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IamWish

Conflicting Emotions Over Asexuality

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I'd always felt a little weird calling myself heterosexual, even though I couldn't ever really say why. Then back in January, I googled asexuality and came up with exactly how I felt. It was a relief and it felt right, especially when I told my sister and she said "Good. I am too". That relief and rightness hasn't gone away. It's kind of comforting sometimes, having something I can say about myself that won't change with my emotions and I can't possibly get ashamed over. When I told my parents, they didn't really understand, even though I tried to explain with everything I learned from the internet. Not that I was expecting any different, but they also came up with those stereotypical sayings, "You just haven't met the right person", "You'll feel different when you're older", etc. This didn't hurt my feelings or anything, but it made me realize how potentially isolating this might be. Never mind the fact that I can't figure out if I'm aromantic, heteroromantic, panromantic, or what. I crave non-sexual intimacy, and I'm worried about my feelings getting in the way of that. After all, my social skills are already bad enough.

Then there's the whole other issue of realizing that the majority of the population sees the world a little differently than me than I had thought. The thing is, I don't really know what it is that they see and I don't. And that bothers me because it makes me feel like more of an outsider. I want to become a clinical psychologist, so I need to know how people think so I can help them, and it's frustrating having this one more thing making me feel like I don't belong (though logically I know my sexuality has no bearing whatsoever on whether I belong or not).

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8 hours ago, Teddy545 said:

All I can think to do is relate it to food, it's like when you see junk food and you want to eat it.   

Good comparison! For me it feels a bit more compulsive though, probably because I have an extremely high sex drive, kinda like an alcoholic wanting his booze or a smoker a cigarette. If given the choice I'd rather be asexual but that's just me, most people seem to rather enjoy their sexual side. Romance would obviously be difficult unless it's with another asexual person since most people view sex as an integral part of a relationship. 

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The junkfood analogy above is a good one, but I suppose it can also be seen (for some people) as something less urgent, like the urge for a chess enthusiast to enjoy a game of chess, whereas people who aren't into chess don't want to so much. Or it could be more urgent: a non-aesexual person's want to have a relationship with certain people could be as strong (although more controllable and less necessary) as the need for water when thirsty. (Obviously, unlike being very thirsty, they won't die if they don't get the physical relationship.) I hope this makes sense. 😕 I'm not aesexual but I have a different outlook on relationships to the majority of people, so I can sort of answer. You'll probably get better answers from other people of the same orientation as yourself, though, but I hope this helps a little.

Edited by MargotMontage

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