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Leefds

I need someone to talk to. I just don't know what to do anymore--

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Posted · Report post  

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Hi, I'm a 20 years old currently still in college but just recieved a job offer from my intern place. Story start from long time ago since i was a kid, honestly i've nvr been that close and comfortable to my mom. As long as i can remember, my mom has been the most coldest person I've evr known in my family. My dad on the other hand is a very warm, supporting and good family man. I always talked to him for whatever i felt and dreamt about and as a good dad he always supports me as long as he's still there. However, my dad passed away 5 years ago. I was left heartbroken knowing that i couldn't get any moral support from someone i looked up to. Other than my parents i actually have 3 older brothers who studied abroad and didn't get that close till my dad passed away. Also never really fell as comfortable as talking to dad, i feel like no one gets me. The problem now is, i always tried to be a good daughter in my family. When i dad passed away i swear to God i will start loving my mom since she's the only one i hv left. But my gosh being with my mom is a lot harder than i ever imagine. I mean she's not that bad but she has never given me any moral support. Not even once she ever said something like 'Wow great job! I believe you can reach your goal or whtever it is'. Never. All she ever said to me was only to bringing me down and never let me go for my dream. She always said something like 'Are you sure you can do that? I don't think you're smart enough to do that.' Or 'don't do something like that. YOU'RE JUST A GIRL'. yes she's super sexist to me and i hate it. Being the only daughter in this family suck everyone always expect me to be the most stereo typical woman. Like getting married, don't go to formal school and get good education bc in the end you're just going to be a fkin housewife. Oh my gosh, making me so stereo typical actually making me hating more and more abt marriage. Again back to the main problem, my mom. I love her i trully do, but gosh being with has given me nothing but depressions and anxiety abt myself. Whenever I'm around her i hate myself. And my friends are away and busy so i don't want to discuss my problem when none of them gets me. I hv no one to talk to and these days I'm going to go crazy if I can't sort this problem out. I feel like i want to leave my family and go disappear but that's just wont solve the problem. What should i do? :( :( :( i need help

Ps: english is my second language so I'm sorry if there's something wrong with my words.

Pps: i feel so fcked up right now :')

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Posted · Report post  

So sorry that your mom is not supportive and in fact discouraging to you.  I had an abusive mother so I know what it's like not to have support from my mother.  Plus she would always tell me my brother is a genius but never praise me for anything academic (he got worse grades than me).  You are not alone.  You must be your own supporter and get yourself a good career before you end up married with kids. You can do it!  p.s. I am 48 and probably close to your mom's age, so you should listen to me.  Career is very important so choose something you are good at and hopefully enjoy doing.  

Hugs to you,

Lauryn

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Posted (edited) · Report post  

Hold on to yourself first. Get  a nice job, do the things you love to do. Get a boyfriend, love always helps.

I also have an abusive mother who used to beat me a lot when I was a child. She never praised my accomplishments which were a lot for a kid at that age. She was never there for me. And I know it really hurts when your own parents seem not to care about you. I manage to tackle this problem with focusing on my job, thank God I have wonderful friends. 

Nobody choose their parents. Accept your mother and don't expect her to do things she doesn't know. Everytime I think about my parents I think about this speech:

 

 

Edited by moonwalker

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Posted · Report post  

I have 5 daughters, not all here but I do have 5 and 7 granddaughters and one that's just a few days from arriving. First, I empathize with you,  my mother was abusive, both mentally and physically but I still loved her, till the day she died. I didn't realize that she took suffered from mental illness until I was diagnosed and came to understand how insidious this illness really is. Your mother may never be the mother you want or need, maybe she can't for whatever reason. I would like to suggest that you talk to her straight out about how you feel, about what you need. It may help you both and if not you tried and you'll be able to move on a bit at a time. There are women  out there who can be a mother role to you and even men, good people who can help you. 

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