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Positivenegative

Depressed and confused and sleepless

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I don't know if this is a sleep problem, a relationship problem, or a depression problem, but I can't sleep anywhere besides my own bed. It's only gotten worse as I've gotten older. My boyfriend is understanding but he wants me to move in and I just can't sleep at his house. It's usually a little hectic there, but even when it's totally calm, I lay awake all night unable to sleep. I've tried every sleep hygiene technique I can think of. This is actually really really depressing because it causes me to feel inadequate, even though I know I'm not. I just require alot of sleep, and if I can't sleep somewhere, then I'm not going to do it. I have tried and tried. But each time, I end up sleep deprived and depressed the next day. I was able to sleep better when I was younger, but now I don't know what to do. I'm super sensitive, so maybe the energy in the house just isn't right for me. I don't know anymore. Suggestions?

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I've had this problem with every relationship. The only bed besides my own I could ever sleep well in was my high school best friend's bed. I think this might be very normal for sensitive sleepers; I've met TONS of people with this problem. I once had a boyfriend whose house I would sneak out of and then go home and sleep in my own bed. This was also a problem when I would travel anywhere with a boyfriend or friend. I could NOT sleep with another person, or in the same room with other people, in a new bed. It would always make for a crappy trip because I was so tired.

If your boyfriend wants you to move in, and it's something you want to, then you just need to make the transition and go through a couple weeks of very unsatisfying sleep. BUT - you WILL adjust eventually, and in time, you will sleep fine. But ask yourself, what would make the experience more comfortable? a mattress pad, or new sheets, your own comforter, your own pillow, your own bedside table and lamp, fan, etc? Whatever will make the transition easier, do it. When my husband moved in, I needed to have my own blanket for the first 2 weeks because the sharing of a blanket made me feel weird. I dunno why, people are just weird. I once had a friend who could only sleep with a wet towel over her face and a fan blowing on it. And she had a live-in fiance at the time. So just tell your BF, okay you will  move in but you must do these weird things to adjust and he needs to just let you do your thing.

Edited by morecoffee

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Could you try sleeping in the same room as him but in your own bed? You could buy a single (twin are they called?) bed probably pretty cheap, and give that a shot. It could be a good first step, and ultimately you can transition into the same bed. Or, heck stick to the separate beds if necessary. Might cramp the room a bit, but you could maybe just use a mattress and no box spring and put it on the floor and then stash it off to the side when you're not using it.

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Always had trouble sleeping anywhere but my own bed.  Countless times when dating j would always wanted to to go home in the middle of the night .   Home sweet Home I guess. 😓

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Thank you everyone for your comments. I have my own room at his house, with my own bed and everything. But I cannot sleep in it. He snores really loud, which is why I sleep in another room anyway when I'm at his house. I think that most of you are correct, I'm just going to have to go through a period of not sleeping, if I really want to move in. The problem with that is my sleep deprivation can turn into hallucinations so I'm not sure I want to risk it. I know I will adjust, it will just be very rough, and that scares me.

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