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I am gonna die alone


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I know it. I'm gonna end up dying alone. I just cannot find anyone that wants to be involved with me. It's always the same story. Either the ones I like end up hating me, or I think she's gonna hate me and wait way too long to ask her out, at which point she's already found someone. I keep telling myself that dying alone is okay but it never works. I have never had any woman tell me those three words that everyone else hears. I swear, if I don't find someone soon I'm gonna just completely give up. Smother myself or OD or something cause it hurts so damn much.

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3 hours ago, Thanos said:

I know it. I'm gonna end up dying alone. I just cannot find anyone that wants to be involved with me. It's always the same story. Either the ones I like end up hating me, or I think she's gonna hate me and wait way too long to ask her out, at which point she's already found someone. I keep telling myself that dying alone is okay but it never works. I have never had any woman tell me those three words that everyone else hears. I swear, if I don't find someone soon I'm gonna just completely give up. Smother myself or OD or something cause it hurts so damn much.

I've never heard those 3 words either and I'm 36 now, you're far from alone, there are more people like us than you think. Even when I was around 12 years old and started getting interested in women I somehow just knew that I'd never experience this side of life and so far it's come true and doesn't look like there's much hope for things to change. It's still hurtful at times, especially around the holidays or when I see happy couples in the city holding hands and what not. For the most part I have learned to accept it though and it has gotten easier over the years, I used to be super bitter, angry, and depressed over this until I realized that the only person I am hurting with those feelings are myself. One nice benefit is that I no longer have to deal with rejection which always ended up making me depressed for months. It's not impossible to lead a fulfilled life without finding love, it's what you make of it. 

BTW, we're still better off than millions of Chinese guys (there's 33M more men than women) who have absolutely no hope of finding someone because there just aren't enough women around, at least statistics are in our favor...

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My issue is that I am completely afraid of social engagement. Growing up I was bullied pretty much constantly for a full decade. From 5th grade until my junior year of high school was constant torture. So I think I developed an inability to trust anyone enough to even talk to them. And being an aspie doesn't help anything either. So if I do have a woman show interest I won't even know it. And like I said this has caused many women to flat out state that they hate me. The one single time I took a chance and asked someone out (after being invited to her apartment on a number of occasions) she told me off so bluntly that I did attempt to **** myself. I was found in the bathtub with running water and an Exacto knife. I know that I should try more but I have lost the ability to trust ANYONE. So maybe I should just quit and off myself. I've talked myself out of ever being with someone.

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Not having a partner is no reason to do what you're suggesting.  I think you really have to question the logic of this. Believe me, if you aren't fussy about looks, you'll be able to find a woman that will like you, but you have to do some work because it isn't easy for any men to have a good relationship these days.  Most guys are worse off than you, especially those with kids in a loveless marriage.  

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On ‎02‎/‎09‎/‎2017 at 5:18 AM, Lumen said:

Not having a partner is no reason to do what you're suggesting.  I think you really have to question the logic of this. Believe me, if you aren't fussy about looks, you'll be able to find a woman that will like you, but you have to do some work because it isn't easy for any men to have a good relationship these days.  Most guys are worse off than you, especially those with kids in a loveless marriage.  

I still remain convinced it is. I don't really think looks are at the top of my requirements list. Still I have trouble finding anybody. I don't know if it's my social anxiety or my inability to trust anyone enough to even ask her out but I just cannot find anyone. I have put in effort for the last 3 years and constantly came up empty. So why not give up and end everything? Nothing is gonna get any better.

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Don't give up, find new strategies, make some changes in yourself,  keep looking for the truth, and most of all keep evolving.  There's no point in quitting, you're not losing anything by asking them out and if you do it enough, you're bound to eventually get a yes.     

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37 minutes ago, Lumen said:

Don't give up, find new strategies, make some changes in yourself,  keep looking for the truth, and most of all keep evolving.  There's no point in quitting, you're not losing anything by asking them out and if you do it enough, you're bound to eventually get a yes.     

No point in quitting except being able to avoid constant heartbreak. I have not found one woman ever who enjoys my company. And I can only ask so many, and get only so many rejections, before I need to face facts and know that there is no hope for me finding anyone willing to enter into a relationship with such damaged goods.

I see similar issues with my father. Many in my family suspect (though it hasn't been conclusively diagnosed as it has in me) that he also has Asperger's, but he has a lot of money so women flock to him, enough that he is now on his 3rd marriage. I don't have anywhere near the money he does so I get nowhere.

I also don't even know where to begin looking. I feel I've exhausted all avenues available. I tried online dating, I tried Meetups that feature similar interests, I tried work...nothing has panned out. I'm running out of ideas for "strategies".

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Have you tried an aspie dating site? Dating is challenging enough as it is and I can see how it would be nearly impossible if you're not good at reading people's social cues. A woman who also has Aspergers would be much more understanding and not have as many expectations in terms of having to read her mind. Finding a woman the "normal" way isn't impossible though, I've known a guy with Aspergers who managed to get dates despite committing just about every faux-pas in the book, he was just super sweet and caring so some women gave him a chance regardless. 

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3 hours ago, lonelyforeigner said:

Have you tried an aspie dating site? Dating is challenging enough as it is and I can see how it would be nearly impossible if you're not good at reading people's social cues. A woman who also has Aspergers would be much more understanding and not have as many expectations in terms of having to read her mind. Finding a woman the "normal" way isn't impossible though, I've known a guy with Aspergers who managed to get dates despite committing just about every faux-pas in the book, he was just super sweet and caring so some women gave him a chance regardless. 

I have tried aspie dating sites. All of them have me going out 100 miles for just one match.

As for the "normal" way, I just might not come across as sweet and caring as your friend did. I'm more apt to not know what the hell I did wrong and either get combative or just slink away in defeat. I used to do a LOT of the former but in recent years I've flipped and most often done the latter.

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On 9/1/2017 at 0:28 PM, Thanos said:
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I know it. I'm gonna end up dying alone. I just cannot find anyone that wants to be involved with me. It's always the same story. Either the ones I like end up hating me, or I think she's gonna hate me and wait way too long to ask her out, at which point she's already found someone. I keep telling myself that dying alone is okay but it never works. I have never had any woman tell me those three words that everyone else hears. I swear, if I don't find someone soon I'm gonna just completely give up. Smother myself or OD or something cause it hurts so damn much.

I am on the same situation on you.age 20-27 only had 1 girlfriend whom I been with for three months,now I don't even know if she can consider my GF.Now I can't even imagine falling in love because it seems impossible,I used to be a hard worker,just can't find the purpose anymore.

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On 9/3/2017 at 9:01 PM, whatchagonnado said:

"  The only woman in my 32 years who willingly engaged in anything close to sex with me (she insisted on dry humping and me eating her out) was like ok250 pounds at best. I don't really think looks are at the top of my requirements list  "

What a horrible thing to say. 

How so? I think it shows that I'm more focused on personality...or at least on that rare person who is willing to have anything at all to do with me. And I agree with Gtx1990. I don't see the point in trying anymore cause nobody is ever interested. Living in a town of like 60K where 75% are college age students doesn't help anything. And whenever I find the courage to speak up it turns out that she's already involved with someone else. I really want to **** myself to save myself from all this pain.

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2 minutes ago, Thanos said:

How so? I think it shows that I'm more focused on personality...or at least on that rare person who is willing to have anything at all to do with me. 

Some feminists see misogyny everywhere they look... I do see where she's coming from though, your statement came across as a bit judgmental and objectifying since you brought up the woman's weight and implied that she's unattractive instead of talking about her inner beauty. Personally I think that's normal though, most women (ah, now I'm outing myself as a generalizing misogynist) will judge us on things like education, income, height and success. However, that's perfectly OK since patriarchal oppressors cannot be discriminated against anyway, lol. 

11 minutes ago, Thanos said:

I really want to **** myself to save myself from all this pain.

Not being able to find a partner is no reason to **** yourself, you can still have a good life, millions of people do. If you think that the odds are against you in the town you live in why not move somewhere else?

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13 minutes ago, lonelyforeigner said:

Not being able to find a partner is no reason to **** yourself, you can still have a good life, millions of people do. If you think that the odds are against you in the town you live in why not move somewhere else?

Because I don't have the money. Right now I have $1300 to my name. I also have never worked a job for more than a year, and that job was as a damn cashier at a grocery store. It's like I need the support of a woman to feel better about myself and my future but I can't find a girlfriend unless I get a stable job. Catch-22. I still want to **** myself cause even without a partner I don't have anyone that I can consider close enough to provide those feelings.

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4 minutes ago, Thanos said:

Because I don't have the money. Right now I have $1300 to my name. I also have never worked a job for more than a year, and that job was as a damn cashier at a grocery store. It's like I need the support of a woman to feel better about myself and my future but I can't find a girlfriend unless I get a stable job. Catch-22. I still want to **** myself cause even without a partner I don't have anyone that I can consider close enough to provide those feelings.

There are plenty of guys with bad jobs who still manage to find a girlfriend. Just look for someone younger who isn't worried about settling down yet or someone from a lower socioeconomic group (i.e. someone working as a cashier or fast food) rather than trying to find a college educated career woman. First step should be some therapy to get over your anxiety and frustration since those aren't attractive traits. After that you may want to consider saving up for a dating coach (someone legit, not a pickup artist) who can help you learn how to better read people and how to date. It's not an impossible feat but it may take a few years to get there. 

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1 hour ago, lonelyforeigner said:

There are plenty of guys with bad jobs who still manage to find a girlfriend. Just look for someone younger who isn't worried about settling down yet or someone from a lower socioeconomic group (i.e. someone working as a cashier or fast food) rather than trying to find a college educated career woman. First step should be some therapy to get over your anxiety and frustration since those aren't attractive traits. After that you may want to consider saving up for a dating coach (someone legit, not a pickup artist) who can help you learn how to better read people and how to date. It's not an impossible feat but it may take a few years to get there. 

I've tried the younger, lower socioeconomic "lesser" thing before. It turned out the same way it always does: she's already taken by someone else. Either that or they string me along because they feel sorry for me and my panic attacks and/or Asperger's and they play like I have a chance. They never come out and say that they aren't interested or that they are taken. They let me make plans for a date and then they constantly postpone or they just don't show up. That, and everyone else that I know that fits that description is like 10+ years younger than me and there is a part of me that feels a bit creepy if I try and hit on someone who is just barely young enough to drink. The dating coach thing is an interesting idea; just hope there is one nearby, though I doubt it.

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I have to update this because I just found another reason why this whole life thing needs to end. So a friend back in Colorado has some friends that are doing a show that they think is funny. I think it's crap. I say so. In the middle of it all another friend (one that I went to college with and that I worked with repeatedly after college) issues me a challenge. He will put me up for the night, pay for my ticket, and get me a drink. If I fail to chuckle or laugh at any point, he also pays for my ticket home. Eager to prove my point and to see some old friends I accept. Yesterday I bought the plane tickets, costing over $300 that I barely have. After saying that I got my tickets and telling him so, he backs out, saying he fears for his safety. Again, he has known me for a long time. Over half a decade. I feel so betrayed. If this is how I get treated by people then I want no part of life. I want out.

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On ‎9‎/‎10‎/‎2017 at 4:30 PM, lonelyforeigner said:

Some feminists see misogyny everywhere they look... I do see where she's coming from though, your statement came across as a bit judgmental and objectifying since you brought up the woman's weight and implied that she's unattractive instead of talking about her inner beauty. Personally I think that's normal though, most women (ah, now I'm outing myself as a generalizing misogynist) will judge us on things like education, income, height and success. However, that's perfectly OK since patriarchal oppressors cannot be discriminated against anyway, lol. 

Not being able to find a partner is no reason to **** yourself, you can still have a good life, millions of people do. If you think that the odds are against you in the town you live in why not move somewhere else?

Some men like to bash feminists whenever they can.  The problem with his post was that he thought he was being reasonable and not asking for too much, considering he had sex with a fat woman.  I wasn't caring about inner beauty or whatever. What he said and my response obviously went over your head.  Ah, not I am outing myself as one of those feminists.  * insert eye roll here *

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2 hours ago, whatchagonnado said:

Some men like to bash feminists whenever they can.  The problem with his post was that he thought he was being reasonable and not asking for too much, considering he had sex with a fat woman.  I wasn't caring about inner beauty or whatever. What he said and my response obviously went over your head.  Ah, not I am outing myself as one of those feminists.  * insert eye roll here *

Yes, because you keep attacking men on here. I have yet to see you say anything encouraging to guys struggling with finding a relationship, you always focus on pointing out how horrible they are and attack female posters who try to encourage them as well. I don't have an issue with feminism that promotes equal rights, that's something I believe in, but many 4th wave feminists want female superiority and view men as barbaric subhumans that would go on raping and pillaging if it weren't for the law. 

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