a boy I liked took advantage, thank you for your kind words but I'm okay.  Way in the past.  Yes guys can be jerks but so can girls.  I'm not that strong, at all, I go seek help, whether a therapists or psychologists.  I don't stop until I know the person I'm seeking help from can and will help me.  Yes please talk to a therapist and make sure nothing else is going on inside of you.  Also, she/he should help you reach out to friends, join a sorority, be friends with both guys and girls and have your college experience be the most fulfilling time of your life right now.  These are those years where you build connections and contacts and lifelong friends.  Since you've felt depressed for years, why not look into what's going on and have a therapist help you?  It'll be the best thing you've ever done for yourself.  You take care, and be good to yourself *hugs*.  Have a lovely Sunday.


Yep stupid right? Maybe it's because I said I was crazy about that boy. I didn't tell them about the anxiety/depression so when I finally opened up, they linked it to him. Oh so sorry! I assumed it was recent or something, really happy to know you're better now. Yes both genders can be real jerks... Hmm getting help doesn't mean weak.... We're all stronger than we know... You're trying to get better that's the main thing. I'll definitely try to seek help coz I was in college again today and noticed my anxiety's ruining my life for many reasons. I had the biggest urge to get rid of my hair in frustration today but didn't thankfully phew. I remembered all the advice and felt much better... I should be enjoying college... Don't think anyone has that urge, it's weird. Hope you had a lovely Sunday though *hugs to you* 

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3 hours ago, babyxgothxx said:


Yep stupid right? Maybe it's because I said I was crazy about that boy. I didn't tell them about the anxiety/depression so when I finally opened up, they linked it to him. Oh so sorry! I assumed it was recent or something, really happy to know you're better now. Yes both genders can be real jerks... Hmm getting help doesn't mean weak.... We're all stronger than we know... You're trying to get better that's the main thing. I'll definitely try to seek help coz I was in college again today and noticed my anxiety's ruining my life for many reasons. I had the biggest urge to get rid of my hair in frustration today but didn't thankfully phew. I remembered all the advice and felt much better... I should be enjoying college... Don't think anyone has that urge, it's weird. Hope you had a lovely Sunday though *hugs to you* 

You sound like such a kind human being.  You would benefit so much from therapy.  And I do want you to enjoy being in college with all those college experiences, not have anxieties ruining your day/time there.  Thank you--Please don't cut your hair, I did it, I've done it, and it takes a while to grow back and not to mention--longer hair is easier to deal with (least for me it is, pull it back in a ponytail).  Yes I think we're stronger than we know, but sometimes I don't feel that strong at all.  Yes you should be enjoying college.  My Sunday was okay, thank you.  And hugs right back'atcha :)

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On 9/16/2017 at 3:39 AM, babyxgothxx said:
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Hi everyone! Just start by saying that I'm 19, depressed and feel like a loner. Well I probably am. I'm in my 3rd year of college and all these years, no one wants to get to know me. I have crippling social anxiety and try my best to talk to them first but they just go back to their group of friends. They never even look at me... When they do, they look at me weird. Maybe it's because I'm ugly but do take pride in my appearance; makeup, clothes etc. I'm always sweet and polite too, just don't get it. I never seem to fit into ANY group. Like yesterday, we were making blogs and none of my class followed my blog but added each other! I'm so upset right now.  :coopcray:

I've never even had a boyfriend... I wish I had a boy to comfort me and tell me everything's okay. :hugs:I liked this guy since my 2nd year in college. He has a gf but I crave his hugs so bad... Feel like I'm in love. I know it's wrong/childish I hate myself for it. Not trying to separate them. No guy compares to him, he's just amazing :icon12: His friends always laugh and make fun of me all because I like him. He was on my last course, it was a living nightmare because his gf found out then bullied me. Still does. I didn't even talk to him though! Never flirted too. Maybe people hate me because I'm ugly and should die. I'm so sick of dealing with my anxiety every day that I have breakdowns and have an urge to rip/shave my hair off! I know people will pick on me bald though.... I'm even too afraid to leave my house over people judging. If anxiety was a person, I would **** it even though I wouldn't hurt a fly. I love people, never judge them but they do with me... Not fair or maybe my anxiety's telling me lies? :bomb:

Sorry if I sound stupid. Have any advice? Just any positive advice please just to make me feel better. I have no friends to really talk to. No hate... Thanks! xxx :icon12: 

You're 19 and in the 3rd year of college? I wish I had met someone like you when I was in college; I would have been more than pleased to be your friend and even more. 

Don't be in a rush to find a boyfriend, learn to appreciate yourself first, that gives one confidence. Now I assume you have some sort of mental illness since you are posting here which can be a bit challenging to meet people but usually it's not them, it can be us. Because of our mental illness we tend to look at life just a bit skewed, so you need to have as clear as mind as possible. My youngest daughter is older than you and when they first started dating they would always as their mom and I for a little advice so I'm advising you as well did them. I know that you're probably impatient but patience does have its benefits and it will allow you not only you to meet good people who can become friends and maybe even a good partner or close friend. You will attract the right people/person before you know it.

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14 hours ago, HeatherG said:

You sound like such a kind human being.  You would benefit so much from therapy.  And I do want you to enjoy being in college with all those college experiences, not have anxieties ruining your day/time there.  Thank you--Please don't cut your hair, I did it, I've done it, and it takes a while to grow back and not to mention--longer hair is easier to deal with (least for me it is, pull it back in a ponytail).  Yes I think we're stronger than we know, but sometimes I don't feel that strong at all.  Yes you should be enjoying college.  My Sunday was okay, thank you.  And hugs right back'atcha :)

Aw thanks! You're so kind yourself... Yep I'll only regret not getting help now in the future. It'll only get worse... OK I'll try not to get rid of my hair. The urge comes strongest when you feel nobody's listening you know? So sorry... Did you cut your hair for the same reason or just got a haircut? Awh... It's ok to feel "weak" sometimes... some days it seems like there's no end and you've been too strong for too long... *big hugs* That's wonderful! Hope you have a good day today and thank you for the answers. They're so helpful!

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7 hours ago, vega57 said:

You're 19 and in the 3rd year of college? I wish I had met someone like you when I was in college; I would have been more than pleased to be your friend and even more. 

Don't be in a rush to find a boyfriend, learn to appreciate yourself first, that gives one confidence. Now I assume you have some sort of mental illness since you are posting here which can be a bit challenging to meet people but usually it's not them, it can be us. Because of our mental illness we tend to look at life just a bit skewed, so you need to have as clear as mind as possible. My youngest daughter is older than you and when they first started dating they would always as their mom and I for a little advice so I'm advising you as well did them. I know that you're probably impatient but patience does have its benefits and it will allow you not only you to meet good people who can become friends and maybe even a good partner or close friend. You will attract the right people/person before you know it.

Hi vega! Thank you for your answer! Aw that's so kind, thanks... Yes, I really should be focusing on loving myself... Sometimes though I wish I had boyfriend because I think it will get rid of all my problems, probably won't tho... True. I have to be patient for the right person. In the meantime, focus on appreciating myself because then I won't be so dependent on anyone else? That's so true... It's so frustrating but that's what signals us anxious/depressed people give out without realising. People think you don't want to bother. It's sad how they judge you though. Mental illness makes us see things differently. Yes it's better to be patient because at least the right people will except you for who you are. OK I'll try the advice! It's so difficult always being the "loner" in every group. It sucks so bad. Though, it may not forever be this way. Who knows what will come.

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8 hours ago, babyxgothxx said:

Hi vega! Thank you for your answer! Aw that's so kind, thanks... Yes, I really should be focusing on loving myself... Sometimes though I wish I had boyfriend because I think it will get rid of all my problems, probably won't tho... True. I have to be patient for the right person. In the meantime, focus on appreciating myself because then I won't be so dependent on anyone else? That's so true... It's so frustrating but that's what signals us anxious/depressed people give out without realising. People think you don't want to bother. It's sad how they judge you though. Mental illness makes us see things differently. Yes it's better to be patient because at least the right people will except you for who you are. OK I'll try the advice! It's so difficult always being the "loner" in every group. It sucks so bad. Though, it may not forever be this way. Who knows what will come.

I'm happy for you, really am. When you can learn to appreciate your own company you'll be way ahead. And remember we men, well guys for you can be very immature and needy. When a handsome young stud comes knocking on your door make sure he complements you personally and in life. And if he doesn't open the door to the car or building, give him one chance; don't walk in till he does, and if he doesn't you walk away. I always did that for my wife; if he won't put you before himself it means he's to selfish. And when you find the right one for you and are ready to progress further observe how he treats his mother especially because that is how he'll treat you. And don't let him overwhelm you. Good luck to you. 

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16 hours ago, vega57 said:

I'm happy for you, really am. When you can learn to appreciate your own company you'll be way ahead. And remember we men, well guys for you can be very immature and needy. When a handsome young stud comes knocking on your door make sure he complements you personally and in life. And if he doesn't open the door to the car or building, give him one chance; don't walk in till he does, and if he doesn't you walk away. I always did that for my wife; if he won't put you before himself it means he's to selfish. And when you find the right one for you and are ready to progress further observe how he treats his mother especially because that is how he'll treat you. And don't let him overwhelm you. Good luck to you. 

Thank you for the advice! That's really helpful and is useful to find the right guy you know? I tend to fall for the wrong guys... The one who has a gf I like is a bit of a jerk. He leads me on and flirts with other girls in front of me to make me angry... How unreliable to his gf. I don't flirt with him though, never have. I saw him today and was gonna cry but I must remember to put myself first, not let him overtake me! Good luck to you too!

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On 9/19/2017 at 6:33 AM, babyxgothxx said:

Aw thanks! You're so kind yourself... Yep I'll only regret not getting help now in the future. It'll only get worse... OK I'll try not to get rid of my hair. The urge comes strongest when you feel nobody's listening you know? So sorry... Did you cut your hair for the same reason or just got a haircut? Awh... It's ok to feel "weak" sometimes... some days it seems like there's no end and you've been too strong for too long... *big hugs* That's wonderful! Hope you have a good day today and thank you for the answers. They're so helpful!

Anytime hon.  Yes I do wish I'd gotten therapy at the beginning of my problems, and stuck with it.  Over the years I've cut my hair for all kinds of reasons, none very good reasons--and I always end up deeply regretting the cut.  Yes I do know the pain of feeling like, no one is there and no one cares or listens.  Big hugs right back at'cha.  I hope your Wednesday is treating you well.  I hope my responses have been helpful, and encouraging.  Thank you right back at'cha. :) *hugs*

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18 hours ago, HeatherG said:

Anytime hon.  Yes I do wish I'd gotten therapy at the beginning of my problems, and stuck with it.  Over the years I've cut my hair for all kinds of reasons, none very good reasons--and I always end up deeply regretting the cut.  Yes I do know the pain of feeling like, no one is there and no one cares or listens.  Big hugs right back at'cha.  I hope your Wednesday is treating you well.  I hope my responses have been helpful, and encouraging.  Thank you right back at'cha. :) *hugs*

Awh so sorry to hear that... Therapy is sometimes hard to stick to... Plus it's sad you cut your hair... *hugs* Shame it takes a while to grow back. I'll try to resist it. Of course people don't notice how we feel but at least we're not alone. Oh yes they are really helpful thanks! Wednesday was fine thanks! Hope you enjoyed it too and had and a good day today! :happy:

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45 minutes ago, babyxgothxx said:

Awh so sorry to hear that... Therapy is sometimes hard to stick to... Plus it's sad you cut your hair... *hugs* Shame it takes a while to grow back. I'll try to resist it. Of course people don't notice how we feel but at least we're not alone. Oh yes they are really helpful thanks! Wednesday was fine thanks! Hope you enjoyed it too and had and a good day today! :happy:

You are so sweet *hugs*.  Keep in touch and let me know when you've found a therapist.  Hope Thursday is a great day for you.  

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14 hours ago, HeatherG said:

You are so sweet *hugs*.  Keep in touch and let me know when you've found a therapist.  Hope Thursday is a great day for you.  

Aw you're so sweet too! *hugs back* Sure we can keep in touch... Can you follow people on here?  If so, I'll follow you. Thursday was nice thanks. Hope it was for you and have a great weekend!

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20 hours ago, babyxgothxx said:

Aw you're so sweet too! *hugs back* Sure we can keep in touch... Can you follow people on here?  If so, I'll follow you. Thursday was nice thanks. Hope it was for you and have a great weekend!

Yep you can follow people on here.  I'll follow you.  Friday's weather is nice (east coast weather).  I'm looking forward to next week, hoping to get some things in order.  School just starting for you?  I think once you meet that therapist, you'll learn tips on new friends, handling new loves, handling classes, handling anxieties, all kinds of coping and living life skills.  Life becomes more clear.  It's hard to find clarity sometimes, least for me it's hard.  Okay, you have a nice weekend, ok?  :) I hope Friday treats you well.  *hugs* G

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12 hours ago, HeatherG said:

Yep you can follow people on here.  I'll follow you.  Friday's weather is nice (east coast weather).  I'm looking forward to next week, hoping to get some things in order.  School just starting for you?  I think once you meet that therapist, you'll learn tips on new friends, handling new loves, handling classes, handling anxieties, all kinds of coping and living life skills.  Life becomes more clear.  It's hard to find clarity sometimes, least for me it's hard.  Okay, you have a nice weekend, ok?  :) I hope Friday treats you well.  *hugs* G

Awh thanks, I followed back! Hope the week will work out for you... You deserve to be happy *hugs* Yep, school/college started few weeks ago, hasn't been long. When I posted this topic. That does sound wonderful, well hopefully it works out... I have to make time because I have college most of the week. -_- Aww it's ok... The strong feelings tend numb you too. Therapy will take a while but it's all worth it. Aww ok you too! :) *hugs back*    
 

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On 9/20/2017 at 5:35 AM, babyxgothxx said:

Thank you for the advice! That's really helpful and is useful to find the right guy you know? I tend to fall for the wrong guys... The one who has a gf I like is a bit of a jerk. He leads me on and flirts with other girls in front of me to make me angry... How unreliable to his gf. I don't flirt with him though, never have. I saw him today and was gonna cry but I must remember to put myself first, not let him overtake me! Good luck to you too!

Thank you and please remember that a jerk will most likely always be a jerk 

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10 hours ago, babyxgothxx said:

Awh thanks, I followed back! Hope the week will work out for you... You deserve to be happy *hugs* Yep, school/college started few weeks ago, hasn't been long. When I posted this topic. That does sound wonderful, well hopefully it works out... I have to make time because I have college most of the week. -_- Aww it's ok... The strong feelings tend numb you too. Therapy will take a while but it's all worth it. Aww ok you too! :) *hugs back*    
 

Hope the weekend treats you well.  Thank you for the follow *hugs*.  Let me know how your upcoming week goes.  U take care hon. :)

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10 hours ago, vega57 said:

Thank you and please remember that a jerk will most likely always be a jerk 

You're welcome and yep so true... I'm trying to not get involved with jerks.

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1 minute ago, babyxgothxx said:

You're welcome and yep so true... I'm trying to not get involved with jerks.

You seem like such a great person, and you deserve to be with someone wonderful. :hugs:

 

- KS

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9 hours ago, HeatherG said:

Hope the weekend treats you well.  Thank you for the follow *hugs*.  Let me know how your upcoming week goes.  U take care hon. :)

You're welcome! Hope you have a lovely weekend too. Awh I will, we can update each other. You take care too ok? *hugs*

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9 minutes ago, KidSurvivor2011 said:

You seem like such a great person, and you deserve to be with someone wonderful. :hugs:

 

- KS

Aw thanks! That's so sweet :hugs:

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