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Can't take breakup pain any longer...


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I will try to make a very, very long story as brief as I can. Basically, I was in my first relationship from February - April. It was not very long, but this person (who is also a friend of my relative) pushed the relationship so fast, too quickly than I was comfortable. Given that it was my first relationship, I just took my nerves to be my standard worries and tried to go with it. Until he started ignoring me and acting like I didn't mean anything. Instead of asking what was wrong I internalized it as something that I must have done wrong (he had to pick up our tickets for a show because I couldn't, I was working), so I was trying to think how I could make it up to him. Then suddenly, he was perfectly fine, we had a great night and talked all night, he brought me home and he kept telling me how much he liked me. 

The next morning it was back to him ignoring me. Then, he texted me and told me that two of his ex girlfriends had been in contact with him--they both experienced pregnancies and did not have the children, and were telling him they were having a hard time (which is totally understandable, obviously). So he told me he liked me, but he needed time to be alone. I understood completely. But I was extremely hurt and confused. I felt like I was a rebound. He messaged me two days later (after I had been a wreck the whole weekend) to give me an "update," that he had dealt with the girls and he wanted to be with me. I was so hurt because it was crap. How can someone deal with all that emotionally in two days? So I asked him to talk to me in person, and he told me he has a hard time with communicating face to face. When we met, he would answer me briefly, was not forthcoming, and looked like he couldn't care less. I was so empathetic because of his situation and took him not answering as that he was not dealing with things well, that I feel like I really didn't touch on how he hurt me. So I was done. Since then, he would text me every few weeks. I would answer briefly because I know he'll always be around my friends. I'd keep it pleasant and then let the conversation die. Every three weeks, he'd do it again until he asked me to resume the relationship again about a month ago. I started to finally ignore his messages and I think he got the point now. Another ex of his told my relative that he'd do this frequently - take time to himself, and then try to come back, and also limit intimate communication face to face. 

I feel like I internalized all of this. He dumped me so easily in text message. I was tossed aside, worthless. My empathy was taken for granted. I was so kind and understanding of what his exes and what he was going through. Even when I see him now, I don't want others to feel uncomfortable so I make myself go and act like nothing is wrong. I tried to make everyone comfortable at my own expense. To this day, I don't think he knows how much he hurt me. Even early on after we broke up when I told him I was upset, he would ask me if something else happened, as if this wasn't enough to make me upset. I know he wasn't right for me. I am starting to go on dates and have met a nice guy but I am so scared. Every time a thought of him crosses my mind, the pain just floods back. I feel like it was my fault. I should have stood up for myself when I was been ignored. I let myself be a doormat that the breakup was a shock.  

I am on an antidepressant now and it was working, but I think it stopped now. I am not managing well. If anyone has some words of advice I would appreciate it so much. 

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I can only tell you what worked for me.  First, I too had a disastrous first relationship.  Morbidly horrible, I can't even talk about it.  But what did help me was distance and time.  These two took some of the sting off because I didn't have to see him (he was friends with my brother and kept coming around like I didn't matter anymore and like we were never a couple).  I could even hear him saying, "It's so good to not be in a relationship anymore."  I was dying inside.  Time?  That was the healer.  But while time is going by you've got to shed those tears (cry it out), tears for you, tears for a broken heart, tears that yea, it hurt that I allowed myself to be mistreated when all signs told me he wasn't right for me (I told myself I won't let it happen again).  But give yourself a break honey, we ALL do this, we ALL pick the wrong one.  I wouldn't try dating afterwards even though you want to find someone to be in love with.  I learned I didn't love me and until I do, i'm not dating at all.  I've got too many emotional issues.  I poured myself into working, a new place, books and MUSIC.  I wrote, watched movies and after awhile I didn't feel that hurt anymore.  it did take awhile.  I hope you have friends to lean on.  I didn't.  And I hope my reply to you is kind, helpful in some way.  I do know what a broken heart feels like.  If the pain is unbearable, talk to a therapist.  And Be kind to yourself.  --Heather

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It was not your fault, Weareinfinite !  I'm so sorry this happened to you !

Hopefully you will find this site as helpful as I have.  You have been through so much.  I wish I knew what to say to help.   I do want to welcome you to the Forums.  I'm hoping that things will work out for the best for you.  You deserve better from life!  - epictetus

 

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Thank you all for the support!

I will try to write, I used to do it a lot when I was younger. I've been seeing a therapist already and it is helping. It's just odd because whenever I think it's getting better, on random days I get hit with waves of tears that just really don't stop. I know I'm not the first person to date someone like this and life goes on, but I never imagined it to be so difficult. I'm going to the gym, seeing my friends, working hard, and pursuing my hobbies, but none of it brings me much pleasure, and I know that's the depression. I hope I can get the medication sorted out too. 

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