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bobbiecat

Apology?

9 posts in this topic

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Now that I am taking medication for my depression that is helping, I want to rebuild relationships with my family and friends. However I feel the need, being a proper person, to apologize for essentially a lifetime of my being a lone wolf. And then this part of me feels like that will put them in an awkward situation and this out relationship, while another feels like I shouldn't have to apologize at all.

Anybody else go through this dilemma? Benefits of apologizing? Not apologizing? 

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I have a sister that annoys me. I try really hard to stay open in communicating with her style of personality. It will not be an easy post to describe much of myself or her for that matter.

She sends a text blathering about this relationship that ended. She is actually a really smart person in an academic way-but for some reason she has a very blind spot.

She professes Christianity and goes to church and prays and etc etc. but she finds these men and gets in fairly significant long term relationships...but they don't ever seem to even be step 1 christian

so in the end she can't seem to continue on. why would she not pre qualify dating exclusively Christian men to begin with?

I mean if you were interested in going to a gym everyday of the week and working out until perfection would you date an overweight couch potato and get much satisfaction> NO

and is it likely to be frustrating to try to convince and change the lifestyle of this person in the name of love?

She has never gotten along well with my mother.  both parties wounded. when you are from a large family and you have the potential to shine but there is not the energy to place attention on you-

will you build resentment because you may have succeeded had they driven you to gymnastics without groveling?

so my sister has this pattern of  changing her phone number. not kidding about 25 times in ten years. and when she has a tizz she likes to control the talking by not talking and blocks the  number or changes the number. ousting the family. well it is no punishment believe me.

so she text and group messages a few of the family members about the demise of the relationship(who cares? and I could have seen that coming}

and I have NO TIME to get involved with her drama reality tv program. and then she has a debate with my mother they keep falling into the same trap again and again and again.....

do we not recognize this?

so she blathers in this group text where we cannot respond to this group text stating so

and then later goes off to a few of us regarding our mother. and then APOLOGIZES for ranting then continues ranting..........

so apologize only if you recognize that you have remorse and the wherewithal to be taking a new route....a route requiring stepping in not your lonely tracks but in ones that are well trodden.

:-)

 

or keep on wolfing

 

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Posted · Report post  

You can always try either. But my first reaction was that you don't have to apologize for being a lone wolf! Maybe they were a "lone wolf" too or "too busy" for you <- that's what my family always says. I'm the "lone wolf."

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Lol thanks bristlecone and lifedream777!!  Totally appreciate where you are both coming from 😄 And Thanks for reminding me that its okay to be a lone wolf! 

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I understand the desire - the need - to apologize, but one of the steps toward healing might be in accepting all parts of yourself and letting that need go. You are ok as you are or were. Even when our behavior is not as we'd like it to be, we are at our core perfect. And we can change our behavior.  

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12 hours ago, rhyl said:

I understand the desire - the need - to apologize, but one of the steps toward healing might be in accepting all parts of yourself and letting that need go. You are ok as you are or were. Even when our behavior is not as we'd like it to be, we are at our core perfect. And we can change our behavior.  

Thanks, sage cat-lover ☺

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26 minutes ago, bobbiecat said:

Thanks, sage cat-lover ☺

:-)

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I don't think it's at all important to apologize, I've avoided my closest relatives for years, I just can't take it.  If they need help, I'd be there, but I don't want to socialize or get involved with their personal lives and problems because they do not take my advice, even though they were the ones who asked.   Basically, we have our limits as too how much we can take, and it's not our fault.   

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On 8/30/2017 at 0:07 AM, bobbiecat said:
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Now that I am taking medication for my depression that is helping, I want to rebuild relationships with my family and friends. However I feel the need, being a proper person, to apologize for essentially a lifetime of my being a lone wolf. And then this part of me feels like that will put them in an awkward situation and this out relationship, while another feels like I shouldn't have to apologize at all.

Anybody else go through this dilemma? Benefits of apologizing? Not apologizing? 

I have done this with specific friends and relatives - but I apologized for those manifestations of my depression that I know have inconvenienced them and made the relationship difficult.

Most usually, this would be for things like accepting invitations or obligations and then bowing out, owing to my inability to leave the house or unwillingness to face them or the public.  Or for their being unable to plan on counting on me for things, when relying on me would make their lives easier.

These are the things I constantly feel guilty for, and for which I have time to time gone to those people and apologized.  But not a generic apology for having a mental illness.

 

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