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SailingSoul

Hate admit this....

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I honestly feel I'm on the cusp of being mentally ill or something... By that I mean I'm normal enough to function but even that barely especially at work....answering phones gives me so much damn anxiety it makes me want to throw up,.. My intrusive thoughts can be quite strong and the images are somewhat vivid.... This is just hell.. I can get by but .... I'm not a danger to myself or anyone else.. But trying not to go crazy and making sure you don't is exhausting its truly a fulltime job. 

 

Especially with anxiety when the thoughts don't stop uhg. 

 

I just don't want to do pills and be a shell of my former self... I rather deal with the bs and still have emotions.. 

Just wish I didn't have to deal with this bull.

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I don't want to advocate for one form of treatment or another, but pills have never in my experience taken away emotions - if anything they've given them back, after only being able to feel just the bad emotions. But again, not trying to persuade.

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8 hours ago, JD4010 said:

Well, if it helps, you've described much of my life in your post. One long, drawn out episode of anxiety and depression.

This sucks...I don't want to be on edge every moment sheesh. I wish I had a normal brain.

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I'm with Felix, though I understand wishing your brain was somehow different.  I've been on almost every SSRI, and the only one that had NO side effects on me was Paxil.  6 years and then it was like I fell off a cliff.  It just stopped working.  But, as Felix and I have said, antidepressants or anti anxiety pills need not rob you of who you are.  It's the trial period that's so hard. 

Anyway, I hope your tomorrow is better than today.

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