Jump to content

I wish I was dead.


tumblr

Recommended Posts

I have a splitting headache right now. Everything and everyone is stressing me out. I'm not suicidal.. I think. However, I spend everyday asking why I was even born- life is such a burden. I always wish something bad would happen to me like I get some illness or something. The fact that I think it's just for attention makes me hate myself more. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm angry, always anxious in public, and all my relationships are unstable- family, friends. I want good relationships but I'm socially inadequate.

Why am I the one that has all the issues? Out of all my siblings- I'm the one with all these mental and physical issues. I'm completely giving up and want to withdraw from everyone. But know I can't cause I'm going to college soon. Everything is just ugh. I'll never be able to be on my own.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I can only tell you that based on what you wrote, I feel several times worse than you. My brother is like 100x worse. I won't go into details but you need to do something about your problems. Get help.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

8 minutes ago, tumblr said:

sry. guess my problems are irrelevant.. I shouldn't have made it bye

Your problems aren't irrelevant, you feel how you feel, there's no shame in that. This isn't a competition about who has it the worst, we all have our own problems and struggle with them. I don't think (hope) that @Who_Cares meant to be insensitive. There is always someone who feels worse, we could have been born into a North Korean prison camp just to face a life of hard labor, torture, starvation and an early death. The fact that some have it worse doesn't invalidate our own feelings and certainly doesn't cheer anyone up, our reality is our own and the suffering is real. 

I know what you mean about feeling like the black sheep of the family. My younger brother has two kids, a decent career and a beautiful loving girlfriend whereas I have been struggling with mental illness all my life, my physical health sucks and I've never managed to find a relationship. I feel left behind when I compare myself to anyone in my family, they're all objectively better than i will ever be. It sucks, but it is what it is. Only advice I can give you is get help early, I waited until my 30s and at that point it's just too difficult to change your thought processes, if you're in your late teens/early twenties there's a good chance therapy can turn things around for you. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I certainly hope who_cares wasn't intending to sound callous, but dude, it kinda felt that way, looking at it from the outside. The "I have it worse" game, while even if well intended, can be dangerous to play as it makes others feel somehow invalidated in their pain. 

 

And tumble, I'm sorry you're going through this. I wish I had some words of good advice. Just know that you aren't alone in the struggle. There are some darn good people here who can relate. 

 

It isn't sexy, and it may not make you feel any better. But sometimes surviving is the best thing you can do. Wishing you the best

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I definitely did not mean that you are irrelevant. In fact, if I could I would help you because I know how you feel. What I meant is that knowing that someone tells you he feels worse than you may be a bit of relief to you but you understood it wrong. Everyone here can help you only with advice such as "go to a doctor" "change meds" "see a therapist" etc but unfortunately none of us can give you or anyone else more than that. We are all in the same boat, some feel worse than others. Stay strong.

 

@lonelyforeigner Since you mentioned being born in North Korean camp, I happen to have a book about a guy who was born there and managed to escape. I haven't read it yet. When I was 12 war started in my homeland. Just when it started I got hit with severe depression, anxiety, phobias and what not. I was 100% certain I was going to lose my mind and i didn't know what was happening to me. There was no doctors available. Only a few years later I started treatment. Maybe some day I will write my story how it happened and what I saw in that war.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...