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Ethameshep

I've been struggling for a long time...

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I've rewritten this post at least half a dozen times now and it always ended up too long, so here is the abridged version: my life has been a repeating cycle of loneliness and depression followed by short stints of happiness just long enough to give me hope and crush me when I lose it again.  So here I am, posting my problems to a forum for strangers to read because no one in my life has seemed to care enough to want to help me.  What about my friend?  I never had many of those and they all either died or ended up betraying me, so yeah.  My family, you ask?  When I first told them what I was going through, their responses were basically, "are you sure you're not overreacting?" (my mom) and "there's nothing we can do about it, you have to figure it out yourself" (my dad).  We were never really close anyway.  Have I tried religion?  Yeah, and that seemed to work when times were good, before the church I was going to pushed me out and even God seemed to quit listening to me.

So I'm stuck in a catch 22 where the only thing I want in the world is to have people I love and who love me back, but I know I couldn't put myself through that because I would spend every minute terrified I would lose it all again.  That being the case, I am now fairly certain I will never have the thing I want that would make life worth living, so what is the point then?That's not to say I have a death wish at the moment, but I wouldn't have a problem with going to sleep right now and not waking up in the morning either.

I guess what I'm hoping for is an answer to this: Does it really get better, like for real?

Edited by Ethameshep
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Hi. To be honest, no, statistically speaking life's more likely to get worse getting older, because of age, sickness risks, because it's harder to make friends, find a partner, job difficulties etc. 

Realizing this doesn't necessarily have to put you off further. Some people (like the buddhists, or the late philosopher Schopenhauer) say realizing life's limits helps reconsidering our expectations from life, which are too often exaggerated by society, to a point that is practically impossible for most people to get to. Almost nobody has all you need to have to have a perfect life, quite the opposite.

Now, I'm quite a pessimist, but I do think that if you can compromise enough and you work hard enough you can get a decent life. After all the most beautiful things are free and it's just a matter of finding them; there's also a lot of people looking for someone to be happy with. 

Best of luck.

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I am also a depression/anxiety veteran. Had my ups and downs. If this forums allows private messages you can PM me and you can talk to me.

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