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LifeDream777

God's Love

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2 minutes ago, CoolCat7 said:

This is how I feel right now.

I hate hearing that because you are a great person.  I just feel like I was dropped into a pit of scum and forgotten by god.  I was born and then told you're on your own.

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4 minutes ago, CoolCat7 said:

Thanks sober.  I have been helped by other human beings and so I do feel much better than yesterday.

That's great!  Looking through my life there have been certain people that have helped me along the way as well.  They always seem to show up when you least expect them to.  Through the worst times in my life there was always someone that stepped up and helped me.  I'll never forget those people.

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The kindness of those people and our strength has brought us to this point.  I am glad you have had those people in your life as well.  Those people are what make the story of our lives amazing!  When all hope seems to be lost that person shows up out of nowhere.  That's how I met my best friend.

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I suffer from depressions.  I know that one of the classic set of symptoms of depression is negativity.  Attention and focus are stuck in negativity.  Negatives in the past loom and are vivid.  Positives in the past are difficult to access and appear small.  Negatives in the present loom large and positives appear microscopic or non-existent.  Negatives in the future seem like the only possibilities while positives seem improbable to impossible.  Negatives in the self appear huge while positives seems negligible.  The negativity which stems from depression becomes cosmic too.  It is not only the depression that is talking, it is the depression that is philosophizing or theologizing in me. 

I suffer from depression, but sometimes I can rise above it and regain perspective.  Being reappears. Beauty.  Goodness. I see light and not just shadows.     Balanced thinking reappears and perspective.  When I am depressed I don't generally want to hear those who dissent from my pervasive focus of negativity and pessimism. Happy talk seems superficial and cheeriness sickly sweet.   It is like someone rubbing salt into an open gaping wound or someone grinning and then slapping my face hard.  A psychiatrist once advised me:  "Don't engage in deep or philosophical thinking while in the throes of this illness because the results will skew toward darkness and negativity."

It is a symptom of MDD [unipolar major depression, clinical depression] to equate goodness with perfection.  Only what is perfect is seen as good.  In the black and white, all or nothing thinking of depression, there is no such thing as imperfect goodness.  Everything imperfect is bad macroscopically and microscopically.  A famous cognitive therapist tells this story.  A man on a beach sees a boy crying and asks him why he is crying.  The boy answers:  "I poured some ink into the ocean and now the entire ocean is completely ruined."  The therapist commented:  this is the hallmark of depression.

In the grip of severe depression, I could look at the painting "The Mona Lisa" and if I saw a speck of dust on the glass covering it, I could feel and think and say:  "The painting has been completely ruined."  This is the sheer barbaric brutality of this illness. 

When I am not submerged in the depths of the illness of depression,   I feel the love of "God" in many ways, too numerous to count or mention. 

Edited by Epictetus

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2 hours ago, Going_it_Alonne said:

We all walk in His immortal shadow. Free will is gift enough. We have a choice to rise or fall.

Blessings to you, Going_it_Alonne!  I loved reading this.

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On ‎9‎/‎9‎/‎2017 at 11:12 AM, Debbers said:

Blessings to you, Going_it_Alonne!  I loved reading this.

Just keeping the faith. "The strength of the Emperor (God) is Humanity, and the strength of Humanity is the Emperor. If one turns from the other we shall all become the Lost and the Damned."

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Music, devotionals (right now I am doing a Bible study on Esther through a gastropareis Bible study group and Anxiety for Nothing Bible Study on moments I feel up to it), the fact that he gives me a therapist and medication as tools to help me with the issues that I deal with, and the fact that he sometimes has the Bible Study on exactly what I need at the moment I need to hear it.

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