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Teddy545

Being a recluse

39 posts in this topic

Posted · Report post  

2 hours ago, Teddy545 said:

I don't feel like I need to fit in that much.  I would rather be me and be alone too.   My self esteem and self worth is much better when I'm alone.  

Gosh I so hear you.  I feel the same way.  I feel so much better about myself when I'm alone.

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8 hours ago, Teddy545 said:

I like her better then most cats but I think she's obsessed with me and she annoys me all day.  She does excessive attention seeking behavior like crying, digging her claws in me, destroying my things, waking me up at night, licking. 

I don't think I have a fav place and I've lost interest in most things lately.

Oh dear, you don't sound like a cat person. Perhaps find her a loving home? 

Those phases are hard going. They do pass, at least in my case, try and be gentle and patient with yourself.

People do tend to disappear on line. Behaviour and good manners slip, l think because it isn't face to face. You get the players and the trolls too, who can't cut it in the real world, who target people online, just to hurt people, then play the victim because they are too spineless to own their actions. That's a reflection on them though. I just block and ignore people like that. Time is precious.

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16 hours ago, Teddy545 said:

Thank you.  I'm not sure about people online though, to many of them have disappeared on me.

My need for attention is feeling much better now, thanks everyone!  It's driving me crazy that I've lost interest in most things, what to do. 

Something new?

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I'm sort of jealous.  I'm a natural extravert (on personality tests I'm about 70% extravert) and I feel compelled to seek out people.  But I don't have great social skills so then I **** it up.  LOL.

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10 hours ago, Ba3inga said:

Oh dear, you don't sound like a cat person. Perhaps find her a loving home? 

Those phases are hard going. They do pass, at least in my case, try and be gentle and patient with yourself.

People do tend to disappear on line. Behaviour and good manners slip, l think because it isn't face to face. You get the players and the trolls too, who can't cut it in the real world, who target people online, just to hurt people, then play the victim because they are too spineless to own their actions. That's a reflection on them though. I just block and ignore people like that. Time is precious.

It's too sad to give my cat to a shelter. I don't have any friends to give her to.  I think my family wont take her because they see how she acts to me.  I think she's just obsessed with me and would act differently to someone else. 

Yeah, I block people.  I just don't trust people online not to disappear. 

59 minutes ago, LifeDream777 said:

Something new?

A bunch of stressful things started happening to me around the same time if that's what you mean.

28 minutes ago, CoolCat7 said:

I'm sort of jealous.  I'm a natural extravert (on personality tests I'm about 70% extravert) and I feel compelled to seek out people.  But I don't have great social skills so then I **** it up.  LOL.

On personality tests I get 54% introvert,  I don't know how I do this.  It seems like my social skills are fine but I'm boring because I've been alone for so long.  I don't have social anxiety were I get anxiety about people judging me.  The judging makes me angry and I feel like everyone is mean.(that's a judgment too though)

I have specific social phobia, fear of strangers and stage fright.  I don't know what it's about, it seems like talking to people would be fine, then I start panicking during the conversation. No one can tell I'm panicking but I think it makes me seem spaced out and uninterested.  I start thinking about how I can escape the social interaction. 

Well, I was reading that it's from not being exposed to people as a child.  My family doesn't really have friends and I was ostracized at school until I was in high school.  

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On ‎6‎/‎18‎/‎2017 at 2:54 PM, Teddy545 said:

I was reading more about being a recluse because I've been one for a few years.(I'm not sure how long)  It said that if a person chooses it for their self it can be good for them.  I helps the person find their identity, sense of self and creates better self esteem.  I guess I needed that because of BPD.  I'm still not sure what identity is or sense of self or if I have that. I feel like society is extremity restrictive and wont let me be comfortable being myself.

I am reclusive.  I have been pretty much all my life.  When I'm low, my reclusiveness grows.  I find socializing tedious and often ridiculous.  People jar my nerves.  When I'm not in the pit of despair, I find people delightful...well some people.  At least the tediousness of having to engage is marginal by comparison to when I'm down.  

No matter how deep in depression I may be, I feel compassion for those here on the forum when I cannot sincerely do so in my workplace and other life situations.  No one here is tedious, jarring, ridiculous or annoying...  In fact, I find a great relief in caring about people here and reading what's going on in their lives.  There's just something about people who understand suffering that makes them more viable friends to me.

I hate the idea that you are not comfortable being yourself.  I think you're beautiful.   

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53 minutes ago, Teddy545 said:

It's too sad to give my cat to a shelter. I don't have any friends to give her to.  I think my family wont take her because they see how she acts to me.  I think she's just obsessed with me and would act differently to someone else. 

Yeah, I block people.  I just don't trust people online not to disappear. 

 

Yeah, it would be sad to give her to a shelter. Sounds like she loves you too.

I'm the same. I'm sick of getting treated like l'm invisible or disposable. You never have though and l appreciate that. I hope things turn around for the better for you, you deserve it. I don't think l can be bothered to make an effort any more here. So take care of yourself teddy545. 

 

Edited by Ba3inga

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Posted (edited) · Report post  

It's dependent personality disorder that's bothering me now!  I've been ignoring DPD since I was diagnosed with it because I think it's insulting and belittling.  How do I fix this?

Edited by Teddy545

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Hello Teddy, I don't give a f.... society, sorry about my language but I have to say it. Even if you live your life plenty or if you are fortunate to live 100 years we will never find all the answers. I am reclusive, I have been reclusive, I will be reclusive, and society will always be society. Just live your life the best you can, without looking at others, surround yourself with good people, though there are only a few. Do what you like even if nobody likes it or even if it dont give you money. Enjoy those little things like walking the dog out or eating good food prepared by you, but real food, the one you cook. Just try to enjoy whatever is in front of you, regardless of society. Everybody has a role in this world or many roles, even if you don't find them out, you are still unique and valuable to you and to others, very few, yes, but still valuable.

Write as much as you can, probably our truth is there, in our own pages.

Sincerely,

Flavio

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Posted (edited) · Report post  

I think it's much better for me to be alone until I get DPD figured out.  No one wants me to be dependent on them. 

Edited by Teddy545

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Another recluse here. Last night, we had a party after work for a coworker who is moving on to another job. There were a bunch of us sitting in a local pub. I felt "obligated" to be part of the conversation, even though I had to force anything out of my mouth. People expect me to say funny sh!t because I am the master of sarcasm, but I didn't want to last night. I just wanted to get up, walk out, and head for home. Which I did.

Every night, I hang out with my cats and watch old movies. I don't want to go out and be around people because they can easily disgust me.

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I was much happier when I was a recluse.  I would wait until dark to go out so I wouldn't have to see anyone and go to the store to get food right before it was closed because I knew nobody but me and the cashier would be there.  I lived like that for years.  I've tried to be normal and it's impossible.  Maybe I'll go back to that.

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