Jump to content

Feeling so Alone and down. :'(


Recommended Posts

Hi all,

in may 2016 my dad died suddenly and im still grieving badly, Every day feels like it's getting harder and some days I feel like I can't even breath. , plus then june 2017 my friend died who was like a second father to me, so that hit me really hard aswell.

it was his funeral 21st june 17 and i was a emotional wreck as it was exact same place my dads funeral was. On both funerals i had to get up and put a flower on coffin which absolutly killed me,

I feel like I'm drowning and can't cope. I struggle everyday to even get out of bed.

I've self harmed in past but have been 2 years clean but i did relapse once before xmas 2016. But it's getting harder to not go back to old ways. 

I havent got anyone i can talk to either, my hubby has just got back in touch with his son after 8 years and is now pushing me and my daughter out,

Also im in alot of debt and have baliffs at my door. but my hubby expects me to find money for him and his son to go on days out,

I feel SOO alone and empty all the time. i just wanna run away and never come back, but obviously i cant cus of my daughter.

I also live in the countryside and have no friends round here to confide in.

 

I jus dont no what to do anymore, Ive really come to the end and im scared and need to get back out.  :cry::cry:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm sorry you've had to wait an hour for a response to your post.  I just recently returned home by train.  How are you doing right now?  I am so so very sorry for the suffering you are undergoing because of so many events in your life including the loss of your father and the loss of your friend who was like a second father to you!  It is really heartbreaking the ordeal you are suffering ! ! !  People who have not suffered such things cannot possibly understand how scary and devastating they are.  I do want to welcome you to the Forums.  Hopefully you will find something here to alleviate or reduce the horrible pain you are undergoing!  Please forgive me for not being able to offer you better words.  You deserve so much better than my words, but my mind is in a fog and I cannot really think straight.  I know it has become a cliche to say "my heart goes out to you," but my heart does go out to you!!!  - epictetus

Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, dontnowat2doanymore said:

I relapsed and now I hate myself even more. I feel worthless 😕 

You're NOT worthless. It sucks that you relapsed but you really need to be gentle with yourself right now, dealing with two recent deaths of people close to you and not having a support network would bring anyone to their limits. You slipped up, forgive yourself and try to find a different coping strategy for the next time you feel the urge to self harm. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hello, I greatly admire your strength to reach out for support. I extend my condolences to you for your beloved dad and friend. I know that it is tough and that you don’t deserve to feel this way. I am inspired by the effort you made to reach out for support. You’ll clearly a strong person. I see you stated that you self-harmed in the past. Also, you have done well to not self-harm in 2 years. Please follow these tips below to prevent self- harm. I also would like to recommend a 24-hour confidential crisis hotline called The Samaritans at (212) 673-3000. They are there for loss, depression, if you need someone to talk to and many other things. We are always here for you. Hugs!

Coping Techniques – paint, journal, write song or poem of how you feel, write down negative feelings then rip up paper, listen to music

Calm yourself- take a hot shower, pet or cuddle with dog or cat, massage your neck, hands and feet

If you feel disconnected or numb- call a friend (talk about anything), take a cold shower, hold ice cube in the crook of your arm or leg, chew something very strong such as, peppermint or grape fruit peel

Release Tension- exercise such as, dance, run, hit punching bag, punch a cushion or mattress or scream into pillow, squeeze a stress ball or squish play-doh or clay, rip something (paper or magazine), make noise (play instrument, bang on pots and pans)

Substitute for cutting- use a red felt tip pen to mark where you usually cut, rub ice across your skin where you usually cut and put rubber bands on wrists, arms legs and snap them instead of cutting or hitting

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 month later...

im really not coping at all, i hate myself so much, im also in finacial trouble so thats stressing me out even more, every day i think whats the point i dont wanna b here anymore, the only thing keepin me here is my daughter whos 6, but i feel like a really awful mother for thinking these thoughts, im terrified to go to doctors also, as ive been told by someone if i go and speak to a doctor they will report me to social services for being depressed and havin a child and i could risk losing my daughter, so all i do is sit at home feeling really bout myself terrified to talk to anyone. :coopcray:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, dontnowat2doanymore said:

im also in finacial trouble so thats stressing me out even more

Finances can be a huge stressor for sure, even when we're healthy it's difficult to deal with financial problems but when you're down it can seem next to impossible to overcome them. If you're struggling with debt there are credit counselling services that can help you deal with all the creditors, they won't make the debt go away but they can act as an intermediary and try to get you a reasonable payment plan which is next to impossible when you don't have the energy to fight them on your own. 

2 hours ago, dontnowat2doanymore said:

the only thing keepin me here is my daughter whos 6, but i feel like a really awful mother for thinking these thoughts

Don't think like that... The fact that you worry about your daughter and made the choice to stick around for her proves that you're a good mom :) Sure, you're not perfect and things aren't ideal but you're doing the best you can and you take responsibility for your daughter, that's commendable! 

2 hours ago, dontnowat2doanymore said:

im terrified to go to doctors also, as ive been told by someone if i go and speak to a doctor they will report me to social services for being depressed and havin a child and i could risk losing my daughter, so all i do is sit at home feeling really bout myself terrified to talk to anyone. :coopcray:

I have never heard of someone's child being taken away for being depressed so I don't think you need to worry about that. As long as you're not acutely suicidal, don't do illicit drugs and aren't abusive there really isn't any reason to take your daughter from you. If you're really worried about it then just don't tell your doctor that you have a child. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 hours ago, dontnowat2doanymore said:

im really not coping at all, i hate myself so much, im also in finacial trouble so thats stressing me out even more, every day i think whats the point i dont wanna b here anymore, the only thing keepin me here is my daughter whos 6, but i feel like a really awful mother for thinking these thoughts, im terrified to go to doctors also, as ive been told by someone if i go and speak to a doctor they will report me to social services for being depressed and havin a child and i could risk losing my daughter, so all i do is sit at home feeling really bout myself terrified to talk to anyone. :coopcray:

hi there, I understand your feelings. sometimes, when we think everything is over something happens, destiny changes. The process of knowing ourselves is long and tire full. This sounds very abstract but it is true. I can only wish the best and please dont hurt yourself. Breath deeply, sometimes it helps me to cope with stress. Oxygen is free so use as much as you can.

Best wishes

Flavio

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Running away sounds like a good idea.
You don't actually have to do it! But you can think about it, as long as it makes you feel better. That's what you have to do, think about things that make you feel better, instead of things that... don't.

Also, try to work on things you CAN change, like, being in debt for example. You could apply for bankruptcy or get a consumer proposal. That's what I did, and it has helped a lot. No more nagging phone calls. And I can afford the monthy payment.

Good luck with everything. And know you always have someone to talk to on here.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...