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Anxiety leading to depression

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Hi, I'm newer here.  I don't really have anyone to talk to in my life right now so I thought I would give this a try.

I am in my 30's.  I have a long history and family history of struggling with depression.  I take Wellbutrin which helps most days.  I work in mental health in a higher level role so there is a lot of stress with my job.  Lately it is getting to me.  I'm feeling the burnout that is so well known for people in the field.  Normally I am able to have a fairly positive perspective on it but I think there are just too many stressful pieces right now that have overwhelmed my ability to cope.  Yesterday, a meeting with my boss (and future boss) was the straw that broke the camel's back and I found myself having to leave the conversation to fight back tears.  After I left, my current boss followed to talk to me more and I just lost it.  All the stress and burnout just came on like a freight train and I just started sobbing uncontrollably, which I am still doing right now.

I don't know what all it is.  I feel stress from a job that I normally feel I am good at.  Suddenly yesterday I just felt like everything I did was a massive **** up.  I also just got my masters degree and want to work for local government on these issues... And I just feel overwhelmed with the idea that I can't hack it.  If I can't handle my current job and level of stress, how can I hold my together in an environment that has less space for people to break down.

Now I feel this just horrible crushing feeling.  I was supposed to see my mom today but couldn't even get myself in the shower.  I have to be the one to take care of things - the individuals I serve, and my staff, and I have no idea how to do that right now when all I want is someone to take care of me.

I don't know.  I guess this is vague, I'm not sure what to expect out of this, but I just don't have anyone who understands.

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I understand, and I'm sorry you're going through such a rough time. I hope your boss was understanding and helpful for you. I've seen articles about how self care around stress and mental health isn't prioritized in the medical community, or is stigmatized, which seems kind of ironic. I want my medical professionals to be relaxed and working to maintain their mental health!

I think the feeling of everything you do being wrong is very common. And I think something that's very useful about this community is that we can all help each other fight those thoughts because we're all familiar with how they can just take over. It sounds like you've been successful in your field for awhile, and you just finished your master's - that's amazing!

And I definitely understand wanting to have someone to take care of you. I've been feeling that more and more for the last few years, though I think of it more as wanting to have someone for whom I'm their first priority and they're mine.

Welcome to the forums & I hope you're able to find something to help you here!

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Have you considered talking to your Dr.abiut changing your dose?  It sucks and sometimes I think the only thing to do is ride out the storm.   I know it annoys me when people say to just think positive or to just cheer up.  Duh!   Wish it were that simple. 

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