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Gigi511

Relocation depression...will it ever go away?

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I'm brand new to this website. I feel like writing down my feelings really helps and getting answers from people that have experienced similar situations is tremendous in moving forward, so my hope and prayer is that writing this and hearing from people will get me over this mountain. My husband and 3 of my children (I have 6 total) and our 1 child together have been in Delaware our whole lives with the exception of me living in Albuquerque for a few years when I was younger and in Germany for a year in my previous marriage. My oldest daughter is getting married and has 2 girls and they live in Delaware. My oldest son is living in Baltimore with his girlfriend while he goes to college. My second daughter just graduated high school and wants to join the Air Force and is still in Delaware.  I never particularly cared for Delaware, I hated how boring it was with nothing to do. There weren't restaurants or any outdoor activities except the beach. I do have a 93 year old grandfather, 2 brothers (1 is in DE and the other outside Baltimore) and aunts, uncles, and cousins that live there. I also had a good job as a nurse. I had a lot of friends and enjoyed what I did. My mom and stepdad moved back to the Portland, OR area 2 years ago. My mom is from the Baltimore area and doesn't like the east coast, but had lived in DE to help me out since 2012. I begged her to stay in DE but my stepdad was offered a job at a place where he used to work in Portland. I had been talking about moving to the Portland area or somewhere on the west coast to be near my mom ever since she left. Just this past winter my husband started talking about moving to Portland as well (huge sacrifice since all his family is in Delaware). He was getting tired of commuting 70 miles each way to work 5 days a week. We were very excited about our move. We finally made the move at the end of June. We have been out here since July 5. I got a job and just started this week and my husband has enough saved up where he feels comfortable being at home with our son and my special needs adult son. My 16 year old daughter starts her junior year of high school next week. Everyone has acclimated pretty well, but me. I cry at random times. I miss my kids back on the east coast and I even miss Delaware. My 19yo daughter flew out for two weeks a couple weeks after we go here and that threw me into even worse depression (she was actually supposed to move with us and changed her mind a few weeks prior). All I do is think about going home to delaware. I think about how long it will take me to drive home and if I just go over to the airport and get on a plane I'll be in Baltimore...and near my kids. I have a history of ADHD and anxiety and maybe that's a part of my problem. I haven't had my vyvanse in a few weeks bc I don't have insurance yet. I didn't ever feel depressed in my past. Sometimes during my period I get sad but this is horrible. I came home from work today and have been crying ever since. My kids on the east coast are trying to console me and I feel too sad. 

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