Memory from the past is ruining my life

[cb2]

I have one certain bad memory that runs through my mind at least 100 times a day, the incident happened 10 years ago but it feels like it happened yesterday. I've been in therapy for 3 years and am on 5 medications for depression and anxiety, mostly because of this one single incident, but none of that has worked and the memory is as vivid as it was when it first happened. This is really driving me crazy and I want to get rid of it forever because it's controlling me and holding me down. I think one reason why this memory haunts me so much is because it was life changing and I could have prevented it, I wish so much it never happened because I wouldn't be the mess that I am today. Any suggestions on how to get rid of a past memory that is ruining your life?

[Epictetus]

I wish I knew the answer to what you ask.  If I did, I would surely share it with you since you are suffering so much.  I think it is tragic that, so far, no medication or psychotherapist has been able to help you. 

Have any of your therapists been Cognitive therapists?  This type of therapy helped me with unwelcome obsessive memories from my past.  That in combination with a medication called Celexa.  Maybe you have tried these and maybe they have not worked for you or are not right for you.  

Please do not think I am promoting either Cognitive therapy or Celexa.  I realize that what works for one person might not work at all for someone else. 

Please forgive me if my words are not  helpful or wise.  Hopefully others will have better words for you.  My heart goes out to you and I hope you find something that works for you.  You certainly deserve relief from your pain!!!  My heart goes out to you!

[HeatherG]

1 hour ago, cb2 said:

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I have one certain bad memory that runs through my mind at least 100 times a day, the incident happened 10 years ago but it feels like it happened yesterday. I've been in therapy for 3 years and am on 5 medications for depression and anxiety, mostly because of this one single incident, but none of that has worked and the memory is as vivid as it was when it first happened. This is really driving me crazy and I want to get rid of it forever because it's controlling me and holding me down. I think one reason why this memory haunts me so much is because it was life changing and I could have prevented it, I wish so much it never happened because I wouldn't be the mess that I am today. Any suggestions on how to get rid of a past memory that is ruining your life?

Therapy, and it sounds like you feel guilty or some kind of guilt over what happened.  A licensed highly skilled therapist will help you talk about it, help you resolve these feelings you have, and that's when our mind can let go of what haunts us.  I hold onto so much, and it is in therapy that I understand why, what happened, my role in it if any and why I blame myself for almost all that's happened in my family.  I'm not to blame.  I should stop blaming myself.  Truly, we must be taught to be kind to ourselves.  You don't deserve to be driven crazy with these ongoing thoughts that plague you.  Give yourself a break, make that call, and speak to a professional about this.

[Oscar K]

I have some very bad memories.

I can't get rid of them nor should I.

My approach is to make the depression work for me.

I try to consign my very bad memories to deep almost inaccessible metaphorical pits.

The memories don't always stay put but I'm in charge of them and not the other way around.

Maybe this is food for thought and can help a little.

Keep posting, we are here for each other.

[Afterglow1978]

CB2, I wish I had an answer for you. There is one memory I have of an incident when I was an adolescent. It was entirely my fault and did a real scorched earth to my life. To this day, I still think I would have been justified to off myself over it but I did not. The only thing that has helped is the passage of time. As my life's situation continues to evolve away from it, the incident affects me less. It is still there though, and always will be. Honestly, if I could erase my life from about 13-18 I would gladly do it.

[Codunk]

Hey brother I wont begin to tell you I know how to help but you will be in my prayers. If you ever need to talk you can message me personally. I am here for you my friend. Keep fighting the good fight.

[Zagor]

Like others recommended..CBT is the best option. Also too much medications may make things worse. If you are religious talk to someone because in religion destiny is destiny. It was meant to be that way no matter what.

Keep in mind that your mind cannot think about 2 things at the same time. If you try to think about something else and your mind drives you to think about that memory you keep trying to think about something else. I know guilt can eat you inside out but you cannot change what happened.

Those who have knowledge about this kinda mental torture and know what exactly happened can make you recover. (CBT/Psychologyst)