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GAJ123

How is it even possible to not be bitter or insecure in my position?

380 posts in this topic

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I think a big part of the reason why I never want to go on dates or meet women when I get the chance is due to insecurities & worries outside of my obvious health issues. I always constantly think if I meet them they're going to ask me hard hitting questions about my dating history & other things & I wouldn't know how to answer them. Also, I get extremely bitter over this when I have deep thoughts about it I just get extremely angry to the point where I sometimes have urges to want to literally break things. I never do but I do get extremely p***** off about it. It makes me really angry that I'm the age I'm at & never been with anyone. I just don't know how it's even possible to be secure with myself & confident when I never even been on a single date in my life at almost 32 years old due to all my problems. What makes it horrible is that confidence is one of the main things women like in a guy & insecurity is a turn off but it's like how is it even possible to be confident & secure in my position? I'm in probably one of the worst positions out there for any guy that wishes he could be with someone. 

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If you don't mind me asking, what exactly are the health problems? You don't have to answer if you don't want to, but knowing more details might help give more insight.

There are many women are are very empathetic and don't judge like that. True there are many, many, many judgmental people and sometimes sweet people change into judgy people, but there will always be nice ones out there as well. I've a male friend who is near your age who has never had a single date in his life, let alone a girlfriend. He's a perfectly normal nice guy, just a tad shy and hasn't met the right person I suppose. 

Yes women like confidence,but you can be insecure and still attract women as long as you don't go on and on about your insecruties 24/7. Many guys I've known who are insecure complain endlessly about how they don't get girls etc.. that in itself is a turn off and makes them look desperate. But telling someone once or twice that you feel insecure or shy and haven't gotten girls isn't so bad. You an be honest and open, just don't overdo it like so many guys do. Talk about things other than that, make conversation, and pretty soon you're realize that everyone is insecure and not being ultra confident isn't always a doom for meeting women. 

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8 hours ago, Chubbybunny89 said:

Yes women like confidence,but you can be insecure and still attract women as long as you don't go on and on about your insecruties 24/7. Many guys I've known who are insecure complain endlessly about how they don't get girls etc.. that in itself is a turn off and makes them look desperate. But telling someone once or twice that you feel insecure or shy and haven't gotten girls isn't so bad. You an be honest and open, just don't overdo it like so many guys do.

That's some really solid advice right there! Accept your insecurities but don't let them define you, don't take on the victim role which is far less attractive than insecurity. Sure, being confident would make life a lot easier but you gotta work with what you have and once you have some successes your confidence will grow naturally.

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Try socializing in a non-threatening environment - i.e. clubs, groups, classes.   This would make it easier to have conversations with people, including women.  Don't discount taking baby steps until you feel more confident with yourself.  Yoga, the "hatha" physical kind, is a good way to exercise, it relieves stress, and usually there are more women than men in these classes.  Everybody's got problems, but with work on yourself, you can still have a worthwhile life.  Good luck!  

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On 8/14/2017 at 8:03 PM, Chubbybunny89 said:

If you don't mind me asking, what exactly are the health problems? You don't have to answer if you don't want to, but knowing more details might help give more insight.

There are many women are are very empathetic and don't judge like that. True there are many, many, many judgmental people and sometimes sweet people change into judgy people, but there will always be nice ones out there as well. I've a male friend who is near your age who has never had a single date in his life, let alone a girlfriend. He's a perfectly normal nice guy, just a tad shy and hasn't met the right person I suppose. 

Yes women like confidence,but you can be insecure and still attract women as long as you don't go on and on about your insecruties 24/7. Many guys I've known who are insecure complain endlessly about how they don't get girls etc.. that in itself is a turn off and makes them look desperate. But telling someone once or twice that you feel insecure or shy and haven't gotten girls isn't so bad. You an be honest and open, just don't overdo it like so many guys do. Talk about things other than that, make conversation, and pretty soon you're realize that everyone is insecure and not being ultra confident isn't always a doom for meeting women. 

Some sort of nerve issue with my jaw/facial muscles or something. I still don't know after years what the precise issue is since I've been to dozens of doctors yet no one has helped me so I'm just stuck with this health issue that just doesn't go away. I'm not as bad as I was at one point with it but I'm still having some bad symptoms with it. I can't even take anti-depressants since this issue started due to how bizarre I feel while on them. I seriously thought I was going to have to be sent to the emergency room the one time due to how really weird I felt. 

And I just don't know anymore. I just don't feel I can have any sort of healthy relationship with the way I am so I'm stuck alone regardless of whether I want to or not. It's just holding me back so bad. It's leaving me feeling angry & bitter at times. The other night I was an extremely p***** off & bitter mood over it where I had some pretty messed up thoughts about things. Being alone your entire life can really destroy you & people don't realize it & just want to make fun of older virgins & other things. The movie the 40 Year Old Virgin almost isn't even funny anymore since it can psychologically affect you if you've never been with anyone past a certain age. 

Also, whenever I've told any woman that I haven't been with anyone they just start to wonder why. Some were fine though to be fair while others were turned off or would make jokes to me about it. It just sucks that I'll never have a relationship at this rate due to how screwed up I am. 

Edited by GAJ123

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6 hours ago, GAJ123 said:

Also, whenever I've told any woman that I haven't been with anyone they just start to wonder why. Some were fine though to be fair while others were turned off or would make jokes to me about it. It just sucks that I'll never have a relationship at this rate due to how screwed up I am. 

At this point you're choosing to be single, your last online dating attempt proved that you could find one if you really wanted to! The problem is that you have this idea in your head that a woman has to fall madly in love with you at first sight while also meeting your long list of requirements. Instead of letting things develop naturally you want your first relationship to be the love of your life and you have this warped perception that you have to fulfill every item on her wishlist or she would be "settling" in which case you immediately dismiss any possibility for love to develop. 

It's not your health issues, height, or financial situation that's keeping you from dating, it's your attitude. Yes you have some real challenges to overcome and given your situation your dating pool is limited but it's still possible to find someone if you give them a chance!

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10 hours ago, lonelyforeigner said:

At this point you're choosing to be single, your last online dating attempt proved that you could find one if you really wanted to! The problem is that you have this idea in your head that a woman has to fall madly in love with you at first sight while also meeting your long list of requirements. Instead of letting things develop naturally you want your first relationship to be the love of your life and you have this warped perception that you have to fulfill every item on her wishlist or she would be "settling" in which case you immediately dismiss any possibility for love to develop. 

It's not your health issues, height, or financial situation that's keeping you from dating, it's your attitude. Yes you have some real challenges to overcome and given your situation your dating pool is limited but it's still possible to find someone if you give them a chance!

Possibly, I get paranoid at times thinking that she's just not that interested. I'm actually still on online dating but until past few days or so again was just not even bothering with it much. There's some girl I've been talking to past few days but she sometimes takes up to a day to reply back so it's just like whatever. I asked for her number on the first day we chatted & she thought it was a bit too soon to give it out. I just don't know anymore though. I feel being single my entire life messed up my perception of everything. My mind still thinks about the sexual aspect a lot when I'm talking to women. Sometimes I'm confused whether I just want to possibly get laid or want a full relationship. I just wish I could have had some sort of experience awhile ago instead of my mind being screwed up with everything. It's made me more insecure & bitter about things than I should be at this point in my life. It stings knowing there's people literally buying houses & getting married at my age or even a few years before my current age while I've never even had a relationship or been on a date. It messes with my mind when I think deeply about it. I can just try not to let it get to me but it always comes back no matter what. Playing video games only helped for so long until it's like my mind just started thinking about this all over again. It doesn't just go away. 

And I know it's not my height or finances that are hurting me, but my health issues definitely are. There's times where I feel like I literally can't even talk. At work the other day I was feeling depressed & was like staring into space or something & a co-worker was asking if I was alright & I was just lying of course & said yeah. 

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20 hours ago, GAJ123 said:

Also, whenever I've told any woman that I haven't been with anyone they just start to wonder why. Some were fine though to be fair while others were turned off or would make jokes to me about it. It just sucks that I'll never have a relationship at this rate due to how screwed up I am. 

If a woman reacts like that then she's a jerkoff and definitely not the kind of person you'd want to be in a relationship with. It's like the kind of men who body shame women and talk about big girls being cows- there are many of them, but I don't care their opinion because that's not the type of person I would want to date. Strive to date someone understanding and kind. Sex is important, but it's not the only thing in a relationship and there are people who are fine with it, and believe it or not there are old women virgins too. My current boyfriend was my first and I'm 28. 

As for anger and such, therapy may help. You can always start with female friends too. By surrounded yourself with female friends you will understand girls more,and they can also network, if you will, for you and set you up with their single friends, or maybe something will start with one of them.

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6 hours ago, Chubbybunny89 said:

If a woman reacts like that then she's a jerkoff and definitely not the kind of person you'd want to be in a relationship with. It's like the kind of men who body shame women and talk about big girls being cows- there are many of them, but I don't care their opinion because that's not the type of person I would want to date. Strive to date someone understanding and kind. Sex is important, but it's not the only thing in a relationship and there are people who are fine with it, and believe it or not there are old women virgins too. My current boyfriend was my first and I'm 28. 

As for anger and such, therapy may help. You can always start with female friends too. By surrounded yourself with female friends you will understand girls more,and they can also network, if you will, for you and set you up with their single friends, or maybe something will start with one of them.

True, I just feel even if I do find someone it wouldn't last due to my current life predicament. I have health issues, make little money, not much life experience, & never had sex or a relationship at going on 32 years old. It's pretty sad. I feel I messed up by not caring about a relationship during the pre social media days. It would have at least been a bit easier maybe before, now due to all the attention a lot of women get their standards have risen enormously. Now I missed my window especially with all my issues & a lot of women being more picky than ever with who they want to be with. It just sucks. And I'm not settling for someone I'm not attracted to or comfortable with since what's the point. 

I do see a psychiatrist but they don't really help me. Therapy can't help for health issues out of my control. I told her about my issue & she said  to see my primary doctor about it. I don't blame her though since it's not in her field for different health issues that don't involve the mind. I just feel like time is passing by & yet I still struggle with all this stuff. 

Edited by GAJ123

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GAJ123,

Thank you for posting.  This is a very interesting topic and a growing concern for more people than you may think.  I think there are a few things happening here.  Many men and women your age and older have avoided dating altogether for the pursuit of online gaming and socializing.  I hear about it all the time, so don't think for a minute you have the monopoly on virginity.  And by the way,  because you are as aware as you are and have been through so much in life, the act of intercourse may actually solidify you and your partner for life...you just never know.

IMHO you're being abusive with yourself and you deserve better.  You're obviously a smart man.  Your anger is probably due to the frustration you feel over your suffering the notion that this is a hopeless situation.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 Here's what women want:

Integrity, trustworthiness, kindness, protection, compassion, the ability to be made to feel beautiful and to feel listened to.  There's some other stuff in there, like the ability to allow her to make the final decisions regarding what color to paint the walls, but you get the idea.  Women, and I'm one of them, are actually very cool.  We love deeply, enjoy laughing, and we like connecting on deep levels.  We are gabby, so let us talk and show us you're amused.  Remember, when you deal with illness and depression, it often cultivates a compassionate soul.  Use it to your advantage.  I believe in you.  :hugs:

 

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13 hours ago, Debbers said:

GAJ123,

Thank you for posting.  This is a very interesting topic and a growing concern for more people than you may think.  I think there are a few things happening here.  Many men and women your age and older have avoided dating altogether for the pursuit of online gaming and socializing.  I hear about it all the time, so don't think for a minute you have the monopoly on virginity.  And by the way,  because you are as aware as you are and have been through so much in life, the act of intercourse may actually solidify you and your partner for life...you just never know.

IMHO you're being abusive with yourself and you deserve better.  You're obviously a smart man.  Your anger is probably due to the frustration you feel over your suffering the notion that this is a hopeless situation.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 Here's what women want:

Integrity, trustworthiness, kindness, protection, compassion, the ability to be made to feel beautiful and to feel listened to.  There's some other stuff in there, like the ability to allow her to make the final decisions regarding what color to paint the walls, but you get the idea.  Women, and I'm one of them, are actually very cool.  We love deeply, enjoy laughing, and we like connecting on deep levels.  We are gabby, so let us talk and show us you're amused.  Remember, when you deal with illness and depression, it often cultivates a compassionate soul.  Use it to your advantage.  I believe in you.  :hugs:

 

Thanks, I just don't see any hope for myself at this point though. If I would have been with someone it would have happened by now. Now I have a bunch of health issues to deal with that I never see anything happening for me at this point. I just feel like I'll never meet anyone I'll actually want to be with. 

And yes I get really angry when I have deep thoughts about this stuff. I sometimes have the urge to just smash things against the wall due to how angry I get thinking about this. There's literally people years younger than me that own houses & are getting married/are married yet I have a low wage job, never even been on a date, had sex or a relationship & dealing with health problems. It's just extremely difficult not to be bitter about this stuff. My life is just passing me by while everyone around me gets to just breeze through life having relationships, sex, good jobs & whatever else. It's just a joke at this point to me. 

And I think a lot of women are cool, just it seems a lot of the good ones get taken right away. Like some have said in here I likely have maybe a bit high standards even with my situation it's just I can't be with someone I wouldn't be happy with. A lot of people tell me to just try to go on dates with women I don't have any attraction to at all but I just feel I can't do that. I would feel too guilty & just wouldn't feel right in general about it. 

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On 8/16/2017 at 9:49 PM, GAJ123 said:

True, I just feel even if I do find someone it wouldn't last due to my current life predicament. I have health issues, make little money, not much life experience, & never had sex or a relationship at going on 32 years old. It's pretty sad. I feel I messed up by not caring about a relationship during the pre social media days. It would have at least been a bit easier maybe before, now due to all the attention a lot of women get their standards have risen enormously. Now I missed my window especially with all my issues & a lot of women being more picky than ever with who they want to be with. It just sucks. And I'm not settling for someone I'm not attracted to or comfortable with since what's the point. 

I do see a psychiatrist but they don't really help me. Therapy can't help for health issues out of my control. I told her about my issue & she said  to see my primary doctor about it. I don't blame her though since it's not in her field for different health issues that don't involve the mind. I just feel like time is passing by & yet I still struggle with all this stuff. 

To be frank, a relationship isn't what the movies, and Facebook posts show it to be. I would switch places with you simply based off that you have a stable job-which is the major pain of my life right now. And on top of it, many times relationships can be a hassle, a pain or even dangerous if you end up in an abusive one. 

What is that you feel bad about exactly? Is it really what you want or is it what you feel society tells you you should want ( having sex, girlfriend, love etc..)  

Ask yourself this-If it wasn't a big deal in society to have a partner or to be a virgin, would you care as much?

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17 hours ago, GAJ123 said:

Thanks, I just don't see any hope for myself at this point though. If I would have been with someone it would have happened by now. Now I have a bunch of health issues to deal with that I never see anything happening for me at this point. I just feel like I'll never meet anyone I'll actually want to be with. 

And yes I get really angry when I have deep thoughts about this stuff. I sometimes have the urge to just smash things against the wall due to how angry I get thinking about this. There's literally people years younger than me that own houses & are getting married/are married yet I have a low wage job, never even been on a date, had sex or a relationship & dealing with health problems. It's just extremely difficult not to be bitter about this stuff. My life is just passing me by while everyone around me gets to just breeze through life having relationships, sex, good jobs & whatever else. It's just a joke at this point to me. 

And I think a lot of women are cool, just it seems a lot of the good ones get taken right away. Like some have said in here I likely have maybe a bit high standards even with my situation it's just I can't be with someone I wouldn't be happy with. A lot of people tell me to just try to go on dates with women I don't have any attraction to at all but I just feel I can't do that. I would feel too guilty & just wouldn't feel right in general about it. 

Thanks too, GAJ123, for your response.  I've been thinking a lot about what you're going through.  Since your facial problem has not yet been sorted out, I would think that will need to be the first item to attack.  You have been to many doctors and had no results.  I think it would be wise to get an advocate from a Medical University to help get you into the right hands.  Medical Universities are likely to want to help you at low or no cost.  There can be a wait, however, so you would need to get on the first come, first served list.                                                                                                                                                                

Speaking for myself, when I'm depressed, I can not seem to sort out issues one at a time, rather I ruminate over the whole life list and become more and more overwhelmed.  When I'm able to choose one item to sort out, it is very helpful in helping me to get a handle on things, so I'm suggesting that we focus on your medical need and move forward from there, one item at a time.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        As for virginity issues, I haven't forgotten.  I've actually been do some studying about it and have some ideas brewing, but we have to tackle your health issues first.  As I see it, you need and deserve to have people around you, promoting you, helping you to be at your very best.  That's where you have to really get that you're worth it and we know you are.  I know you're worth it.  And I care.  

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33 minutes ago, Chubbybunny89 said:

To be frank, a relationship isn't what the movies, and Facebook posts show it to be. I would switch places with you simply based off that you have a stable job-which is the major pain of my life right now. And on top of it, many times relationships can be a hassle, a pain or even dangerous if you end up in an abusive one. 

What is that you feel bad about exactly? Is it really what you want or is it what you feel society tells you you should want ( having sex, girlfriend, love etc..)  

Ask yourself this-If it wasn't a big deal in society to have a partner or to be a virgin, would you care as much?

I have a stable job but it's low wage & it's not full time. I don't even know how much longer I'll be able to stay due to my health issues. And I get that, for me it's either the relationship is healthy or I don't want to be in one. 

I just feel like I'm missing out. Like there's a huge void in my life where I see everyone around me in relationships & enjoying life while I'm just stuck never being with anyone & having all these problems. I feel I'm missing out since I'm only just going to get older & older. It's like one year turns into 2 years than by the time I know it 5 or 10 years have gone by & I'm still in this same predicament. I don't want to be a 40 year old that's never had sex or been in a relationship before.

And I would since I don't want to be a middle aged man with no relationship before. It's bad enough as it is now at my current age, but the vast majority of women would absolutely not date a 40 something year old guy that's never been with anyone. I feel I still maybe have somewhat of a chance now compared to 5 or 10 years from now when it'll be completely over for me. 

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25 minutes ago, Debbers said:

Thanks too, GAJ123, for your response.  I've been thinking a lot about what you're going through.  Since your facial problem has not yet been sorted out, I would think that will need to be the first item to attack.  You have been to many doctors and had no results.  I think it would be wise to get an advocate from a Medical University to help get you into the right hands.  Medical Universities are likely to want to help you at low or no cost.  There can be a wait, however, so you would need to get on the first come, first served list.                                                                                                                                                                

Speaking for myself, when I'm depressed, I can not seem to sort out issues one at a time, rather I ruminate over the whole life list and become more and more overwhelmed.  When I'm able to choose one item to sort out, it is very helpful in helping me to get a handle on things, so I'm suggesting that we focus on your medical need and move forward from there, one item at a time.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        As for virginity issues, I haven't forgotten.  I've actually been do some studying about it and have some ideas brewing, but we have to tackle your health issues first.  As I see it, you need and deserve to have people around you, promoting you, helping you to be at your very best.  That's where you have to really get that you're worth it and we know you are.  I know you're worth it.  And I care.  

I guess I can look into that but I'm just so tired of having to see more people than being told there's nothing wrong with me. My previous doctor flat out said I need counseling over this thinking there was nothing wrong with me. I have a new doctor now but he hasn't been able to help me. He told me to just take tylenol for the the headaches I sometimes get with this issue. I'm almost sure the issue is a TMJ muscle related issue with my face but doctors haven't been able to help me find out what the precise issue is. It's the most bizarre thing I've ever been through in my life. When this first started I literally thought I was dying every single day. I wanted to check myself into a hospital due to the frightening symptoms but I was too scared to ever go. My symptoms have eased up over the years but I still get some symptoms yet that bother me. 

I feel for me I struggle with really bad intrusive thoughts on top of depression as well as these other health issues on top of that. It's likely Pure O OCD that I have since I get the worst thoughts you can imagine at times that are out of my control. I just hate my life since I have so many issues to deal with. I don't even know how I'm still alive to be honest. 

And the thing is if my health issues never go away than what? Am I supposed to be stuck being a virgin my entire life? It's a double edged sword where it's like my health issues need to be fixed but if they never go away than what do I do? And thanks, I appreciate it that you care. I just want to have a normal life again. Never could I imagine when I was a young kid that my life would turn into the nightmarish hell that it is now. It's like night & day from where I was as a kid compared to now. I don't even know how I wound up in this position. I guess one thing led to another & it just all built up over time now I'm stuck in some position I feel I have no escape from.

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Women have broken me. I just get too angry over this stuff. Unfortunately I'm going to lead a very bitter existence since nothing ever will change for me. I just wish I could have had a relationship earlier on so I wouldn't be so bitter & angry over this now later in life. It's impossible not to be p***** off over it. I'm just sick of this. All of my issues have just turned me into a bitter & angry person. There's no way out of this at this point. It's like if I know the day ahead is going to be the same bulls*** what's the point? How is it even possible to not be bitter in my situation? Day after day after day after day the same thing over & over & over & over & over again. Nothing changes. 

Edited by GAJ123

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A lot of women have posted on your threads trying to help you. You're just passing the buck, easier to blame women than confront your inner demons isn't it.

Edited by Ba3inga

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20 minutes ago, Ba3inga said:

A lot of women have posted on your threads trying to help you. You're just passing the buck, easier to blame women than confront your inner demons isn't it.

If my issues don't go away than I can't be with anyone. I'm just completely bitter to the point of no return at this point I feel. People give me advice but if health issues plague me how do I even date or be able to have a healthy relationship? Any desirable woman is going to want someone that has way more to offer than me so what's the point? I'm not physically unattractive or anything but it still leads me nowhere. A lot of women want the guy with a good job, good social circle, outgoing personality & whatever else that I don't have. I'm sick of people telling me to date women I have no attraction to. I don't want to do that, I'd rather be alone over doing that. 

Edited by GAJ123

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13 minutes ago, GAJ123 said:

If my issues don't go away than I can't be with anyone. I'm just completely bitter to the point of no return at this point I feel. People give me advice but if health issues plague me how do I even date or be able to have a healthy relationship? Any desirable woman is going to want someone that has way more to offer than me so what's the point? I'm not physically unattractive or anything but it still leads me nowhere. A lot of women want the guy with a good job, good social circle, outgoing personality & whatever else that I don't have. I'm sick of people telling me to date women I have no attraction to. I don't want to do that, I'd rather be alone over doing that. 

At no point does it give you the right to state women have broken you. You don't want to do anything to get a date, you always have an excuse, you put every obstacle you can in its place, you clearly don't want to date, you just want to moan and blame women. At least be honest about it.

Edited by Ba3inga

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12 minutes ago, Ba3inga said:

At no point does it give you the right to state women have broken you. You don't want to do anything to get a date, you always have an excuse, you put every obstacle you can in its place, you clearly don't want to date, you just want to moan and blame women. At least be honest about it.

No, I don't want to blame women but it just seems a lot of women today don't want to give anyone a chance. Just go on dating websites & even Youtube & see comments from literally millions of guys saying how no one gives them a chance. Most of the women I could have had dates with I knew I wouldn't of wanted a relationship with them anyway. My options for an actual relationship are basically with women I have no attraction to or possibly single moms. Not that there's anything wrong with a single mom it's just I have no interest in them. I just feel people say stuff just to try to make me feel better when deep down they know there's no hope. I want to date but I have a bunch of things I'm dealing with. I don't know how to force myself to do it or even get a chance with women I like. It's leaving me feeling very angry. I don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore. 

Edited by GAJ123

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11 minutes ago, GAJ123 said:

No, I don't want to blame women but it just seems a lot of women today don't want to give anyone a chance. Just go on dating websites & even Youtube & see comments from literally millions of guys saying how no one gives them a chance. Most of the women I could have had dates with I knew I wouldn't of wanted a relationship with them anyway. My options for an actual relationship are basically with women I have no attraction to or possibly single moms. Not that there's anything wrong with a single mom it's just I have no interest in them. I just feel people say stuff just to try to make me feel better when deep down they know there's no hope. I want to date but I have a bunch of things I'm dealing with. I don't know how to force myself to do it or even get a chance with women I like. It's leaving me feeling very angry. I don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore. 

Then don't state women have broken you. Well it's ok for you to not fancy certain types, but not ok for the women you fancy to not like you. I don't think it's your health issues that is holding you back, more your attitude. I don't mean to sound rude, but all you do is moan and feel sorry for yourself, you don't have a nice attitude towards women. You don't seem to take any action, that doesn't sound much fun to be around. If you came across someone like that you wouldn't be interested. They say be the type of person you want to attract. If you're not prepared to, then go back to playing games.

Edited by Ba3inga

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4 minutes ago, Ba3inga said:

Then don't state women have broken you. Well it's ok for you to not fancy certain types, but not ok for the women you fancy to not like you. I don't think it's your health issues that is holding you back, more your attitude. I don't mean to sound rude, but all you do is moan and feel sorry for yourself, you don't have a nice attitude towards women. You don't seem to take any action, that doesn't sound much fun to be around. If you came across someone like that you wouldn't be interested. They say be the type of person you want to attract. If you're not prepared to, then go back to playing games.

Well, how can I be positive when I'm the age I'm at with multiple health issues, never had sex, never had a relationship, while others younger than me had a bunch of relationships, sex, buying houses, great jobs & getting married. It's extremely difficult to not feel like I'm being left behind & not be angry about it. If I would of had a relationship in the past there's no doubt I wouldn't be feeling this way right now. And I don't hate women I just get into these p***** off moods that leave me feeling angry at them though due to never being with anyone. And I get what you're saying about me not liking women that like me & vice versa but it's still very frustrating. The women I find desirable usually want something that I don't have. 

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I have to agree with @Ba3inga here, you're holding women to a completely different standard than you hold yourself. You have the choice:

  • Lower your standards to something that's realistic
  • Seriously work on yourself
  • Accept being alone

You're not willing to pursue any of these options and you get angry at attractive women because they don't come knocking on your door.

Look, I can fully appreciate you not wanting to lower your standards, I myself am in a similar position and am unwilling to, but unlike you I have made peace with the idea of staying single. If you're good looking like you say you are you should still be able to get laid but a relationship will be difficult if not impossible with that attitude so better accept it. None of us are owed a hot girlfriend and women like that certainly aren't going to date us out of pity, it doesn't work that way. You wouldn't date someone out of pity either! 

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1 minute ago, lonelyforeigner said:

I have to agree with @Ba3inga here, you're holding women to a completely different standard than you hold yourself. You have the choice:

  • Lower your standards to something that's realistic
  • Seriously work on yourself
  • Accept being alone

You're not willing to pursue any of these options and you get angry at attractive women because they don't come knocking on your door.

Look, I can fully appreciate you not wanting to lower your standards, I myself am in a similar position and am unwilling to, but unlike you I have made peace with the idea of staying single. If you're good looking like you say you are you should still be able to get laid but a relationship will be difficult if not impossible with that attitude so better accept it. None of us are owed a hot girlfriend and women like that certainly aren't going to date us out of pity, it doesn't work that way. You wouldn't date someone out of pity either! 

Well said LF, l myself could be bitter at what life has thrown at me, and this includes rape, but l lick my wounds then l pick myself back up and l try again. 

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1 minute ago, lonelyforeigner said:

I have to agree with @Ba3inga here, you're holding women to a completely different standard than you hold yourself. You have the choice:

  • Lower your standards to something that's realistic
  • Seriously work on yourself
  • Accept being alone

You're not willing to pursue any of these options and you get angry at attractive women because they don't come knocking on your door.

Look, I can fully appreciate you not wanting to lower your standards, I myself am in a similar position and am unwilling to, but unlike you I have made peace with the idea of staying single. If you're good looking like you say you are you should still be able to get laid but a relationship will be difficult if not impossible with that attitude so better accept it. None of us are owed a hot girlfriend and women like that certainly aren't going to date us out of pity, it doesn't work that way. You wouldn't date someone out of pity either! 

If I lower my standards to women I'm not attracted to than it defeats the entire purpose of being with someone. And I need to work on things, but as I keep referring to my health problems hold me back a lot. I can't even work a full time job at the moment. And if I accept being alone it leads to nothingness. Days will turn into months than months turn into years & by the time I know it I'll be 40 & still single.

And it's because their standards are just ridiculous for a lot of them. People always say there's good attractive women out there, yet all of them want these Chad looking guys that are tall & great jobs & all this other ridiculous nonsense. It's very very difficult to not be angry at that stuff. And women on forums literally make jokes about it to guys that they think aren't in their league. So many people these days are so ***ing cruel. Makes me wish I can live on a deserted island at times away from everyone. 

And if I make peace with being single than where does that leave me though? I played video games for like a month straight everyday trying not to think about this stuff yet it literally left me nowhere since it always comes back to bother me. And most of the time women want casual sex with their ideal physical guy. I'm not bad looking but I'm short & a short guy will never be a woman's ideal guy for casual sex so I'd even have to work extra hard just to get something casual. And I'm not saying I'm owed anything, just the standards of a lot of women leave many guys out there extremely bitter. 

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