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littlesongbird

My Brother Is Moving Out

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I am 34 years old and my brother is 32 years old. We have always lived with my parents. My brother is literally my best friend. I never had too many friends. I had 2 friends at the most. I am not dealing with it very well. I really don't want him to go and it is making me extremely depressed. I think it is making me think about my own life and the chances I didn't take. Like how I didn't have the guts to date this guy or drive or get a better job or get a car or move out. And right now, I am not working because I was laid off. And to be honest, when I think about moving out myself I get very nervous and scared. I am scared to be so alone and own my own. I guess that isn't really normal for a 34 year old. I dunno, I needed to get this off my chest somewhere. I guess I do wonder what do people think about this? I don't really have anyone to talk about it like this .It is making me panicky and making me feel like I need to start thinking about this.

Edited by littlesongbird

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Nice to meet you littlesongbird.

I think if we are shy or introverted, we get entrenched in our comfort zones and quite happy to stay there. It takes a unexpected change to make us consider what we may be missing out on, however you speak of fear. I'm not an expert, but have you considered that there could be some social anxiety going on here, possibly even depression too?

I would suggest you seek a doctors appointment, if this is the case, they will help you in a number of ways, they will discuss your options, so you can make an informed decision that is right for you. 

There is a wealth of information here, anything you can't see, just ask and someone will be able to help.

I'm sorry your brother moving out  is causing you upset, but if you are suffering from anxiety/depression, which is a illness, it could be a blessing in disguise. You deserve to live your life how you choose, and not in fear.

 

Edited by Ba3inga

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I missed you have been a member for a while, hence the second post. I don't know your back history. I don't think there is anything wrong with staying with your parents etc, if you're happy. I just saw the bits about anxiety and panic and wanted to express maybe anxiety and if you hadn't seen a doctor, but highly likely you already know that. I didn't say you needed help, l suggested it might be a good idea to see your doctor, had you not already done so. 

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1 hour ago, littlesongbird said:

And to be honest, when I think about moving out myself I get very nervous and scared. I am scared to be so alone and own my own. I guess that isn't really normal for a 34 year old.

It's not abnormal, just unusual since most people can't wait to move out. There are plenty of other cultures where people live with their parents until they're married so don't worry about what the norm is, it's all relative. Only  thing that matters is that you actually enjoy living with your parents.

If you're worried about moving out and being all alone you could look into getting 1 or 2 roommates. More and more people are doing that with ever increasing rent-prices so you should be able to find someone around the same age. Being scared is normal though, moving out IS a big change but once you're on your own you'll get used to it in no time. 

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I live with my dad and two older brothers now, and I just turned 30. I am the opposite of you - I hate living at home. I hate having to deal with my brothers' mental illnesses (and they are totally fine with never moving out). Right now I'm looking for a job and volunteering in the meantime so I can finally move out.

Still, I think it'll be painful when I move out. And I absolutely think my family will guilt-trip the crap outta me. You know those families who support you when you move up in life? Yeah, I don't have that (well, my mum, but she passed away).

As much as I resented my living situation, I realized I am codependent in my own very messed up way. I am the one responsible for my feelings and actions - not them. Please please please show your brother support and encouragement - he is probably feeling uneasy as well.

Melody Beattie has a book called Codependency No More - there's a lot of useful info in there for codependents.

Things might seem really overwhelming right now - your brother moving out, unemployment, social life, etc. Right now I am doing "monthly goals" that keep my mind busy and off the things I tend to dwell on. This month it's decluttering and reading my drivers manual. Last month it was volunteering and reading and watching everything I had put off.

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