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I just lost a relative to suicide


BareMetal

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Yesterday I was at work when my brother called to inform me that my mother's cousin had committed suicide. I was in total shock. The man had been severely depressed for a while, but I never thought he'd actually do it. He was so depressed he needed intense therapy and hospitalization for sure, but he, his wife, his parents, and his closest family rejected any kind of therapy/help. My mother and aunt tried to talk some sense into them countless times, as well as my aunt's husband who's currently in therapy due to depression (and he's doing well now). They just completely rejected everything, and thought he was getting better.

Let me just say, that I'm now 100% sure suicide is not the answer. I've completely wiped out any thought of committing suicide that I had. I'd describe my depression as mild at best, but I'm going to get therapy before it's too late, I just can't do this to my mother. If anything, all suicide does is leave those who care about you utterly devastated. The saying that suicide is not the answer is very true. It doesn't only devastate the people who care about you, it destroys them completely. My mother means the world to me, and I just can't see her cry anymore. Today I woke up to her weeping, and it broke my heart. She's an extremely strong person, but I just don't want to see her this way. I saw my grandfather crying for the first time in years. The only other time I've seen him crying was when his bother passed away years ago. I saw my mother's cousin's 10/11 year old son at the funeral yesterday, and I just wish I didn't. I'm glad I didn't get to see his 3 daughters. It's not pleasant to see them this way. His wife couldn't even walk after the funeral.

To be honest, I feel guilty. The reason for this is that I went through severe depression a few years ago and was hospitalized. I could have at least tried to go talk to him, but I didn't. I was too busy caring for my own business. I feel selfish now. For some reason so far I didn't cry, not even one drop of tear. It's weird that I seem to have such a capacity for accepting death. Maybe I'm heartless or devoid of sentiments, I don't know. I feel sad about the situation, but I'm mostly worried about my mother, I just don't like seeing her this way. For some reason I just can't seem to cry. I mean, I'm sad for my relative and I'm going to miss him, but I can live without him, he was not essential for my survival, but what about his 4 kids? What about his wife? My mother raised my 2 brothers and I by herself when my father decided he wasn't happy with her and got up and left for another woman, but not all people are this strong.

I just want to ask something of you guys. Please don't commit suicide or consider it. Please, promise me you won't. No matter what it is you're going through, suicide is not the solution, I'm now sure of this. There are some things in my life that I believe have no solution, but I'm sure this is just how it seems when we're depressed. Even if they don't have a solution, like the possibility that I might never have someone to love in my life (a real problem for me, and some of you might know from my previous posts), I can't destroy my family like this. I might still be depressed about this stuff, as I believe it's natural when life isn't in our favor, but I'll just seek therapy or something to keep myself from having any bad thoughts. I might indeed never find someone, or never have a decent career and stay stuck at low-paying jobs, but I won't allow myself to end my life. Anyway, I don't want to make this about me, the point is that nothing is worth ending our lives for.

Again, I wish to ask of anyone who's seriously considering suicide, please reconsider. Get help instead. Even if you think nobody cares about you, I assure you this is wrong. Even if you tell me you have no family or friends, there's bound to be someone who cares, even if that someone is whoever you ask for help, be it a therapist, a shrink, or someone else.

Edited by BareMetal
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im so sorry that happened, even though you didn't know him well it sounds devastating especially to your mother. I agree with your advice to members here to not give up, depression messes with your mind and can lead even the strongest will person to believe things that are hopeless, it is not true though it is just distortion from the illness.

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Thanks @BareMetal - I know from previous posts that you are going through a lot but the advice and sentiment in your post is precious. This week, I've had one or two days of thoughts of suicide but the notion of sending my own family into turmoil is one of the reasons keeping me here. The other one is as you pointed out, the fact depression distorts the way we think. 

I hope your mother and the rest of the family can get through this ... they have a strong person to help them in you. 

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Never been suicidal...have wished I was not born though at times.   Suicide definitely causes uncomprehendable pain for the loved ones left behind.  Your mom would probably blame herself if you ever did it.  I am a father and know how much a parent loves their child.

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On 6/23/2017 at 6:33 AM, scienceguy said:

im so sorry that happened, even though you didn't know him well it sounds devastating especially to your mother. I agree with your advice to members here to not give up, depression messes with your mind and can lead even the strongest will person to believe things that are hopeless, it is not true though it is just distortion from the illness.

No need to be sorry, that's just life I guess. I did know him very well, and I feel really sad that he chose to do this, but I just couldn't cry (I rarely cry, really, I just can't). Yes you're right  about our minds being distorted due to depression. I'm now awakened to this fact. Like, right now I'm not feeling very well, but now I know that whatever thoughts I'm having are probably not real so I decided to get some help. I might be back on meds or get a therapist, not sure yet.

On 6/23/2017 at 11:32 AM, StoniumFrog said:

Thanks @BareMetal - I know from previous posts that you are going through a lot but the advice and sentiment in your post is precious. This week, I've had one or two days of thoughts of suicide but the notion of sending my own family into turmoil is one of the reasons keeping me here. The other one is as you pointed out, the fact depression distorts the way we think. 

I hope your mother and the rest of the family can get through this ... they have a strong person to help them in you. 

You're welcome, I'm glad my post was helpful. I'm not sure how much of a strong person I really am, but thanks, it means a lot to me that you think I am. :) It's good to hear you have a family who cares about you and that you care about them. Don't do this to them and more importantly don't do it to yourself.

On 6/24/2017 at 7:25 PM, MSC71 said:

Never been suicidal...have wished I was not born though at times.   Suicide definitely causes uncomprehendable pain for the loved ones left behind.  Your mom would probably blame herself if you ever did it.  I am a father and know how much a parent loves their child.

Yeah I wish I was not born from time to time. I don't believe I was ever seriously suicidal, just have had some dark thoughts, but never seriously planned it and never had any serious attempts. I'm kinda thankful for that. I think in most cases when we contemplate suicide what we really want is for our situations to be different and better, and this can definitely be done. It's an infinitely better solution than ending one's life.

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