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I know I need to get out...

2 posts in this topic

Posted · Report post  


I know I need to get out of this relationship with my partner. We've been together for four years, but I have broken up with him multiple times. 

Every single time, he always convinces me to stay or come back. I feel so stupid, weak and vulnerable at times. 

I get scared of telling anyone because they get angry at me for not leaving him yet, which has cost me a friend. 

My parents (my dad especially) knows I need to leave him, and reminds me every time I see him. 

What's complicated things, is that I am chronically ill, I suffer from severe fatigue, anxiety, pain and depression. It's a weak excuse I know, but something inside of me can't bare to deal with the 'trying to leave' drama again.... I know next time it has to be it. 

I was determined last weekend, I came into this house and said I was unhappy, his moods and attitude wouldn't change towards me etc. 

He said he'd be mindful of his moods and attitude towards me, and acted SUPER nice, (as always when I return).

But then before long, the arguments start. 

He puts down comments or things I've done of Facebook, he comments on the way I am eating chips, shames me for 'snacking', nags at me annoyingly about things, makes fun of me but then when I dish out the same level of fun making- he turns serious! He has told me to get out of the room or that I am annoying at least a few times since I've been back. I hate his precense, I feel like he's always judging me, always 'knows best', always read to criticise or 'make fun' or to essentially make me feel CRAP. 

Maybe I'm being overly sensitive, but it happened the other night too. I hve a chronic Illness, and I said I had been sleeping the last few days. 

He says "well you've got plenty of energy on the weekend, and you don't sleep then, maybe you just need something to do" 

I'm like " what?! what are you implying? that im bored so I sleep? I have a chronic illness, I am fatigued, all of the time, on the weekends I battle fatigue ALL day, remember a wedding we went to? I had to sleep all day before we went??!!"

I WAS FURIOUS. I notice the comments and things he does, make me breathe heavy, and exhale deeply. 

Like the offending things he says jolt at my stomach. 

But maybe I'm ..... Interpreting it wrong...too sensitive...keep doing this to HIM. 

But **** this, I'm over it. s***TTTT. I hate relationships, there's so much pressure to stay. I feel like the boyfriend's family is always like *STAY FOREVER* and my family are like *get the **** out*** LOL. 

Anyway, Im just looking for some people to talk to :( xoxo

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Posted · Report post  

Hi Cass87,

I know this post is quite old, but figured I would respond anyway -

First, thank you for sharing this story with the community during such a frustrating and seemingly confusing time.  Relationships are incredibly complex - the bonds we create with people in which we inevitably develop strong emotional valence.  We must allow ourselves to be completely vulnerable to being hurt, and this can lead both positive and negative results.  

I would not venture to say that you are being "too sensitive," as your emotional experiences are yours to have and express.  While fatigue and health concerns can certainly make one more prone to getting angry and upset, these are still valid emotions.  As long as you are attempting to challenge your thoughts that may not be accurate, it is entirely acceptable to feel hurt when your significant other is making hurtful comments - it will always be acceptable.

No one can provide you with a firm decision regarding your relationship, but assuming it is still ongoing, making a list of pros and cons, as well as being transparent about your true feelings with the other individual can both be helpful tools in making a decision.  Your happiness is important, and one must be accepting of all that you bring with yourself.  These terms can be defined by you, personally, and you need not subscribe to anything that does not feel genuine or helpful to you.

I hope all is well at this point, and that I hear more from you in the future.  I wish you the best.

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