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Cass87

I know I need to get out...

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I know I need to get out of this relationship with my partner. We've been together for four years, but I have broken up with him multiple times. 

Every single time, he always convinces me to stay or come back. I feel so stupid, weak and vulnerable at times. 

I get scared of telling anyone because they get angry at me for not leaving him yet, which has cost me a friend. 

My parents (my dad especially) knows I need to leave him, and reminds me every time I see him. 

What's complicated things, is that I am chronically ill, I suffer from severe fatigue, anxiety, pain and depression. It's a weak excuse I know, but something inside of me can't bare to deal with the 'trying to leave' drama again.... I know next time it has to be it. 

I was determined last weekend, I came into this house and said I was unhappy, his moods and attitude wouldn't change towards me etc. 

He said he'd be mindful of his moods and attitude towards me, and acted SUPER nice, (as always when I return).

But then before long, the arguments start. 

He puts down comments or things I've done of Facebook, he comments on the way I am eating chips, shames me for 'snacking', nags at me annoyingly about things, makes fun of me but then when I dish out the same level of fun making- he turns serious! He has told me to get out of the room or that I am annoying at least a few times since I've been back. I hate his precense, I feel like he's always judging me, always 'knows best', always read to criticise or 'make fun' or to essentially make me feel CRAP. 

Maybe I'm being overly sensitive, but it happened the other night too. I hve a chronic Illness, and I said I had been sleeping the last few days. 

He says "well you've got plenty of energy on the weekend, and you don't sleep then, maybe you just need something to do" 

I'm like " what?! what are you implying? that im bored so I sleep? I have a chronic illness, I am fatigued, all of the time, on the weekends I battle fatigue ALL day, remember a wedding we went to? I had to sleep all day before we went??!!"

I WAS FURIOUS. I notice the comments and things he does, make me breathe heavy, and exhale deeply. 

Like the offending things he says jolt at my stomach. 

But maybe I'm ..... Interpreting it wrong...too sensitive...keep doing this to HIM. 

But **** this, I'm over it. s***TTTT. I hate relationships, there's so much pressure to stay. I feel like the boyfriend's family is always like *STAY FOREVER* and my family are like *get the **** out*** LOL. 

Anyway, Im just looking for some people to talk to :( xoxo

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