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Ditching The Therapist


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I am currently seeing a therapist [no meds] for a variety of issues, including Co-Dependency, Depression, and dealing with the feeling that it doesn't matter what I do or try, things won't work out. I know that some therapist are good, some are bad, and sometimes the chemistry makes or breaks it. But sometimes I get the sense that he's on the edge of insulting me, or maybe he's full of crap.

A Brief History: I've been CODA my entire life, and have recently realized this. I was also abused by my now ex-wife. Most recently, in late 2013, I was scammed by a "friend" on Facebook who said she had cancer. She provided just enough "evidence" to make it believable. I was the White Knight who was going to rescue her, after she cried and begged for her life. Nobody loved her, she had no insurance, no money, her friends were only offering "prayers." I jumped in all the way.

This went on for about 8-9 months, before the charade fell apart, and I came to the horrified conclusion that she was lying to me, and was really just your run-of-the-mill junkie. By the time the dust had settled, I lost $30,000. If I consider the loans that I had to pay back, it's closer to $40,000. But that's the easy part. Even worse, this happened on Facebook in front of EVERYONE. That is, everyone I ever went to school or college with, everyone I had ever worked with, everyone I was "friends" with now, and current co-workers. Some attacked me, believing rumors that I was profiting from it, and that she and I were partners in crime. I also lost my apartment, lost my job, and became unemployable. I effectively destroyed my life.

The First Therapist: Before I lost my job, I had decent insurance and found a therapist. We talked about emotional manipulation and "gaslighting." For the longest time, I felt stupid because I got taken for a ride, like an old man would. It took several sessions, but the therapist got me to realize that she was a professional, and that I was emotionally manipulated. Fine, until the insurance went away after I lost my job.

Issues Surface: During this time, I start to feel as if there is nothing I can say or do that will make a difference. Someone called it "Learned Helplessness." I also figured out that my Co-Dependency played a major role. I spent months trying to heal myself, but my insurance post-employment wasn't good enough. After the end of the year, I got State insurance, and was then able to find a therapist.

My Current Therapist: I told him my story, about how I got emotionally manipulated. At one point, I mentioned "gaslighting," and he got this look of surprise on his face, stating that he'd never heard of that before. At that point, a red flag came up, and I wondered if maybe this guy was not qualified to deal with my issues. I was about to tell him that I was done, but then he suggested an IQ test. I'd never had one before, and I was curious, so I agreed to it. Then he said, "I mean, you don't APPEAR to be Autistic, mentally ********, or otherwise impaired, so I'm curious to know what's going on, and why you were so easily scammed by this person."

Really? I thought that I was clear about the emotional manipulation.

I took the test, and the results were fine. Above average intelligence. Whatever. That and three bucks will get me a Coke. We spent one session talking about the results, and got about half way through. I read ahead, so now the rest of the results are a total cliff-hanger for me. For that reason, I have to go back. I suppose the overall results of the test will determine whether or not I want to continue with this therapist.

I do not feel like my Co-Dependency is getting addressed, or maybe he's working up to it. I've already felt insulted by his suggestion that maybe I got ripped off because I'm stupid.

I'm trying to stay aware and be careful, because I think it possible that this therapist could engage in a form of gaslighting that makes me think something that isn't really going on.

My questions to you: Have you ever dumped a therapist before? Why? How did you do it?

And, do you think that I should dump this therapist, or stick it out and remain cautious?

I really want to know what you all think about this, because I'm feeling a great deal of anxiety about it.

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Do you have enough evidence to sue this person from FB? Did you know her live? How far away she lived from you? Did you have a crush on her?

I think what your therapist did was wrong. Why IQ test? They are supposed to "read" the person and base their decision on his intelligence in other ways and continue the therapy regardless. Just the fact that you seek help for manipulation is a sign that you are not stupid. If it was me I would change this therapist and find another one and add this that your current therapist made you think you are stupid and got you feel worse . On the other hand maybe the therapist thinks you are too smart, but again why IQ? Maybe, just MAYBE some therapists do that but IMO it is senseless. They never ask people for hire to do IQ in any jobs. I never saw a counselor or therapist yet but my brother had one and he fired her after she told him "you are limping when you walk". He doesn't limp she got it all wrong.

The gas-light is a good way to describe your situation. I would still ask that therapist why did he order IQ and why the expression gas lighting didn't make sense to him? Maybe he still didn't mean that you are stupid if he gives you a good explanation. Every one is different tho.

 

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4 hours ago, ChilledXbox said:

Do we have a cyber Law? I think the only thing you do is to block his FB or you will take a break in FB. As you know, sooo much negativity there.

What cyber law. Criminal activities online count as in real life. I wouldn't close the account, I would go after this fraud lady and sue for the money and emotional pain. 

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I don't think the therapist meant to imply you're stupid, most likely he just wanted to get more insight into who you are. Taking an IQ test is a bit strange though... By the way, research has actually shown that it's easier to defraud highly intelligent people than average or stupid people, reason being that intelligent people tend to trust their own judgment and ignore the warning signs whereas people who aren't as smart tend to listen to other people's advice/warnings making it easier to identify a scam. FYI, people on the autism spectrum aren't stupid, many high-functioning people with Aspergers are extremely intelligent and would ace an IQ test but they tend to lack good judgment and insight when it comes to people so they're fairly easy to manipulate.

Don't even bother trying to sue her, it's pointless and you'll be throwing good money after bad. The money is already gone and considering that she's a junkie she'll never have enough money to collect from her even if you do get a judgement. For all you know she may decide to get revenge if you do, be it accusing you of rape or having a junkie friend (or some white knight wanting to F her) beat the daylights out of you, people who have nothing to lose, particularly if they're on drugs, can be dangerous. I have some friends who are in bad circles and trust me, they don't care about the law and they'll take things into their own hand if they feel slighted even if they started it. 

About your therapist though, yes, if it's possible you should see someone else. You two had a rocky start and there doesn't seem to be a lot of trust or respect, this isn't going to work. 

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1 hour ago, lonelyforeigner said:

 

Don't even bother trying to sue her, it's pointless and you'll be throwing good money after bad. The money is already gone and considering that she's a junkie she'll never have enough money to collect from her even if you do get a judgement. For all you know she may decide to get revenge if you do, be it accusing you of rape or having a junkie friend (or some white knight wanting to F her) beat the daylights out of you, people who have nothing to lose, particularly if they're on drugs, can be dangerous. I have some friends who are in bad circles and trust me, they don't care about the law and they'll take things into their own hand if they feel slighted even if they started it. 

You seem to have some kind of paranoia or fear of drug dealers. You are correct that it may be dangerous if we are talking about an organized gang but the OP never mentioned something like that. If she has no money to pay back she may end up behind bars. We are talking about 30-40 K and that is some peoples 2 years salary. But the OP knows his situation the best and has his therapists to suggest whether he should see a lawyer or not. And you should know that  the loser pays lawyer fees too (in some places anyway)

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19 minutes ago, Zagor said:

You seem to have some kind of paranoia or fear of drug dealers. You are correct that it may be dangerous if we are talking about an organized gang but the OP never mentioned something like that. If she has no money to pay back she may end up behind bars. We are talking about 30-40 K and that is some peoples 2 years salary. But the OP knows his situation the best and has his therapists to suggest whether he should see a lawyer or not. And you should know that  the loser pays lawyer fees too (in some places anyway)

You have way too much faith in the legal system, it's one thing to rip off a bank, another to rip off a friend. I don't have paranoia, just saying that people who have nothing to lose and feel threatened aren't exactly unlikely to lash out, even more so if they're worried about going to jail. I know that the loser pays the fee in the US, IF they have money. You can't collect from someone who doesn't have anything/falls below poverty level no matter what the judgment says (unless it's child support or taxes of course).

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2 minutes ago, lonelyforeigner said:

You have way too much faith in the legal system, it's one thing to rip off a bank, another to rip off a friend. I don't have paranoia, just saying that people who have nothing to lose and feel threatened aren't exactly unlikely to lash out, even more so if they're worried about going to jail. I know that the loser pays the fee in the US, IF they have money. You can't collect from someone who doesn't have anything/falls below poverty level no matter what the judgment says (unless it's child support or taxes of course).

Maybe she is not a junkie after all. I do have faith in criminal legal system (unlike family law). It makes sense that the thief go to jail. The man lost his money, job, apartment and if I was him I would definitely sue her. I'm not giving him a legal advice I just say what I would do and brought it up as an option for him but I believe he knows his options.

BTW, some 10 years ago I had paranoia and in a case like this I would have no guts to sue but now I'm different. I didn't mean to offend you when I said that you have paranoia, it just seemed so based on your saying.

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8 minutes ago, Zagor said:

Maybe she is not a junkie after all. I do have faith in criminal legal system (unlike family law). It makes sense that the thief go to jail. The man lost his money, job, apartment and if I was him I would definitely sue her. I'm not giving him a legal advice I just say what I would do and brought it up as an option for him but I believe he knows his options.

BTW, some 10 years ago I had paranoia and in a case like this I would have no guts to sue but now I'm different. I didn't mean to offend you when I said that you have paranoia, it just seemed so based on your saying.

You're right, if she's not a junkie after all then it would be worthwhile. 

Sorry that happened to you. I'm in the same situation now with a "friend" owing me 10K but here in Europe lawyers want money upfront if you sue someone and collecting from someone who makes minimum wage (+ money under the table) is impossible so other than trying to stress her out to get even it would just be a waste of money and time. Family/friends and money just don't mix, it rarely goes unpunished, lol. 

Edited by lonelyforeigner
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